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Consumption Malfunction - On the face of it...



May 24th 2015 02:14

Yours truly asleep at the wheel

November 26th 2013 02:33
Penitent chicken and brilliant genius, yours truly is defending himself against the faceless voices behind the muscles controlling his fingers.

Ah, jeez.

Think about it next time.

"Can I modify what I'm about to say?" he said, looking over his shoulder at a mess he done made right in front of him.

"How did i did that by accident?" the part-time thinker puzzled.


Yours truly turns the clock back

November 25th 2013 13:43
Treacherous time-waster, little lazy-bones and chirpy child-of-nature, yours truly, turning his attention to the time, has forgotten where he was exactly.

“Where was I?” the once-was-lost-but-now-is-found modern-day post-modernist and latter-day stain on society said, scratching this last bit at the end.

Adding this bit, as he went along, yours truly went on to add this bit which was quickly followed by this extra little bit, before putting this last touch on.

“This is where I quote myself saying something,” yours truly went on to say, before closing his eyes once or twice, moving his fingers over some keys.

Thinking he can, thinking he can, the little read and even less well-read flat-out creator of original material, apparently thinks, as he puts it, he “can”.

Half-arsed lounge-wizard, chronic dreamer, and deaf, dumb and short-sighted bastard, yours truly has celebrated his seventh time around the Sun with a glass of Drano.

"Stuffed up?" I said, staring up at the ceiling, blankly clutching my pipe.

"Why not take your life and make it happen?" I was then heard to say, turning over to Flashdance.

"I've tried other things but, for that burning sensation, you can't go past fat and grease followed by a healthy dose of Lye," he says, turning over to the wall.

Lye decomposes most organic matter and is particularly effective on fat, grease and hair which are materials which often clog my brains.

A maniac of few words (of his own), yours truly was at pains to add that he is no good at getting clogs out of the system - all apologies.





January 7th 2013 00:50
Australian-born time-waster and dirty-minded old-bag Norm has lambasted claims he is all washed up after he was found in the bathroom with nothing much on.

Sergeant Gerry Cassidy said a holiday maker came across the bag.

"Believe me," the smelly old-bag said, smiling unpleasantly, "I was as surprised as George Michael to find me in the bathroom taking a wash or whatever, but I guess it would be nice if I could touch your body."

''If a man smiled at you in a toilet, you were afraid to smile back in case it was a policeman waiting to arrest you,'' he says.

Sergeant Gerry Cassidy said the "holiday-maker" came across as a bit camp, but also recalled that trying to smile in a toilet was "no picnic".

It is not all bad news for believers.

Norm says that he has just secured, what Jellis Craig calls, "a luxury compound in the heart of vibrant Pakistan just minutes from the toilet" and plans to have a bathroom in every room.


Is James Bond a fascist puppet?

December 17th 2012 01:07

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