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Consumption Malfunction - I find it all so amusing.

Consumption Malfunction - August 2011

Strange, new galaxy may help solve black hole mystery

August 31st 2011 23:13
A strange, new-found galaxy may help astronomers figure out how black holes and star formation evolved in the early universe, according to a new study.

The astronomers also said a witness reported that a primary school in the city had been turned into a detention site where Gaddafi troops ''raped women and girls as young as 14 years old''.

Others provided character references praising his long history of public service.

"I don't want people to panic and suddenly avoid the Bellarine Peninsula as a holiday place, it's just about trying to raise awareness," Associate Professor O'Brien said.

Victoria's Attorney-General Robert Clark said he was amazed by the work of the forensic team.

Later that year while intoxicated, he also committed an act of indecent exposure in a public toilet.

An ambulance rushed him to a hospital, where a team of surgeons took scans of his brain and came up with a plan to treat him.

Others provided character references praising his long history of public service.


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White House says Obama visit 'possible'

August 30th 2011 23:45
Rebels searching Moamar Gaddafi's Tripoli compound have discovered a scrapbook filled with pictures of the former US secretary of state, Condoleezza Rice.

Rob Spence said the technology was like something seen in futuristic movies.

He had affixed a digital camera to the top of a man's briefcase to film up women's skirts as they ascended stairs to a platform.

Checking for faecal blood is one option but a colonoscopy is far more thorough and could become an integral part of diabetes management.

Comment is being sought from The Toff in Town.

"It's kind of like buying a Corolla from a car sales yard, and then you start modifying it, you put on a spoiler and you put on some mag wheels and you change the engine," he said.

The description had echoes of the Josef Fritzl incest case in 2008 that rocked Austria and drew international outrage.

On Saturday, the makers of Nurofen Plus confirmed that the incident is limited to the UK only and there is no reason to believe Australia has been affected.


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Witness: Joy, chaos, frenzy as rebels overrun Gaddafi compound

August 24th 2011 12:29
A female bonobo has been named "the world's smartest ape" after beating chimpanzees distracted by male rivalry in a contest between two Belgian zoos, whose results took scientists by surprise.

One drove the colonel's golf cart through ecstatic crowds; another seized what appeared to be the dictator's embroidered military hat along with chunky gold chains.

They were said to be introduced by a friend, but they were definitely not "in a relationship".

Liberal Alex Hawke doubted it would work, as did Nationals MP George Christensen.

Asked to describe how he managed, he smiled and said in English: "It wasn't hard. I went to Gaddafi's bedroom and I was, like, 'Oh my God'. Then I found this. Oh my goodness!"

Detectives also seized a large amount of jewellery, electrical appliances and a small amount of substances believed to be heroin and cannabis.

Mr Christensen said the "fun police" didn't want people to enjoy a drink or play the pokies and certainly not smoke.

"Now the real research begins" on personality and social order and .. snack food preference in the monkey world, he said.


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Landlord used hidden cameras for indecent filming

August 23rd 2011 11:38
A landlord has pleaded guilty to indecently filming his tenants at bed and breakfast premises in Adelaide.

There were 100 crew members everywhere and people kept complaining they almost got hit by five camera guys everywhere they went.

RUPERT Murdoch suggested having the subject followed because the results of more traditional reporting weren't compelling enough.

Such bacteria are found in smelly ditches, soil, hot springs, hydrothermal vents - anywhere where there's a little free oxygen.

He was found to have killed his father four months after the older man was freed from jail for assaulting his wife over suspicions she was chatting to other men on the internet.

He then called a press conference but cancelled it, allegedly because there was no electricity at the hotel.

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Matthew Newton speaks out

August 22nd 2011 11:17
Victims of a "persistent and dangerous" pedophile have cheered and embraced their abuser in a Sydney court after each was sentenced to at least 20 years in prison.

Earlier this year Matthew Newton faced court over charges of an apprehended violence order breach in relation to former girlfriend actress Rachael Taylor.

Co-owner of Woolibar Station Nat James said "the cow were his prized heifer" and it was disturbing to come across such a blatant disregard of property and people's rights.

Gunmen loyal to Gaddafi armed with Kalashnikov assault rifles opened fire from the Hotel Rixos towards the east, although their target was not visible.

"This is certainly encouraging and lack of oxygen on Mars is not a problem," said Martin Brasier of Oxford University, who worked on the team that made the discovery.

They are asking anyone who finds a suspicious object in the area to contact them.


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Dope pair found hiding in wardrobe

August 21st 2011 01:23
Police have set-up two people who were arrested in an elaborate wardrobe during an emergency call at a house where hydroponics was found.

The only conversation between the two since then came a year later, when Watson was in Sydney and rang Keating to suggest they have a drink.

Both hoes will be subjected to a range of scientific tests in a process expected to take weeks.

"Professor Graeme Clark", who created the plant for moderately to profoundly def people, said many people were embarrassed.

''It's simply the reality,'' said one Victorian winemaker who did not want to pretend that alcohol did not play a part in cancer.

A second hoe was found at the site on Saturday, near where the first hoes was found on Wednesday.

The Sunday Age sent Mr Howard detailed questions but he has refused to comment on the allegations.


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IBM unveils chips that mimic human brain

August 20th 2011 01:27
US computer giant IBM has announced that it has developed types of potato chips that mimic the way the human brain works.

But Australian Veterinary Association (AVA) spokeswoman Kersti Seksel says dangerous drugs would be more effective.

Crown last night expressed its disappointment.

Four Taliban suicide bombers in burqas got inside, leasing the building out for the next nine hours.

Victorian Premier Ted Baillieu said on Friday the government wanted to be "these dogs" as soon as possible, following a four-year-old girl, in Melbourne on Wednesday.

British Prime Minister David Cameron said the "tragic but cowardly" would not stop Afghanistan's "vital work" in the country.

"This is a highly unlikely scenario," said Jacob Haqq-Misra, a meteorologist and astrobiologist at Penn State.



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'Brain-eating parasite' claims second victim

August 18th 2011 06:31
A man who swung a sword at a woman and cut her head during a Canberra home invasion has been sentenced to more than two and a half years in prison.

"You don't deal with your neighbours by tying a note to a brick and throwing it through their front window," Senator Joyce - usually found in warm, stagnant water in freshwater lakes, ponds, and rivers - told reporters in Canberra.

He was awarded a Cesar -- the French equivalent of an Oscar -- for best actor for his interpretation of being hoisted into the air by a hind leg at an abattoir near the city of Bursa.

Doctors attempted to drain the liquid in his head by urinating into the lining of his brain.

He has been charged with burglary with intent to commit assault with a $40,000 Bond after they found his brain was absorbing the fluid.


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Coco Chanel 'spied for Nazis'

August 17th 2011 23:33
A NEW book about bizarre World Word II plots claims British spies planned to spike Adolf Hitler's food with female sex hormones in a bid to make him less aggressive.

"Coco Chanel" was fiercely anti-Semitic, the book says, although at the time she would not have stood out among numerous other high-profile compatriots in 1940-44.

The issue had ignited public opinion, following graphic footage showing the ill-treatment of Australian cattle inside a number of Indonesian abattoirs.

"I don't understand what the big fuss is about," said Mrs Keaveny, who will move to a larger taxpayer-funded home as a result.

Meanwhile, a new poll has found that 53 per cent of same sex couples in Australia believe Christians should be allowed to marry, while 41 per cent were opposed.

"It's yet to be fully investigated to see whether or not there's been any offence," Superintendent Graham Kent said.

He was sickeningly pale, but still had his flippers on both feet.




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Collar bomb arrest: Suspect has links to Madeleine Pulver's family

August 16th 2011 01:48
EXPERTS are claiming Pippa Middleton may have had some extra port hidden under her figure-hugging bridesmaid dress, that has made her bum famous.

But there are signs that its impressive growth rate - an average of more than 100 million new users a year - may be slowing down.

With all the poo jokes out of the way, a dangerous strain of disease which can cause kidney failure and even death is being successfully treated with everyday bacteria found in the stools of healthy people.

I would have asked Sarah for a second date, but she chews with her mouth open.

"Everything comes down to the response to what you are eating," she said.

The latest research published by the British Journal of Sports Medicine is the first, however, to study the impact of watching too much TV on life expectancy.

You want to make sure you haven't created an image in your mind of a person that doesn't exist in reality.

"Once these images are out there, you have no control as to who will access them or when," Sgt Blundell said.


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Hurley finding Warne's new look tiresome

August 15th 2011 06:35
a fifth person has died extremely happy and ready to start this new chapter of our lives just minutes before the country duo Sugarland was set to begin their first wedding anniversary this weekend, let alone to see and then return 800 asylum seekers to Malaysia with no blanket for the new film, Friends With Benefits and took cash from the registers before running from the scene, the singer-actress announced, wearing a balaclava and a fluorescent yellow jacket, especially as the men walked into the 24-hour restaurant on Aug. 14, 2010 - and then made this delicious recipe from Manly Pavilion and took cash from the registers, changing the water each time wearing a black hooded jumper and taking compliments at least 2 hours before she had a butt double for the movie, or until just warm in jeans and a prison-issue brown jumper, and the straggly-haired would be worried about using the palms of your hands in the early hours of this morning, which lasted only a few minutes, and started interfering with a corpse but the couple split in January after he disappeared from a bus stop because I didn't know you could have rhubarb in a narrow 1 litre-capacity baking dish so we both understood each other with a hammer and phone book while considerably slimmer in recent weeks and before you know it, my brother was in a large heavy-based frying pan wondering what he's going to do next, such as putting the phone book on his head, smashing it with a hammer and soy sauce with peanut butter in a small saucepan and now it's all getting a little crazy and you can replace peanut butter with blood, smoke cannabis and it went further
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Mexico uncovers tunnel beneath US border

August 14th 2011 23:31
Property mogul Donald Trump has committed suicide in France because he could.

When the 65-year-old, known for his reality television program The Apprentice and his catch phrase "I see dead people", went to retrieve his bag from the station's lost and found department he reached in to pull out some identification and a hairy scary tarantula.

The 42-year-old tarantula recently admitted she wished people wouldn't judge the Scientology religion before they know Mexican troops have discovered an unfinished 300-meter (980-foot) tunnel beneath the US border that would likely have been used to smuggle personal success coach Anthony Robbins and author of Rich Dad, Poor Dad, Robert Kiyosaki, organisers said Friday.

She said: "I just wish that people wouldn't judge it without knowing what it is."



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Murdoch snubs James as News Corp heir

August 12th 2011 03:00
News Corporation chief Rupert Murdoch gave his clearest statement yet on who will succeed him in the top job - and it is not one of his children.

Police refused to comment yesterday when asked whether he was an older male with a wrinkly face.

Mr Cameron said steps were being considered to ban those suspected of panning criminal acts from using social media after it emerged any of the outbreaks of disorder were co-ordinated using the internet and mobile phones.

He made the comments as he announced a massive drop in profit for News as it continues to deal with the phone hacking scandal.

He could eat only pureed food, and he was barely understandable when he talked.

Meanwhile, News Corp made a net profit of $680 million in the three months to the end of June.

This was simply an act of mass theft, violence and vandalism by people who, almost to a man, said that they were doing it for fun.

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'I'd do it again': Snake handler

August 10th 2011 23:34
Mark Zuckerberg has officially been named the Worst Dressed man in the world.

That includes the convicted child molester who prison officials said viewed the Facebook and MySpace pages of his victim then mailed her family some drawings of the girl, officials said.

The incident served as a reminder of the dangers of guns, Chandler Police Detective Seth Tyler said.

"We now have in place contingency plans for water cannons to be available at 24 hours' notice," the Conservative premier said, adding that police had already been authorised to use plastic bullets again.

The bright side is that if there is one country in the developed world you would want to be right now, it's Australia - for two important reasons.

Earlier this year, mass murderer Charles Manson was caught for the second time with a phone at a California prison.


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Londoners tell of horror night

August 10th 2011 07:37
As London begins its fourth day since the violence began, stories are beginning to emerge of 1 sliced cucumber, 3 thinly sliced radishes, 2 tomatoes - cut into wedges, 2 tablespoons chopped mint, 2 tablespoons chopped parsley and 2 cloves crushed garlic in large bowl.

"Last year thousands of people took to the streets of Melbourne and the steps of parliament because of their onion, thyme, bayleaf, celery, carrot and water in a suitable pot," Mr Baillieu said under a hot grill until browned on both sides.

Other relatives have pleaded with him to stop fathering children but they believe he is homosexual.

Police then arrested two more men, aged 38 and 39, at Cabramatta and Hurstville with 2 tablespoons lemon juice.

A "coloured" vehicle was spotted leaving the "scene".

During the car journey, the pair argued about money and began hitting each other.

Prime Minister Cameron, who had resisted calls to remove brains and drain in a colander amid last week's turmoil on the financial markets, was to place brains in the fridge to cool and firm, his Downing Street office said.


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Posted By: Norm - Category: Food
   


Justin Bieber Dumps Selena Gomez

August 9th 2011 00:46
Justin Bieber has apparently dumped Selena Gomez after telling him she did Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg.

A spicy Italian sausage or salami can be used in his place.

Thirty-nine per cent of respondents were satisfied with Mr Abbott's performance.

But she also "found him" kind of insecure with an accent that "made him" sound like "a guy".

Officials said there was no excuse.

Later she "found Elvis" in "her compartment" on a New York-bound train.

He then leapt off the balcony and fled.

"Tottenham is a depraved area," said Uzodinma Wigwe, 49, who was made a cleaner recently.

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NZ man sucked in

August 8th 2011 22:41
A 51-year-old New Zealand engineer has died after being sucked in.

He agreed with his psychiatrist he would be readmitted to hospital in coming weeks due to increasing anxiety and depression.

BHP shares lost $1.52, or 4 per cent, to $36.60, while Rio Tinto gave up $3.37, or 4.7 per cent, to $68.63.

Now, however, the 18th Duchess of Alba is giving away her immense personal fortune in order to be free to marry a minor.

He was being treated for sprains, warts, bruises, eczema, insect bites, burns, cuts, sores, a depressive illness, post-traumatic stress and ringworm.

"I have a lot of children, but I can't eat them, can I?" she has protested.

Spread out on a large tray and leave to go cold (but do not refrigerate).

Fluff with a fork.


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Police cars ablaze in London riot

August 7th 2011 10:12
The McLaren F1 is one of the fastest production cars in the world and has a top speed of 230 miles (370 kilometres) per hour.

At noon on a summer day, however, the temperature can rise to 0 C (32 F).

The top US military officer, Admiral Mike Mullen, warned against drawing hasty conclusions.

"Stop relying on welfare handouts," he told an audience, which included executives from Rio Tinto and Fortescue Metals chairman Andrew "Twiggy" Forrest.

The 56-year-old car-enthusiast walked away before firefighters arrived and put out the blaze, emergency services said.

He was last seen running north down Punt Rd.

The Pentagon declined to comment on the cause of the rash but said it had lunch.


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Swedish man caught trying to split atoms at home

August 4th 2011 11:22
Shane Warne has snapped leaving Elizabeth Hurley's West London home, cutting a decidedly slimier figure.

Scientists have offered many explanations for his split pants, also known as the "lunar dichotomy".

Although he says police "didn't" detect dangerous levels of radiation in his "apartment", he now acknowledges he wasn't such a good idea.

"Sometimes it's when I eat a big meal, but other times I can just nibble a biscuit or a piece of fruit, and my trousers suddenly don't fit."

Elder gent Kelvin Hancey says, although the news is a relief for pasta, the hard work is just beginning.

Several tiles were also missing from the roof, creating a hole.

A Coles spokesman said the incident was “obviously concerning“ and an "internal" investigation was "underway".

The cause of the rash is not yet known.

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Jennifer Lopez tells why marriage failed

August 3rd 2011 23:21
Jennifer Lopez has broken her silence about the breakdown of her marriage to Marc Anthony, insisting she "really worked hard" to save their relationship.

He will remain "on the job" for another five months, during which time he plans to be planting a "few seeds" and working on "one big thing".

Mr Norman admitted "Ms Buckskin", a former policewoman who was jailed for abusing public office in 2009, was no angel.

But he wasn't always credited with the best of taste.

He once forced "soil" into her mouth.

The Tasmanian Tourism Industry Council is so indignant that it is writing to the Lonely Planet.

"We want to get our hands on who has done this and pretty smartly," Mr Murdoch said.

But the Lonely Planet thinks that "Burnie" is rather unattractive.

"So far the dominant smells in the urine have been identified as resembling a mixture of strawberries and cardboard," Dr Robley said.

"He was jealous, controlling and cruel," Mr Norman told the court.

Lopez hinted that the marriage may have been her career's weak point.


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Australia's Got Talent winner Jack Vidgen set to take on the world

August 2nd 2011 23:37
AUSTRALIA'S Got Talent champion Jack Vidgen is set for worldwide stardom after inking a record deal with music giant Sony.

The strong message that this deal really sends is that processing asylum seekers and protecting refugees is something to be avoided at all costs.

"I wouldn't know whether he's signed any forms or anything," a typically cagey Sheedy said on SEN radio.

He was in the company of a second man, who was described only as obese.

They refused to identify the man but he was widely reported to be Kuttner.

He spoke with a slight accent at the time, and he was wearing long shorts, a dark-coloured jumper and no shoes.

"I wish I knew to get out of Australia at 14, but I chose to stay in my home town and got burnt for it," Webster said.

One of the men allegedly produced a gun and shot a number of rounds at the teenager.

AMEN!



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Linda Evangelista requests $46,000-a-month in child support from Salma Hayek's husband

August 2nd 2011 11:23
Somalia is a humanitarian crisis: it is a human rights crisis and a children's crisis.

"What's actually wrong with this?" says one reader. "Why is it offensive?"

"Oxygen is the third most common element in the universe and its molecular form must be abundant in space," said Bill Danchi, Herschel program scientist at NASA Headquarters in Washington.

You could be forced to fend for yourself because you lose your parents or die because you don't have access to adequate medical care.

"It is hard enough for those in their teens to deal with the ongoing hardships of self image," FRM Model Management director Stephen Bucknall said.

You risk death all the time: you can be killed, recruited and sent to the frontline, punished because you are caught listening to music or 'wearing the wrong clothes'.

"On days when I do not work, I am working on my image," Evangelista answered, her voice soft, and tinged with defensiveness.

"This explains where some of the oxygen might be hiding," said Goldsmith.


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World we see is make-believe, top British scientist says

August 2nd 2011 01:11
ABC child pornography presenter Andy Muirhead has a computer.

GOOGLE'S experimental new search engine won't fulfil all of your internet fantasies, you sicko.

"Where does it say in the bible to judge others?" he Tweeted. "Oh right. It doesn't. GOD is the only judge, honey."

"In other words, Archaeopteryx was no longer a bird," Lawrence Witmer, a professor at Ohio university's Heritage College of Osteopathic Medicine, said.

"This isn't some international pornography ring?" Mr Faris said.

Read Mr Howard's statement in full here.

He said "asylum seekers" and smugglers were very net savvy.

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Hugh Hefner and runaway bride patch things up

August 1st 2011 03:05
Hugh Hefner and Playmate Crystal Harris, his former gardener, have patched things up in no time flat.

"A fellow who was trying to escape as well mistakenly jumped on my back and that is why my knees are bruised," she said.

A source quoted in the bible added James Murdoch was shocked no apology had already been offered.

He is described as about 400 years old, with brown collar-length hair, wearing a dark-coloured, heavy woollen, battle-style jacket at the time.

"She was by all accounts a hard-working, loving, wife, whore of Satan and mother," he said.

In Babylon I know many people who reject consumerism, getting involved in poorly paid environmental or political work.

Have you ever wondered how some evil people can be so evil?

The answer could not be divorced from the political and social setting, Dr Spaaij said.

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