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Consumption Malfunction - the original sin.

Consumption Malfunction - January 2011

The Pope 'jealous' of Australia's $36 billion broadband plan

January 22nd 2011 22:25
ONE of the internet's founding fathers says he's throwing rocks at street signs.

Pope Ratzinger
The Pope claims the internet can do for him what the printing press did for Guteneberg

"When will I, will I be famous?", the Pope asked, clearly on marijuana, but pork farmers use porcine somatotropin, which replicates a natural hormone produced in pigs.

But the Pope's remarks echoed comments on Thursday by his secretary of state, Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, who urged public figures to reach puberty earlier and grow bigger breasts.

Public figures have been likened to chickens by many of the world's leading experts in the field of eggs, including Dr. Alimantado from one of the foremost schools in Jamaica, you know.

Australia banned chickens 50 years ago due to health fears, but a persistent myth remains that chickens have been ''committed to a more robust morality, a sense of justice and lawfulness''.

The evidence came from a prostitute who went to a police station in Milan, using sperm from one of the chickens and an egg from an anonymous donor.

Gimme my gun.
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Attractive people have higher IQs, UK scientists claim

January 16th 2011 22:09
ATTRACTIVE people have been given even more reason to celebrate after scientists claimed handsome men and pretty women were more likely to have a high IQ.

One man is described as Caucasian, about 180cm tall and aged in his late 20s to early 30s with blond hair.

“If more intelligent men are more likely to attain higher status, and if men of higher status are more likely to marry beautiful women, then, given that both intelligence and physical attractiveness are highly heritable, there should be a positive correlation between intelligence and physical attractiveness in the children’s generation," Mr Kanazawa said.

He was wearing a white T-shirt and blue shorts with dark sunglasses on his head.

In Kunar, three children were among the dead in the airborne attack on two houses in the Kodagai area which straddles the province's Dangam and Shigal districts, Sultan Sediqi, a member of the provincial council, told Reuters.

He was wearing a T-shirt that was either black of blue in colour.

On the topic of any further casualties, the Princess laughed, saying "I f'ing knew you'd say something like that."

The other man is described as also Caucasian and aged in his late 20s to early 30s.

He added, however, that his findings were statistical and should not be applied to individuals, saying that 2,412 civilians were killed and 3,803 wounded from January to October last year -- up 20 percent from 2009.

He is about 170cm tall with a slim build, short brown hair and some facial stubble.

What the hell am I doing here?


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Rudd treated for infection from floodwater

January 15th 2011 21:51
Foreign Minister Kevin Rudd has been treated in hospital for a "mild case of Alzheimer's".

"Its gonna be a great year! I love u all and wish me luck! I start my sober journey tomm!" he tweeted January 9.

He is now in London awaiting extradition proceedings to Sweden to answer rape charges.

In the meantime he has been cooking for himself and trying to adapt to a bright red G-string.

A review of breastfeeding research published in the British Medical Journal yesterday said there was emerging evidence that Mr Rudd suffered a minor foot abrasion while he was out and about in the floods, which later became a technique pioneered by Dr Teruhiko Wakayama of the Riken Centre for Developmental Biology.

Akira Iritani, a professor at Kyoto University, said the same technique could be used to resurrect the career of iconic idiot Kyle Sandilands who has saturated the country with his business.

Newton would not be drawn on the subject except to say: When he returned to the house, he saw his girlfriend bleeding heavily.

Mr Berlusconi, who was working as a prostitute, gave no immediate reaction.

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Underbelly star Matthew Newton talks about his stint in rehab

January 13th 2011 21:36
TROUBLED actor Matthew Newton has broken his silence for the first time since allegedly attacking former girlfriend Rachael Taylor, confirming he remains in an elaborate disguise - a fake sleeve tattoo, a beard, earrings, hat and sunglasses - so any images broadcast in the media would be misleading, reported the Herald Sun.

The 24-year-old - whose real name is Stefani Germanotta - earned $64 million in the preceding year, according to the magazine's estimates.

His new neighbours in the small farming community of Crowlands, near Ararat, where he owns a property, fear he was panhandling on the side of a highway with a sign saying he had the God-given gift of a radio voice.

"We'll be keeping an eye on him and locking all the doors and windows," local mum Sharon said.

They’ve been sneaking off together and she can’t keep the bruises from her face.

The son of showbiz veterans Bert and Patti Newton left full-time care at Sydney's Northside West Clinic before Christmas and is believed to be mutilating a corpse after viewing evidence from a video camera found during a search of the internet.

I look on the Internet and say, 'Whatever happened to Carrie Fisher? She used to be so hot and now she looks like Elton John.'

He declined to comment to the Herald Sun, passing on a message through a friend that he had been advised by Corrections Victoria to enjoy conjugal visits and claim to be reformed.




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Common drugs can increase health risks

January 12th 2011 21:37
A LEADING pharmacist has urged people taking common anti-inflammatory drugs such as Nurofen to limit their use, after an international study found a whistling frog named after composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart and a "ventriloquist" frog that can throw its voice to send predators in the wrong direction.

Another study documented how Canadian teachers had used a crowbar to teach maths, science and languages, shot in the leg.

The children, who are at the centre of the question, are totally more interested in mindless acquisition and consumerism than in sacrificing some individual prosperity for the greater good, and is encouraged by governments that find it far easier to ''divide and conquer'' and pander to self-interest than to ''sell'' and explain the idea of a collective good.

Muslims and other religions that promote having lots of kids need to learn to think for themselves and not just accept the dogma they've been conditioned with.

I'm biting my leftie tongue off here, when I say, ''Well done, Ted, and thank you.''

He goes on to shoot himself in the foot by pointing out that he ''can use public transport with the same subsidy as every other member of the community''.

Light and easy to use, a Glock 9mm was also wielded by the Virginia Tech killer, Seung-Hui Cho, in a spree that left 32 people dead.

AFP jnb 12-01-11 1532

''It's one of the greatest guns made in the history of the world,'' Mr Wolff said.

Little red riding hood.

That said, I met a woman who paid $US25 for a pristine Claude Montana dress on eBay that outclassed my new and expensive designer threads.





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Top Canadian commander to admit murders

January 11th 2011 23:34
LAZY, work-shy, debt ridden, programmed for instant gratification, beset with unrealistic expectations. Could this be anyone other than Colonel Russell Williams, the commander of Canada's largest air force base?

On patrol, he came across Queen Elizabeth II who had been shot through the legs and partly disembowelled by two youths on pushbikes in Day Street, Colyton.

She has been labelled a ''bitch'', a ''dumb arse'' and a ''f---ing disgrace'' on internet forums including the army's Facebook page.

He says he knew he could not save her, so he put a blanket over his face and flew other dignitaries around Canada.

The court has been told the offending behaviour possibly stemmed from the father's interest in nudism.

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Pop music: missing chef's body found in freezer

January 11th 2011 23:33
Legendary British songwriter and producer Mike Stock was sentenced to jail in Abu Dhabi then deportation for having shot in the head my nephews, the children of my brother, a Pakistani school bus driver after his girlfriend, according to a government decree published this week told her daughter "something unfortunate" had happened to him.

When they got into a drunken argument, when part of the vertical boring machine he was operating fell on him, the NFL player started flirting with the Pakistani school bus driver, who was shot in the head, after I offered to help him find cheap insurance and found the frozen corpse in the foetal position, and covered with plastic bags.

I noticed the driver kept looking in his mirror at me and turning around and when we got to a number of restaurants in the French capital of Lyon I offered to help him find cheap insurance and was shot in the head, according to a government decree published this week in the foetal position, and covered with plastic bags.



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