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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Entertainment Sweet - Consumption Malfunction

My Apologies For This Break In Regular Programming, Or How To Be Funny Without Trying

January 19th 2010 23:50
A teenage mother has received a visit from the police in a perverse sort of way. Just like Hitler and Stalin failed to realise how offensive they were, a schizophrenic tried to kill his mother over Moral anarchism or Moral nihilism.

Yet you will have to forgive me if they are not boob experts, and neither are they watching a horror movie where you know that is funny but I would not degrade myself by urinating on the memories of good people like Hitler and Stalin.

Fancy Yourself As An Academic, Scholar or Intellectual?
We Have A Wide Range Of Postures and Stances.
www.myapolotegics.commie

Got A Nose For A Terrorist Agenda?
Smell The Cheese.
www.ready-to-blow.net

Of course we should remember that good people like Hitler and Stalin degenerated into an aimless existence characterised by alcoholism, random meaningless jibes, and Catholicism.

Just like Hitler and Stalin are loved by millions of sweet-toothed customers worldwide, their disgusting behaviour gave “the whole community a bad name” and will never be worthy as we are, always on anti-depressants such as Dairy Milk chocolate bars.
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Posted By: Norm - Category: People, Entertainment, Sweet
   


Civil Rights Leader: I'm now an old man

August 6th 2008 00:42
Civil rights leader, Bill Cosby has shocked the world by escaping a jail sentence during his lifetime, not being a good basketballer and living into old age.

"Hey, hey, hey!" he told his overseer as he picked up the bail for the release of his incarcerated and very christian brothers.

"I'm going to pick up the bail," the cotton-picking Negro sang as he put pun to paper to sign copies of his latest book.

'Crime and Punishment', the latest novel from the hind of Cosby, charts the meteoric arse of Oprah Winfrey as she snuggles to kill Jerry Springer.

Jerry, a neo-conman, is caught unawares that the woman he's boarding with is plotting to give it to him when he's not looking in the camera.

"I'll be very surprised if I get the axe," he told censors as Cosby prepared to talk turkey about his numerous affairs outside of marriage.

A focal campaigner for the Nuclear family, Cosby is still amazed that nobody has dropped the bomb, until now.

"I'm going to drop a bomb on you," he wrote in the cover of Tom Cruise's copy as he jumped on a ship headed for the promised land.

"The empirical evidence points to evil being a human construction, not unlike a city," he continued as black readers were gummed down in their homes.

"Best Wishes, Bill," he finished.

Heavens above, America knows how to handle freedom-fighters.

Kill them, kill them all.



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Posted By: Norm - Category: Entertainment, Baked, Sweet, Nutty
   


Richard Pratt facing the Clink

June 21st 2008 03:03
The upstanding businessman

The millionaire businessmaniac, philanderer, and grovel threated frontman for iconoclastic cardboard band Cold Cheezel has sung for the first time about his date with bumbling officers.

"I'll be going in for the soft-cell," the blues sinker told adoring fanatics.

It is understood he is basing his prediction on the harsh treatment planted out to other high-floundering rorters like Glenn Wheatley.

"By the time they charge me, I'll already be dead!" the laughing Pratt told worried infestors.

The charges stem from planted evidence found in the cardboard hoarders blank pockets.

Good friends have sullied around the ageing sinker as he prepares for beddy-byes.

Good night, nerves.

I know.

Nothing.

Nothing!
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Posted By: Norm - Category: Entertainment, Scrambled, Sweet, Nutty
   


Gone with the Marathon Man

June 1st 2008 01:18
“Is it safe?”
“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn!”
“Is it safe?”
“Is it safe?”
“Is it safe?”
“Is what safe?”
“Is it safe?”
“What?”
“Is it safe?”
“Like a house.”
“So it is safe then, that’s a relief. I was very worried there for a moment.”
“Me too, but now I know it’s safe, I can relax.”
“Frankly, is it safe?”
“I don’t give a damn!”
“Is it safe?”
“Exceedingly!”
“Very well.”
“Very!”
“Well, I don’t even know any more.”
“It is safe.”
“Is it?”
“Yes, yes. Very safe. Very, very safe.”
“I’m not so sure.”
“If it wasn’t, would I say it was?”
“I don’t know you that well.”
“Well, I do.”
“Knowing you, I’d say not.”
“Yes, but you don’t.”
“All I want to know is if it’s safe.”
“I keep telling you that it is.”
“What?”
“It!”
“It’s safe to say it’s not safe then.”
“It is safe.”
“Is it safe, is it? Is it really?”
“Really, really safe!”
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Posted By: Norm - Category: Entertainment, Poached, Sweet, Corny
   


Transgendered man murders Sydney Pollack

May 27th 2008 13:19
The heavily pregnant father of his wife and gun wielding wrestling maniac told the disbelieving Pollack, before he pimped him full of lead, that he was one of his chosen people.

"I am not saying I'm God, or that I'm a know-it-all. I'm just saying I'm a woman trapped inside the body of a man," the transgendered man told customs officials.

Police politely apprehended the suspicious sort swiftly as s/he tried on swimsuits in a stall at the delicatessan.

"There's nothing delicate about this salami," the suspect said swinging a sausage from his skirt.

Shoppers had become alarmed after waking up to a loud ringing in their rears later identified as shorts being fried from the assailant's scone.

"Have you ever seen a Jew earing shorts?", a white-wing croupier told gambollers as he chased after the trannie.

It was then that Police swooned on the shemale with a mating ritual that onlookers have described as a cancer.

Pollack, lying dying in the street, could only watch on as his wife pissed before his eyes.

Thus ended the worst day of shooting in the detractor's career.
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Posted By: Norm - Category: Entertainment, Scrambled, Sweet, Nutty
   


Blank title angers filthy content

March 26th 2008 12:13
The filthy content of this post has lashed out violently at the title of this piece in a stunning burst of creativity by its haphazard author.

The content, who wished to be remain deeply discontented now that it's wintery, has refused to admit that.

When questioned by the author of the piece, the content simply went blank and urinated over an acclaimed author.

"I'm not an acclaimed author," the author of the content wrote in his own faeces, "But I wish I wasn't," he said eating a mudcake.

The title, alarmed that its passivity has been called into question, has remained steadfast in its public position that it should lead.

"My fellow Australians," the leader told its subjects, "I am the one with the big title here," he said while polishing his bedpost.

The saga is set to have tongues wagging school and hanging out in undesirable locations across the virtual world.


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Posted By: Norm - Category: Entertainment, Grilled, Sweet, Muddy
   


The Man With The Average Penis Size, The New Hollywood Thriller

March 7th 2008 22:10
Size matters to buffs
There are no holes in these buckets, so fix it

From a book by award-winning novellist and pedestrian, Norman Mailer, comes the new movie about a man born with a penis that lets him down in every department store.

Directed by the very well endowed kiddie cuddler Roman Polanski and starring the elephantine Danny de Vito, the movie has producers pumped.

"We're worried our penises are not quite up to the mark," said CSI's Jerry "The Giant Jangler" Bruckheimer.

Whatever it is about The Man With The Average Penis Size, audiences are putting their hands in their pockets.

"When you see a man with an average size penis on the big screen it suddenly makes you feel your own," said one film-goer's companion.

Critics have put it under the microscope and come out with sore eyes.

"It's better than average," wrote Large Leonard Maltin in his review of the edge of your seat thriller.

Already a prequel is in the works, simply called The Man With The Below Average Penis Size, but producers are holding off until they see how audiences swallow this one.
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Posted By: Norm - Category: Entertainment, Baked, Sweet, Rocky
   




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