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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Baked Bitter - Consumption Malfunction

Recipe for Self-satisfaction with Felon Fries

July 30th 2008 23:21
In a big head, cut off your noose to spit on your farce.
Flay in a steaming heap your opinions.
Pash your bible.
Wrap in a flag.
Preheat the slaves.
In a small mirror, have a lick at yourself.
Make sour your heir licks niece.
Comb your public heir for lace.
Smack crack.

Invade despotic notions with your farces.
Implement oily democracy.
Get the oil.
Add the opinions.
Spittle chips.
In a separate head, plant your ribbed ideals.
Take two straps back.
In a large prism facilty, house your slaves.
Hook on drugs and keep them cracking their hairs.

On a soppy box, stand.
Shout, pout and wiggle.
Straighten your tie.
When the word comes crashing down, run to the rack.
Balding.
Plug with arty facts.
In the preheaded slaves, place the mess.
Fly off the handle.
Spoil the starched cripples.

Waive the bible.
Place the preheaded slaves in your frying chair.
Cook until fried.
Stand.
Play to God.
Laugh your notion.
Serve on a bed of wowsers.
Drizzle with oil.
Good appetite!

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Food, Baked, Bitter, Rocky
   


Germaine Greer: I have AIDS, spread it around

July 27th 2008 00:23
Dinner-dishing whore, kitchen-bound prostitute, ghost-writer for Al Gore, closet Christian, uterus on legs, terrorist pilot, eulogist for the dearly deported, Germaine Greer has contracted AIDS after being at the centre of a gang-bang of left-leaning nut-jobs.

"I was the first person to get the disease," she explained, as she flailed the decaying carcass of notional hero, Steve Irwin.

"Mother Teresa told me in a dream to infect the world with joy," she said, using a sting-ray's barb for a toothpick.

"I'm afraid the best I could do was spread disease," the Amazonian veteran of numerous beneficient government funds said, eyeing off her African victims.

The disease, not in the Bible, should be. It's just that good at killing the poor and ignorant.

God, it's a testament to your greatness.

"It's a ripper!" Bible-pashers told themselves as the world, spinning on its axis, went about its grinning.

"Crikey, if God is love then I'm a monkey's uncle," Greer preached, picking fleas from her avuncularly shaped testicles, as she prepared a service for her congregation.

God, only humans form families.



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Posted By: Norm - Category: Health, Baked, Bitter, Muddy
   


Man: I'm smarter than Mother Nature

July 17th 2008 03:15
Man loves the sound of his own hand clapping

Man, the greatest thinker since sliced head, has refused to bow to his own mater after he was caught tossing off.

"I don't bow to anyone," Man said as he sat on the verge of wiping out his old fella.

"I don't want to fuck my mother," Man said, chopping his Father, Time, into little books.

"I already have," the supreme conquerer told his alien ancestors as he played to God.

Mother Nature is not sure of her son's understanding of his place within her.

"He's an animal in the sack," she said as she put him in a sack and threw him into the abyss.

"He's not the messiah," she said looking at the true Sun.

He's a boy.

"A boy's best friend is his mother," Man had earlier said, cleaning the bath.

Mother Nature, an endless source of riches for Man, is on her last logs.

"I used to be flat here," she said of her Middle Ages.

Time, the Father of Man, is running out for some smokes.



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Posted By: Norm - Category: Family, Baked, Bitter, Rocky
   


The US of A, coming to a battlefield near you, your house, and family

July 12th 2008 02:46
The USA, perhaps the greatest country in the world, probably the greatest country on earth, easily the greatest country in history, internet provider, cradler of civilization, and timeless monolith, is the greatest place I've ever read about.

It has rolling hills, not rolling heads, skies of blue, democracy in abundance. In fact the taps run red with the blood of patriots and defenders of freedom who dried tomatoes for the good of everyone else


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Posted By: Norm - Category: Money, Baked, Bitter, Muddy
   


Children Should Have Clothing: Experts

July 10th 2008 00:59
The stunning statements come in the whack of the controversy surrounding the ever increasing gulp that exists.

"The only thing wrong with naked kids is that they might die from exposure," said one happy snapper as he developed


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Posted By: Norm - Category: Home & Garden, Baked, Bitter, Corny
   


Zimbabweans thank Mugabe for making them billionaires

July 3rd 2008 01:03
Mugabe receives award
God would like to thank Mugabe for this award

Sir Robert Mugabe, rickety-livered black man, well-endowed knight, suit-wearer, Pims sniffer, house-nagger, and world reader responsible for killing people, has welcomed the praise of his people for making them rich.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Money, Baked, Bitter, Rocky
   


Japanese Vealers move in on rampant livestock

June 28th 2008 01:15
These ruminating mothers are safe from the Japanese Vealers

The Japanese Vealers have been met at the gate. Buy Australian Veal. Even after buying all our land, we still won the War. So there!

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Food, Baked, Bitter, Rocky
   


Homosexual bends over backwards to deny himself

June 1st 2008 13:47
A convention of leading scientists has descended into a lascivious and quite unnatural gay orgy when an irate homosexual denied his very existence.

"The facts are that I find other men very arousing," the fridge-picker told his closet before the affair turned heated and avuncular


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Posted By: Norm - Category: People, Baked, Bitter, Rocky
   


Monsters move in on Neighbours

May 4th 2008 00:37
Channel No. Ten's flagrantly leathery soap Neighbours is being forced to watch itself as Big Brother moves in dangerously close on its slot.

"No one else is watching, and we've run out of ideas," said perennial pansies getting out of bed incredulously eerily to shoot


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Posted By: Norm - Category: Entertainment, Baked, Bitter, Muddy
   


Norm lashes out at claims he's self-obsessed

April 15th 2008 01:36
Medea besplattered boggling giant Norm has told his loyal subjects to avenge his tarnished reputation after critics labelled him as Judge Judy and Executioner.

"You can't polish a turd," the ethnic-lenser said as he put down his spectacles


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Posted By: Norm - Category: True Stories, Baked, Bitter, Muddy
   


Women face redundancy as pregnancies sweep the male population

April 1st 2008 00:32
Transmen across Mother Earth are falling pregnant thanks to the latest craze that is weeping the floor: tears.

"Women have been stealing our jobs for years," one heavily fertile transman told his hairdresser


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Posted By: Norm - Category: Family, Baked, Bitter, Nutty
   


Serial Killers Expose Society's Killer Instincts

March 19th 2008 00:07
Serial Killers Union of Australia (SKUA) boss Ivan Milat has met with officials from the meat industry to discuss a possible amalgamation of the two industries that Milat describes as "very, very, very, very, violent."

"Most people, the great majority, think that acts of wretched violence, brutality and inhumanity are somehow utterly repugnant to them," the multilpe mutilator told his gun collection


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Posted By: Norm - Category: People, Baked, Bitter, Rocky
   


Cosmetics King Admits To Having Make-up Sex With 'Funny-man'

February 28th 2008 23:34
The King has gone underground

The 'funny-man', caked in around about three feet of make-up, was unable to comment on the affair that had him in a roundabout of stitches.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Love, Baked, Bitter, Nutty
   




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