In light of yesterday’s stunning and unexpected news of the return to form of Norm, President Obama issued a warning to Iran to cease trying to develop its own highly literate and potentially unstable self-defence mechanisms.
“If those Iranian turkeys think they can turn nothing into something much worse,” Obama told the unfriendly stranger in the Laundromat, “can I borrow some of your washing powder because mine ran out.”
Norm, sporting the same invisible underwear he wore yesterday, cited President Obama as a major factor behind his decision to label Joe Hockey’s underwear as “a bed sheet”, before retracting a clause in his contract.
Security footage obtained by A Current Affair and subsequently broadcast on Today Tonight has revealed that Australians are fearful racists and spiritually bankrupt and materially gluttonous illiterates, but no more.
“Have you never seen the arts programs on the ABC?” a batch of career-minded bitches bellowed before breaking the back of this bad ass bastard who believe they’re better than blokes who break their backs milking a modest living from bollocks.
Insecurity footage obtained by that woman who over-exposes her skinny arse on the ABC's arts program, and whose name escapes me, shows that there is plenty of money to be made from having a skinny white arse.
For his part, Norm, sipping on a skinny white, who believes that he is in no position to judge the efforts of others to further their own uncomfortable place in society, wishes that he could, once again, get his claws on a couple of nice firm facts.
“Without facts,” he said, his left foot drifting off to sleep, “I am inclined to drift off into a head space that can hardly be called worth anything but nothing, but,” he continued looking for a point, “at least I don’t have the equivalent of an opinion.”
President Obama, washing the blood from the flag of his native Iran, finally revealed, thanks to footage obtained by Channel Nine News that children who read are more likely to be able to sleep at night - whatever that means.
Self-described pauper, and long-suffering wind-bag, Norm has launched a bitter, and at times coherent, tirade against anyone he can get his ridiculously but appropriately large hands on, in what some are describing as “public facilities”.
Terminally silly, and still the greatest writer to ever grace this shit-hole of a planet, Norm has, according to some, taken to using public facilities to relieve himself of the enormous amounts of time he finds on his slippery hands in a bid to kill time.
“Using the facilities made available by the dollars of the tax-payer,” Norm said, swivelling around and around, “is what brings me to you today to preach this message.”
Exactly what “this message” is remains unclear, but experts and academics are sure of one thing: Norm, despite his self-effacing attempts to deflect attention away from himself, is still struggling to make a living from the dying art of humility.
Little wonder then that Norm, who famously described himself as “unwilling to talk about himself even in the third-person”, has barely a cent to his name, which he describes as “not worth the birth certificate it’s printed on.”
Unwilling or unable to find an appropriate “image” to break up the monotony, Norm has told reporters that all he wants right now is to be out of the public eye so that he can practise his “nose-picking and farting” in the relative privacy of the supermarket.
Currently unemployable, Norm, who left home at the age of thirty to pursue the life of a grown-up, has told “all the single ladies” to put their hands up his skirt after a small animal crawled up one of his stockings while trying to hold up a queue.
Critics, meanwhile, have slammed Norm for taking up so much space, with some calling on him to “just shut up and die” amid claims he was talking and living, which he strenuously denied while lying motionless on the couch to watch television.
Norm, who insisted on this last paragraph for no particular reason, told the carpet that “you are so dirty and tonight I sleep with you, again,” and told his trusty laptop, “if anything ever happened to you, I’d probably get a job.”
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