Control-freak convention relives Trans-Tasman underarm episode
August 21st 2008 00:24
The annual convention of control freaks has gathered together from around the glob to revive memories of a bitter war that erupted over Captain Cook's pungent ardour and sent civilization back centuries.
Back then, in the pre-industrious revolutionary days, man (an earthly perpendicular creature of God's making) sent himself around the planet - flat as it was - in search of bountiful wenches, to their relief.
It didn't take long for Captain Cook, a man who liked a look and a touch, I might add, to discover, for the first time in human history, two colonies of the monolithic empire of her majesty: Freddie Mercury MBE.
So warped was she with the find, she took out her sword and donned Cook with a knighthood: to the wide acclaim of the abhorred-originals - who didn't even know what a wheel was, really.
Of course, the natives of NZ, also shown the word of God and all that entails, were highly enamoured of the British but developed a jealousy, pathological you might say, of their Transient neighbours.
The only thing capable of satiating their need for revenge was to be found in - that bloodsport of international diplomacy - cricket; a game developed by the Brits and spread through the Empire like some sick virus.
It was in this endeavour that the sheep-fuckers plotted to get their cold, cold brand of justice on their hated rivals: us - by that I mean, you and me, by that I mean, naturally, Australians - and more particularly colonials.
It was in this spirit of neighbourly rivalry - not dissimilar from the Balkans - that the wool-grabbers informed the Umpire of their horrible underarms: to the general bewilderment of all members of the commonwealth.
Now, decades on, and our societies in a general sense of decay, they have decided to call our President a lefty; everyone knows the man, and he is - despite appliances: hair-straighteners and so on, - isn't!
Back then, in the pre-industrious revolutionary days, man (an earthly perpendicular creature of God's making) sent himself around the planet - flat as it was - in search of bountiful wenches, to their relief.
It didn't take long for Captain Cook, a man who liked a look and a touch, I might add, to discover, for the first time in human history, two colonies of the monolithic empire of her majesty: Freddie Mercury MBE.
So warped was she with the find, she took out her sword and donned Cook with a knighthood: to the wide acclaim of the abhorred-originals - who didn't even know what a wheel was, really.
Of course, the natives of NZ, also shown the word of God and all that entails, were highly enamoured of the British but developed a jealousy, pathological you might say, of their Transient neighbours.
The only thing capable of satiating their need for revenge was to be found in - that bloodsport of international diplomacy - cricket; a game developed by the Brits and spread through the Empire like some sick virus.
It was in this endeavour that the sheep-fuckers plotted to get their cold, cold brand of justice on their hated rivals: us - by that I mean, you and me, by that I mean, naturally, Australians - and more particularly colonials.
It was in this spirit of neighbourly rivalry - not dissimilar from the Balkans - that the wool-grabbers informed the Umpire of their horrible underarms: to the general bewilderment of all members of the commonwealth.
Now, decades on, and our societies in a general sense of decay, they have decided to call our President a lefty; everyone knows the man, and he is - despite appliances: hair-straighteners and so on, - isn't!
| 57 |
| Vote |
subscribe to this blog
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
L.A.M.P.
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power