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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Recipe for Self-delusion

August 1st 2008 01:21
Pretend that you're making a difference in a big head. In a separate pun, cook off some mushy aggression. Take your opinions and beat off until tender. When the pun of big words smell, begin to slowly add the comments. Brown off until the whole thing sets a fight. Quickly strangle the chicken, making sure that it makes a loud noise. Set aside.

After a few days have pissed, put the whole lot in a pre-headed shovel and put on a low heat. Stammer. On a chopping block, deduce something from specious raisons. Chop infinitely. Get the cut feelings and pretend to be aggrieved. Mix, wailing at the top of your farce. Beat the whole thing into a deluded mass. Call someone a few names, obliquely. Cower behind the write-goods. Bash over the head with your big words. Stand.

Tickle out of the oven. In a large word, pretend to be good and kindly. Be an authority. Run for cover when you're found out. Cut with a blithering knife. Label the sauce on the serving pate. Spin the delusion to sound intellectual. Using big words, continuously. Dot with silent points. Sprinkle with errant forks. Add the opinions and serve cold. Take your spin and put in your mouth. Masticate. Swallow. Digest. Excrete. Repeat until deceased. Serves 6 billion.
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Laws, the inky thinks written on white paper, are, and always will be, the best means of protecting people, say leading psychics.

"Society has always been shot," said one, hand on her crystal heart.

"These band-aids should stop the bleeding," she went on, as someone from the other side got on her wicker basket.

Laws, things pissed by men and, equally, women in suits, written on bits of paper mache and enfarced by men and, thankfully, women in uniforms, carrying guns, welding sticks, wearing hats, taking brides, and questioning everythink, have always healed the hurt.

I feel.

Society, a bullet-riddled riddle, is always looking out for the little guy and, equally, girl.

"Especially when they have no clothes on," said one leading downloader.

"Some," kids one, "are so poor they can't afford clothes."

I feel sick in the cuts.
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Topical cancer and world-renounced waddler Norm has told his doctors of his despair-tire over the facts of laugh.

"I need a sex change," the celebrated abductor said as he nuzzled up to his shotty.

"Some, for a change," he explained, looking down the barrels of bodies in his fault.

"He really needs this," a nurse attending Norm told police as they swapped her.

Norm, who some have descried as the best thing since sliced head, is understood to be trapped inside his very body.

"I have described myself thus," Norm said, picking pellets out of his teeth.

"Don't call me chicken," he said as he hatched a planet.

Doctors believe that we are all trapped inside our bodices.





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The new vehicle, descried by executives as the latest in the ever-decreasing gap between desitiny and home, is descried by environmentalists as a car that shits all over anything else on the road.

Utilising cheap immigrant workers under the floor of the vehicle, where they live with their children and grandchildren, the Commoder wipes up after it's off


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Norm: the media has ruined my life

April 18th 2008 02:33
Media mongol Norm has today vowed to turn his back on the media, which he bereaves has infiltrated his every thought and robbed him of wretches.

"I've spent my howl life in front of a screen," the virtual vulture squeaked as he circled a dying circus


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A university educated butcher and pillow of the community has put down his wife's cleavage after witnessing the wholesale laughter of animals in his neighbour's boudoir.

"They were laughing at their plight," the bloody butcher told patrons of the arts, "It made me rethink how much suffering I really cause


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