Chomsky and Hitchens meet in secret to thrash out their differences: EXCLUSIVE TRANSCRIPT
August 19th 2008 00:29
Christopher Hitchens is a portly gentleman with a penchant for lesbianism, a head like a turkey and a mouth like a turkey-slapper, heshe and Noam Chomsky, a fiddler with the facts, bizarre raconteur and self-talker, had a famous tiff over a waiteress carrying a plate of fresh buns.
In the interests of fairness, the specific vocal inflections of bananality have been removed to protect the innocent.
Hitchens: Thanks for meeting me like this.
Chomsky: I like to think I'm fairly even-minded about these things.
Hitchens: Do you want a sandwich?
Chomsky: Do I? Let me think, do I? Do I? I'm not sure that's going to help matters.
Hitchens: I've got ham, ham and cheese, or tomato, bacon, ham, egg, beetroot, onion and turkey on white.
Chomsky: My bum's very itchy, but I can't see how you'd care, CHRISTOPHER!
Hitchens: Let me get that for you.
Chomsky: Would you be so kind? Would you? WOULD YOU?!
Hitchens: Would I? I would. I would. I definitely would!
Chomsky: No need to be so rough! NO NEED TO BE SO ROUGH!
Hitchens: You like turkey, don't you? Don't tell me you don't like it!
Chomsky: Give it here! HERE!
Hitchens: I'm sorry for all those things I said.
Chomsky: I'm sorry too, Christopher. I'm so very SORRY! So sorry for all those things you said!
Hitchens: Can you ever forgive me? What we had was special. I miss you!
Chomsky: You've got a lot of work to do. A LOT!
Hitchens: God, you're a bitch! sometimes. Sometimes, you're such a bitch.
Chomsky: This'll never work! I mean, I have my spot where I see things from, and you, YOU HAVE YOURS! You have yours.
Hitchens: Tell me you love me! Tell me you'll never see me again. Tell me. Tell me!
Chomsky: I'm not sure I do anymore. I'M JUST NOT SURE!
At this moment, the elevator reached the ground floor, where both high-minded theorists got into their expansive vehicles and drove off in separate staged directions.
Htchens: I'll never get this. He was the one.
Chomsky: I love playing hard to get! FOOL!
Their hair blowing in the wind, our two star crossed laughers will never, ALAS, see eye to eye. ALAS!
Hitchens: I need a drink.
Chomsky: What are you having?
In the interests of fairness, the specific vocal inflections of bananality have been removed to protect the innocent.
Hitchens: Thanks for meeting me like this.
Chomsky: I like to think I'm fairly even-minded about these things.
Hitchens: Do you want a sandwich?
Chomsky: Do I? Let me think, do I? Do I? I'm not sure that's going to help matters.
Hitchens: I've got ham, ham and cheese, or tomato, bacon, ham, egg, beetroot, onion and turkey on white.
Chomsky: My bum's very itchy, but I can't see how you'd care, CHRISTOPHER!
Hitchens: Let me get that for you.
Chomsky: Would you be so kind? Would you? WOULD YOU?!
Hitchens: Would I? I would. I would. I definitely would!
Chomsky: No need to be so rough! NO NEED TO BE SO ROUGH!
Hitchens: You like turkey, don't you? Don't tell me you don't like it!
Chomsky: Give it here! HERE!
Hitchens: I'm sorry for all those things I said.
Chomsky: I'm sorry too, Christopher. I'm so very SORRY! So sorry for all those things you said!
Hitchens: Can you ever forgive me? What we had was special. I miss you!
Chomsky: You've got a lot of work to do. A LOT!
Hitchens: God, you're a bitch! sometimes. Sometimes, you're such a bitch.
Chomsky: This'll never work! I mean, I have my spot where I see things from, and you, YOU HAVE YOURS! You have yours.
Hitchens: Tell me you love me! Tell me you'll never see me again. Tell me. Tell me!
Chomsky: I'm not sure I do anymore. I'M JUST NOT SURE!
At this moment, the elevator reached the ground floor, where both high-minded theorists got into their expansive vehicles and drove off in separate staged directions.
Htchens: I'll never get this. He was the one.
Chomsky: I love playing hard to get! FOOL!
Their hair blowing in the wind, our two star crossed laughers will never, ALAS, see eye to eye. ALAS!
Hitchens: I need a drink.
Chomsky: What are you having?
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