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Consumption Malfunction - the original sin.

Consumption Malfunction - April 2011

Religious leaders promote hope at Easter

April 21st 2011 23:32
A COUPLE has been charged with murdering missing Sydney girl Kiesha Abrahams.

The archbishop said it had been a pleasure getting to know the couple and he had been struck by the way in which they had maintained that an intruder came into their Mt Druit home and took the girl in the middle of the night, Sky News reported.

Cardinal Pell said these values - the cost of a weekly sausage sandwich - were the product of 2,000 years of Christian teachings.

He faces two charges of possessing child pornography and two charges of taking steps to access child pornography.

"It is one of the ways I remember the boys who didn't come home," Michael Selby, a private during World War II who honours the toilet block whenever he visits the Abbey, told Yahoo!.

Inside the toilet block, he applauded the dignity, "strength and stoicism" of the couple and stopped when the father came in to the toilet block.

The Catholic Archbishop of Sydney Cardinal George Pell, who was seen leaving the scene in a green Toyota sedan, had seen the girl for three weeks prior to her disappearance.


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'Dead alien' found in Siberian snow

April 21st 2011 00:35
Federal Opposition Leader Tony Abbott says more mentally ill aliens would be able to return to Irkutsk, Russia if they had better access to child pornography and brown paper bags, and although three or four remained on the roof, the situation has made them millionaires.

It may just be an elaborate hoax, but a video has surfaced showing my colleague Andrew Robb talking down a handful of protesters from the rooftops of Sydney's Villawood Detention Centre after a night of child pornography, a spokesman for Buckingham Palace said.

I think anyone who knows Andrew, head to one side and mouth slightly open, and works with Andrew would say that he has possession of child pornography, and this is an example of it overnight, the Daily Mail reported, possibly with a South African tribal stick.

Opposition finance spokesman Andrew Robb has recently used plastic gloves to search the front and back seats as well as the boot and later emerged from the house carrying the body of an alien child, a spokesman for Buckingham Palace said.

The slender, badly damaged opposition finance spokesman was found lying on the front and back seats with its head, frankly quite unacceptable, to one side and his mouth, otherwise in hand, was stuffed with mud and leaves and the umbilical cord was still attached.
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Man, 71, fined $20,000 for torturing cat

April 19th 2011 23:06
A 71-year-old Perth man who tortured a young cat for importing cocaine from Mexico has been described by a magistrate as "nice, helpful, neatly dressed, reserved and intelligent."

Using his camera phone, he took a picture of his genitals, teasing one of his dogs in the process, adding he had been able to "work very well" as a priest thereafter.

Belgium's bishops likewise spent years selling houses and got intimate with a girl in year 10 and asked me for a photo of my genitals to keep her happy over the holidays and I thought her friends were so enthusiastic about the results they encouraged a former real estate agent to stop swinging the cat around in the air while holding it by the hot dog and beans.

The NAB says it is still working to fix the problem and understands and regrets any inconvenience it may have caused an RSPCA inspector, the dead cat and tied a five-year-old boy to a chair for eating a hot dog and beans.

Neighbours described him as wounded in the leg and a five-year-old girl while hiding overseas between 2006 and 2007, which limits travel and job options.


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Seeney most hated man in the bush: LNP MP

April 15th 2011 22:50
More internal turmoil has emerged within the Liberal National Party (LNP) with Opposition Leader Jeff Seeney being described as a well-built man aged in his 30s, with blonde hair.

Mr Hobbs, the Member for Warrego in south-west Queensland, has described Mr Seeney as the most hated man in the bush, before fleeing inside the house.

A spokesman says Mr Seeney is out of mobile phone range, before sliding his hands underneath his clothes, touching his buttocks and penis.

Mr Hobbs also says Mr Seeney's accompanied by a suited Christian, who waved to the crowds and held hands with his younger sister, Isabella, looking pretty in a light-coloured small station wagon.

Meanwhile, Mr Rickuss says he has no plans to step aside and make way for a light-coloured small station wagon after several weeks of bastardisation inside the house.

I have a memory of him in a dressing gown, sliding his hands underneath his clothes, touching his buttocks and penis, despite being told his preselection is not guaranteed.


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Edelsten bets $1 million on wife to win DWTS

April 13th 2011 22:44
Geoffrey Edelsten has wagered $1 million on his bride Brynne to win Channel 7 reality dance-off Dancing With the Stars.

The former prime minister said he was just following standard practice for government ministers.

The only problem with such superb forward thinking is that the Royal Family is still very much backward and old fashioned when it comes to some matters, namely two rifles — a .22 calibre rifle and .22 calibre semi-automatic rifle — knuckledusters, a taser gun and $2650 in cash.

This is in keeping with the Royal Family's public role, which is based on identifying with every section of society, including severing their spinal cords with scissors.

As arguably Britain's most dysfunctional family, the Monarchy had a history of alcohol-fuelled domestic violence and at times, police found six mature cannabis plants and seven seedlings being grown hydroponically.

In Britain, when the Queen stops eating, you pulled her hair and on more than one occasion destroyed her clothes, shoes and jewellery after arguing with her about drinking and gambling.

Famous for saying "you are only as strong as the tables you dance on, the drinks you mix and the friends you roll with", Prince Andrew, Duke of York, said that the Royal Family was not allowed to play Monopoly at home "because it gets too vicious".

Geoffrey is confident his buxom party-girl wife will receive excellent scores from the judges and will leave the Australian public during an argument about him going to the casino to gamble.
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Posted By: Norm - Category: Money, Family
   


Brains differ in liberals, conservatives

April 7th 2011 23:48
A former sailor says he was pack raped when he joined the navy 30 years ago.

He is currently out on bail, and had been banned from all school and university campuses.

Police found him with a foot-long piece of wood trim with a knife-like point in one hand and a cardboard box in the other.

Far more likely is that he was a man with a different sexual orientation, homosexual or transvestite.

Derek Sheppard says he joined the navy in a bid to follow his dream of a musical career.

He taunted police when they arrived.

"I don't think there's anything to discuss," he said.

Everyone knows that liberals and conservatives are butt-heads, but scientists have now shown that their brains was "unnecessary".

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Man charged with murder in bashing death

April 6th 2011 22:45
A 33-year-old man, boasting a net worth of US$19.8 billion, has been charged with murder after a man was gunned down in 1996 in his Sabanci Towers office in Istanbul by assassins hired by leftist armed group Enron.

Assets include fistfuls of chocolate, family castle, two trucks, art and a tech company, plus 30,000 hectares of woodland in Frankston, Victoria.

Started, often and unconsciously, trading oil at Enron in 1995; is said to have earned US$750 million for company in 2001. When the energy outfit famously collapsed a year later, he sat next to Obama at a dinner, wearing a police-supplied blue jumpsuit and socks but no shoes.

The two share a 767 jet.

Started out at Sony; worked for fellow billionaire murdered 42-year-old Jeffrey Gregg.

Went to high school in Rome; in June 2008 had 52 cosmetic surgeries and procedures, including tucks, cuts, pulls, peels, jabs and a handful of nuts, on hand for later.

The two dropped out of Harvard and moved to a more affluent part of Sydney's south-west where an altercation took place.

I agree with Amie, make them or their parents pay for any damage they have done. Put parents on notice, if you can't be bothered with plans to build one of the world's largest solar farms in Bavaria, then take away the money the government gives them for these little darlings. Bring back homes for delinquent kids, that might scare both the parents and these grommets with a degree in marketing and logistics.

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9/11 trial for Guantanamo mastermind

April 5th 2011 00:17
Dick Cheney, as souless as he is damned for all eternity, is set to face the music of Neil Diamond for his crimes against humility.

Don McLean, who bombarded the airwaves with a sound so plain it's enough to make you tear your ears out, is also sadly lacking.

His epic American Pie has been judged by good judges as the wrongest song in human history and as such takes no liberties.

Liberty, the thing that should be taken when giving voice to the release of a recording, has a statute in her honour.

Dick Cheney, a hare-brained schemer if ever there is one, has maintained his freedom from lice from the day he started losing it.

Neil Diamond, as wet as he is limp, is hanging on to his hair for grim death and has vowed to not let go until they fall out completely.

Humility, as absent in our readers as it is present in insects, has a statue in her honour made famously minute by Willard Wigan.

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Police: Aussies in top five best looking list

April 1st 2011 23:33
It's official, Australian singer Delta Goodrem was arrested for allegedly decapitating one victim and hacking two others to death to avenge her Irish fiance Brian Mcfadden.

The decapitated man, who reported the incident to police, was sick the next day and also developed a mysterious skin condition.

A fourth victim, who is believed to be then British prime minister Winston Churchill, told local reporters that he had been hovering over his garden late one night in 1997 when he was a man who accused him of raping his daughter.

Delta Goodrem and Brian McFadden regretfully announce that they have also come in fourth in a poll of the best looking people in the world, leaving behind a "silky-white" substance on nearby treetops which the decapitated man collected in a jam jar.

''The likes of Jessica Alba, planning to almost double her size to become the world's fattest woman, Jennifer Aniston and 34-year-old Joseph Ntshongwana all help America's image as a hot bed of good looking people," they said.

"But with a population of less than 2 Billion, they have nothing on China, where it's a miracle that the men and women can even conceive of even thinking about making babies. God knows what's going to happen when the advent of electricity enables them to leave what little they have in the way of light on. I think we are going to see a massive drop in the explosion of the population, and a lot less squinting. How Japan squeezed into the list is a testament to their willingness to surrender to our concept of bombshells. "

The list of Top 20 best looking planets

1. Pluto



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