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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Bitter Muddy - Consumption Malfunction

Germaine Greer: I have AIDS, spread it around

July 27th 2008 00:23

Dinner-dishing whore, kitchen-bound prostitute, ghost-writer for Al Gore, closet Christian, uterus on legs, terrorist pilot, eulogist for the dearly deported, Germaine Greer has contracted AIDS after being at the centre of a gang-bang of left-leaning nut-jobs.

"I was the first person to get the disease," she explained, as she flailed the decaying carcass of notional hero, Steve Irwin.

"Mother Teresa told me in a dream to infect the world with joy," she said, using a sting-ray's barb for a toothpick.

"I'm afraid the best I could do was spread disease," the Amazonian veteran of numerous beneficient government funds said, eyeing off her African victims.

The disease, not in the Bible, should be. It's just that good at killing the poor and ignorant.

God, it's a testament to your greatness.

"It's a ripper!" Bible-pashers told themselves as the world, spinning on its axis, went about its grinning.

"Crikey, if God is love then I'm a monkey's uncle," Greer preached, picking fleas from her avuncularly shaped testicles, as she prepared a service for her congregation.

God, only humans form families.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Health, Baked, Bitter, Muddy

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The US of A, coming to a battlefield near you, your house, and family

July 12th 2008 02:46

The USA, perhaps the greatest country in the world, probably the greatest country on earth, easily the greatest country in history, internet provider, cradler of civilization, and timeless monolith, is the greatest place I've ever read about.

It has rolling hills, not rolling heads, skies of blue, democracy in abundance. In fact the taps run red with the blood of patriots and defenders of freedom who dried tomatoes for the good of everyone else.

The land is the home of educated and it also has immigrants who floundered the land in 1776 when they stumbled out of their boat. By chance, they were English-Spanish. Colon cancer was rife at the time.

The native Indians, eating curry and wearing funny hats, gladly accept the customs of the Mexicans who gladly gave over California in 10 BC. At the time, President Ronald Reagan was still riding his grandmother's hearse.

If you should ever, and you only will if you have a natural resource they covet, cross the US of A be sure to go nicely. They hate to use the big stick but live only for the love of life. You're not yellow, are you?

The USA: Go there, girlfriends! Before it comes to you.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Money, Baked, Bitter, Muddy

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Satan announced as Obama's running mate

June 30th 2008 02:48

The fallen angel, suspected terrorist, keeper of souls, habitual masturbator, pro-Chaucer and Democrat has aggrieved to appear on the ballot with long-time friend, business associate and fellow mister of deceit Barack Obama.

"A vote for Obama is a vote for me" Satan himself said wearing a grin from oar to oar.

The two Satanists, in the same boat, believe that killing children is the American way and running with scissors on wet tails.

God, strangely silent for the last few centuries, is a vocal campaigner for the innocent.

"I'll do everything in my power to save the lives of children," the all mighty one told scribes who had smoked the burning bush as Japanese Vealers remembered Hiroshima.

The two camps, Good and Evil, are, for the first time, to go head to horny head in a vote that will at last bring Armageddon.

"We can't wait," a cured foetus told the pus-driveller on the way to school.

God, tired, is on the record as vowing to send his son, conceived through unconsentual sex and out of wedlock to another man's wiff, to sort out the white from the wrong.

"Jesus, that's me!" he said, wanking up late one day.

We're all adults here.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Love, Grilled, Bitter, Muddy

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Monsters move in on Neighbours

May 4th 2008 00:37

Channel No. Ten's flagrantly leathery soap Neighbours is being forced to watch itself as Big Brother moves in dangerously close on its slot.

"No one else is watching, and we've run out of ideas," said perennial pansies getting out of bed incredulously eerily to shoot

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Entertainment, Baked, Bitter, Muddy

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Norm lashes out at claims he's self-obsessed

April 15th 2008 01:36

Medea besplattered boggling giant Norm has told his loyal subjects to avenge his tarnished reputation after critics labelled him as Judge Judy and Executioner.

"You can't polish a turd," the ethnic-lenser said as he put down his spectacles

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Posted By: Norm - Category: True Stories, Baked, Bitter, Muddy

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