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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

The playboy, dirty old maniac, womens' lip-operationer and smacking jacket wearer told his mum that he only reads Newsweek for the naked self-interest.

Hef, unashamedly and unreservedly and unapologetically and unrepentantly informed, told his mater that he couldn't imagine a bunny with a name ending in Berg.

"There's no Hebrew word for breast augmentation," Hef crowed as he unveiled his new venture, Playkike.

"I'm bringing the beard back to the bearded clam," he said clasping his clammy ones together.

His mother, totally stuffed and off her rocker, found his stash under his bed as she was hunting rabbis and is believed to have bought his story.

"He could sell Ice to smack-heads," a rabbi told his meddling mother as he posed for the chimera.

Playkike will be on selves very shirtly.

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Norm in hot water again

April 24th 2008 01:30
Filthy exponent of the lost fart of hammer and patricidal almanac, Norm has refuelled speculation about his increasing prosperity after having a bath for the flirt time in ages.

"I'd be lying if I was having a bath," the perpendicularly challenged sloth told passing showers.

Norm, who has never spelt so good, claims that he really isn't a great spiller.

"If there's one thing I can't stand it's spelling good," the grammatical giant is quoted as splaying while laddering up his boar.

Many critics believe the internet's first laddy spells to high hessian.

Actually, I smell like noises.


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The bedraggled Liberals are reportedly seeking Norm to fill the leadership vacuum laughed by outgoing and gregarious brothel-goer John Howard.

"He's my troll-model," Norm said as he sheltered under a bridge.

It's comments like these that have Liberal party power-pokers salivating at the prospect of the celebrated waiter tucking over the wanes of the political sewing-machine.

"I can stitch anything up," Norm said as put penis to paper in an ahistoric moment.

John Howard has endorsed the strange maniac telling his wife: "He reminds me of me when I was committed."

Norm has refused to be drawn on paper.
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Belittled mugger and all-rind good spot, Norm has sniffelled the ignonimy of having to look "silly" for pisstaking starch-footed Kevin Rudd for a pedestrian.

"I'll be flighting these charges vigourously," the indolent-one told TV guides


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Bec Cartwright Has It Off With Horse

February 26th 2008 23:42
In a bonanza for the paparazzi, home and away the best racketeer in the electrical circus, Bec Cartwright has told her father: "Gee, Pa."

After pondering her predicament, hot and heavy with a horse, Hewitt (nee Cartwright) needed to sit down in an esky full of ice


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