Bert Newton & family escapes rock attack
April 21st 2009 23:54
Living legend of television Bert Newton, his wife Patti and daughter Lauren have escaped unhurt after a cyclist smashed their car window with a rock.
The cyclist is believed to be a member of an extreme wing of the militant group Human Nature, angry over a perceived lack of hardness.
"We of the Human Nature demand that Bert Newton of the Channel Nine Regime give someone else a go. It's not fair," the vocal leader of Human Nature said, without needing recourse for back up, or instruments.
It is understood that the Human Nature hard-liners are backed by powerful members of Channel Seven, who are involved in a bitter feud with Channel Nine.
"We of the Human Nature demand that Glenn Wheatley be released from his unjust home detention, or else we will have to act," the vocal leader of Human Nature said, hitting a new low.
It is understood that Channel Ten are considering allowing one or all of Human Nature's members a role on Neighbours, in a desperate bid to expedite the release of the group's forthcoming video.
"We of the Human Nature will take whatever acting lessons are necessary to land a gig on Neighbours. Or else Bert gets it," the vocal leader of Human Nature said, trying to explain it to Bert Newton.
It is understood that Bert Newton doesn't understand much about Human Nature since his hearing went against him, and he was denied access to his ear-trumpet.
The cyclist is believed to be a member of an extreme wing of the militant group Human Nature, angry over a perceived lack of hardness.
"We of the Human Nature demand that Bert Newton of the Channel Nine Regime give someone else a go. It's not fair," the vocal leader of Human Nature said, without needing recourse for back up, or instruments.
It is understood that the Human Nature hard-liners are backed by powerful members of Channel Seven, who are involved in a bitter feud with Channel Nine.
"We of the Human Nature demand that Glenn Wheatley be released from his unjust home detention, or else we will have to act," the vocal leader of Human Nature said, hitting a new low.
It is understood that Channel Ten are considering allowing one or all of Human Nature's members a role on Neighbours, in a desperate bid to expedite the release of the group's forthcoming video.
"We of the Human Nature will take whatever acting lessons are necessary to land a gig on Neighbours. Or else Bert gets it," the vocal leader of Human Nature said, trying to explain it to Bert Newton.
It is understood that Bert Newton doesn't understand much about Human Nature since his hearing went against him, and he was denied access to his ear-trumpet.
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Comment by Morgan Bell
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its about time someone exposed Human Nature as a militant group and Channel Nine as a regime . . . and why doesnt old moon face give someone else a go?
youre gunna be the next Tracy Grimshaw!
Comment by Norm
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You won't get an argument out of me.
I'm incapable of even holding a simple conversation.
Thanks for validating the tickets I have on myself!
I'm a gunna!
Comment by Morgan Bell
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i can only validate if you make a purchase
Comment by Norm
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I will have... one of those... and one of those... and one of these... and this... and one of these and those and this and one of these...and....one of those, those, these, this, that, this and....them....
Comment by Morgan Bell
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Comment by Norm
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Comment by Morgan Bell
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i do love it, there is no denying
Comment by Norm
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Rock!
Comment by Morgan Bell
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Comment by Norm
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I can be found wandering around aimlessly in a shopping centre near you.
Word to your mother.
Comment by Norm
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Comment by Morgan Bell
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lucky there is noone else on this thread, they might want to smack you for all the notifications
Comment by Morgan Bell
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its a new cereal . . . quite expensive
Comment by Norm
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dare I say it, hahaha
Comment by Norm
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No danger of any other commentators here, Bruce.
Comment by Morgan Bell
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put your pants back on
Comment by Norm
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And belt up.
Comment by Morgan Bell
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Comment by Norm
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Just exactly how I remember it.
Don't let anyone tell you any different.
Stop.
Sanger-time.
Comment by Morgan Bell
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. . . in the name of love, before you break my heart
ahh the good old days, cant live in em, cant forget em