Bible's Original Odd Couple Raise Questionable Child
June 28th 2009 02:09
Adam and Eve, the god-fearing couple of weak minds and weaker flesh, having succumbed to temptation, have told of the hell they endured raising a butchering bastard.
"I always knew he was rotten," Eve said, munching on an apple. "I tried the best I could," she said, "but when God adopted that less than gay stance with him, he was furious."
God, usually so gay about everything, was less than gay when he told Cain, straight up, that he preferred the lips and anus that the butchering brother Abel was able to "present."
"I, in my everlasting magnificence," God said, "decided that, instead of threatening Cain with legal proceedings, for breaking the law," he explained, "I would blame the parents."
Cain, unable to be held responsible for his reprehensible aggression, jealousy and malice, was instead granted, by the ever-loving father who art, a mark of his respect.
"It's killing my brother what my parents have made me do," Cain remarked, digging his own grave. "I can't speak for my brother," he explained, "but God, I wish I was dead."
Abel, the deceased brother of Cain, raised to butcher animals, failed to see the irony of his untimely demise but did offer God, the ever-lasting, praise of his pathological parents.
"They did the best they could," he explained, "to make every mistake in the book possible," he groaned, as dead as dead can be. "At least they're not a couple of the same sex."
"I always knew he was rotten," Eve said, munching on an apple. "I tried the best I could," she said, "but when God adopted that less than gay stance with him, he was furious."
God, usually so gay about everything, was less than gay when he told Cain, straight up, that he preferred the lips and anus that the butchering brother Abel was able to "present."
"I, in my everlasting magnificence," God said, "decided that, instead of threatening Cain with legal proceedings, for breaking the law," he explained, "I would blame the parents."
Cain, unable to be held responsible for his reprehensible aggression, jealousy and malice, was instead granted, by the ever-loving father who art, a mark of his respect.
"It's killing my brother what my parents have made me do," Cain remarked, digging his own grave. "I can't speak for my brother," he explained, "but God, I wish I was dead."
Abel, the deceased brother of Cain, raised to butcher animals, failed to see the irony of his untimely demise but did offer God, the ever-lasting, praise of his pathological parents.
"They did the best they could," he explained, "to make every mistake in the book possible," he groaned, as dead as dead can be. "At least they're not a couple of the same sex."
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Comment by Morgan Bell
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its always the most calm course of action
if you would calm down a bit, Norm, you would know this
calm, calm, serenity
Comment by Aimee Dent
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Aimee
Comment by Norm
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Aimee, it's a Bob Ross original, I'll have you know.
Comment by Morgan Bell
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a new study by the Vatican has shown 2/3 of wankers find it hard to hold a mask up to their face, their arm gets tired too quickly and they dont have enough spare hands
they are also prone Faustian slips
i wish we had a [Hack] button
Comment by Norm
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They're getting fumigated.
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Comment by Norm
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Get it?
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