In a bonanza for the paparazzi, home and away the best racketeer in the electrical circus, Bec Cartwright has told her father: "Gee, Pa."
After pondering her predicament, hot and heavy with a horse, Hewitt (nee Cartwright) needed to sit down in an esky full of ice.
"The equine was enormously erotic," explained an erratic Eskimo.
The poor horse had to be taken away in a hearse.
When asked about the affair the horse could only say: "Pal, I'm knackered."
Bec's father, bewildered by his daughter's promiscuity, has comforted his son-in-law, Lleyton by electing to receive.
"For me, he serves custard," he told the fans while sweating professorially.
Hewitt denies he's thick and rich.
Prime Minister Kelvin Rudd has outbid stroking Bollywood writers to claim the services of the most advanced knuckle-drag queen in Australia.
"He both plays for my team," said Rudd, "and he doesn't."
Symonds refused to let the media see his tutu because he "wouldn't wear it."
The media remain upbeat that they can get an idea or two to float for the upcoming celebrations to be held in the streets of Sydney.
The arching tutu went red when Steve Waugh put his hanky in the wash.
"If an Indian isn't doing his rag," Symonds, an avid fetishist, explained, "they're doing their rug."
Bollywood waiters have had to rush to the bathroom to wash their hands of the Australians.
Chinese officials have called a halt to the crippling writers' stroke to import the female Special Olympian they believe is the reincarnation of Chairperson Mao.
"We bereave very much because of her," one bureaucrat told his duck.
Master in Terrorism Steven Speilberg said he was abandoning his wife and rabbit to live in a house made in China just to have a chance to play in the sand with the triple-jumper.
"I'm worth Mills!", an intoxicated Spielberg told members of the Academy.
Mao has asked to see Spielberg's balance.
Spielberg will commence filming himself in gladwrap to keep fresh.
His wife, Roseanne Barr, says that he's an animal in the sack.
His son, Ronald McDonald Reagan, says that he wants more niggers to fry with that.
He is, of course, the one and only.
Speaking from his heavenly palace, the Almighty One told us, "First of all, I am a Christian and second of all I am a God. Third of all, I put Americans on this earth, that I created, to spread democracy, which I didn't."
The heavenly father denies that "spreading democracy" is a euphemism for "stripping resources from poorer countries."
"I deny that", he told us from on high.
The dictator of much of the good book, the wonderfully accurate rendering of fat, says that one day, when the evil, and quite contrary, Muslim darkies have been whipped by "our boys in Iraq" we will all be able to cruise around in "good American cars" with good "American oil" in the tanks.
The tanks are set to roll over Iran next.
Self-imploding film critics have taken aim at anyone able to make money from an industry without making any meaningless contribution.
When a film critic takes aim it is snot without them having their hands on it.
"The film industry is tired of leaking money to crap," said one critic as he sat with his hand in his pop-corn bucket of money.
Said one parasite, "How critics can sit there in their owned trousers scratching their socks of featless loot and take aim at us is gratifying."
It's one of life's little ironies that a tartform like film is entered by people who have money.
The criticism of parasites is, says one monkey, enough to make anyone scratch themselves.
The human race runs off scratches.
David Hicks has leapt to the defence of terrorist apologiser Dick Smith in a stunning episode of Channel Nine's Survivor MMXIV: Guantanamo Bay.
It is understood that Australia's owned Smith is wearing.
"It's OK, I'm decent." he told Brownies selling brownies.
Unemployment statistic Amanda Vanstone has argued to be betrothed to be their wife so she can enjoy the benefits of the prison feud.
Hicks has told members of his tribe to strap themselves in for a rumpy bride.
"Stand back, she's going to blow!" Hicks said as he took out his bazooka before taking out the bitch.
It was rubbish-night.
The episode is due to be aired to the free at the end of Condoleeza Rice's current cycle.
In a move that has been designed to break the striking writer's resolve, Boeing 747 loads of Special Olympians have been dropped on the palatial abodes of Hollywood penpeople.
"They're not smart bombs. They're the latest in high-tech Iraqi weaponry and they're coming to a house near you, if not yours." Osama bin Laden revealed to his agent.
US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said the bombings confirmed al-Qaida was "the most brutal and bankrupt of movements".
"If they had any money, they'd drop real bombs on people's houses." she confirmed.
The writers, who have previously tried to appease al-Qaida, have vowed not to take the latest attacks lying down in the sun shipping chardonnay.
"We will find a way to disable these bombs, and when we do, we're going to rewrite old episodes of Ironside." a penperson's spokesperson said.
Raymond Burr's zombie clone, whose career has gone downhill since accepting the role of Ironside, has nominated Tom Cruise to be pushed out of an aeroplane.
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