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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Civil rights leader, Bill Cosby has shocked the world by escaping a jail sentence during his lifetime, not being a good basketballer and living into old age.

"Hey, hey, hey!" he told his overseer as he picked up the bail for the release of his incarcerated and very christian brothers.

"I'm going to pick up the bail," the cotton-picking Negro sang as he put pun to paper to sign copies of his latest book.

'Crime and Punishment', the latest novel from the hind of Cosby, charts the meteoric arse of Oprah Winfrey as she snuggles to kill Jerry Springer.

Jerry, a neo-conman, is caught unawares that the woman he's boarding with is plotting to give it to him when he's not looking in the camera.

"I'll be very surprised if I get the axe," he told censors as Cosby prepared to talk turkey about his numerous affairs outside of marriage.

A focal campaigner for the Nuclear family, Cosby is still amazed that nobody has dropped the bomb, until now.

"I'm going to drop a bomb on you," he wrote in the cover of Tom Cruise's copy as he jumped on a ship headed for the promised land.

"The empirical evidence points to evil being a human construction, not unlike a city," he continued as black readers were gummed down in their homes.

"Best Wishes, Bill," he finished.

Heavens above, America knows how to handle freedom-fighters.

Kill them, kill them all.



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The new vehicle, descried by executives as the latest in the ever-decreasing gap between desitiny and home, is descried by environmentalists as a car that shits all over anything else on the road.

Utilising cheap immigrant workers under the floor of the vehicle, where they live with their children and grandchildren, the Commoder wipes up after it's off.

"Australia is a notion of passengers," revealed one immigrant living and working under the bonnet.

The Commoder, with a being in every bonnet, faeces injected and fast like a fridge on rollerskits, is a must for eery Australians looking to announce their identity.

"It's not a symbol of why the world is fast going to shit the way that it is when all we want is more of the things that are sending the world to shit," said one silly sausage.

Pricks.




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The playboy, dirty old maniac, womens' lip-operationer and smacking jacket wearer told his mum that he only reads Newsweek for the naked self-interest.

Hef, unashamedly and unreservedly and unapologetically and unrepentantly informed, told his mater that he couldn't imagine a bunny with a name ending in Berg.

"There's no Hebrew word for breast augmentation," Hef crowed as he unveiled his new venture, Playkike.

"I'm bringing the beard back to the bearded clam," he said clasping his clammy ones together.

His mother, totally stuffed and off her rocker, found his stash under his bed as she was hunting rabbis and is believed to have bought his story.

"He could sell Ice to smack-heads," a rabbi told his meddling mother as he posed for the chimera.

Playkike will be on selves very shirtly.

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The bedraggled Liberals are reportedly seeking Norm to fill the leadership vacuum laughed by outgoing and gregarious brothel-goer John Howard.

"He's my troll-model," Norm said as he sheltered under a bridge


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Belittled mugger and all-rind good spot, Norm has sniffelled the ignonimy of having to look "silly" for pisstaking starch-footed Kevin Rudd for a pedestrian.

"I'll be flighting these charges vigourously," the indolent-one told TV guides


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Spanking from in front of his kitchen sink, and transfixed by his rancid reflux, the bogging heftyweight told his innumerable persecutors that everybody is out to get me.

"That hardly anybody has even heard of him doesn't seem to worry him," an unundied man said sifting through Norm's rubbish


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Transmen across Mother Earth are falling pregnant thanks to the latest craze that is weeping the floor: tears.

"Women have been stealing our jobs for years," one heavily fertile transman told his hairdresser


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The King has gone underground

The 'funny-man', caked in around about three feet of make-up, was unable to comment on the affair that had him in a roundabout of stitches.

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Bec Cartwright Has It Off With Horse

February 26th 2008 23:42
In a bonanza for the paparazzi, home and away the best racketeer in the electrical circus, Bec Cartwright has told her father: "Gee, Pa."

After pondering her predicament, hot and heavy with a horse, Hewitt (nee Cartwright) needed to sit down in an esky full of ice


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