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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Granny award whining focalist Mariah Carey's charred body has been discovered by an obese fan.

"I found her in my fireplace," the fried chicken magnet told reparters.

It is understood the fan had earlier abducted Miss Carey from her electrolysister's house.

"I'd been listening to her latest hit single," the fanatic said, as he tucked into a breast.

"Torch my body, throw me on the fire," the fetching fanatic sang as police hoisted him to safety.

It's the first time Carey has gone charcoal.

Miss Carey's press secretary has hosed down the fireplace.

"There'll never be another like her," he mused.

Scientists are working hard to destroy her genetic material just to make sure.





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Jews now have a very definite feature

The surgical procedure, which lasted over three days, saw Gibson MD rewire the mandibles of the multi-globular award whining detractor, and blithering yidiot, Spielberg OBE.

The procedure captured on big brothish surveillance up-skirt cams is being edited by the many wings of the angels watching under the doctored Gibson.

"There's just so much footage," Gibson told podiatrists attending a conventional oven in the lobby.

The resulting Hollywood spectacular, spectacularly bypassing Hollywood waiters, will scare the bejesus out of every messiah.

"I'm going to make a fortune out of Jews," Gibson told nurses attending him.

"First thing I'm going to do is go out and buy a Yamaka," he said while sitting on a hog in the theatre.

Upon hearing of Jews, Gibson's father, Hutton scratched his fingers on the blackboard before being ushered away with some popcorn.

"There's only one way to find out if they really do bleed," he said while sharpening his scalp.
Jews create panic in the water
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