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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Man loves the sound of his own hand clapping

Man, the greatest thinker since sliced head, has refused to bow to his own mater after he was caught tossing off.

"I don't bow to anyone," Man said as he sat on the verge of wiping out his old fella.

"I don't want to fuck my mother," Man said, chopping his Father, Time, into little books.

"I already have," the supreme conquerer told his alien ancestors as he played to God.

Mother Nature is not sure of her son's understanding of his place within her.

"He's an animal in the sack," she said as she put him in a sack and threw him into the abyss.

"He's not the messiah," she said looking at the true Sun.

He's a boy.

"A boy's best friend is his mother," Man had earlier said, cleaning the bath.

Mother Nature, an endless source of riches for Man, is on her last logs.

"I used to be flat here," she said of her Middle Ages.

Time, the Father of Man, is running out for some smokes.



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Laws, the inky thinks written on white paper, are, and always will be, the best means of protecting people, say leading psychics.

"Society has always been shot," said one, hand on her crystal heart.

"These band-aids should stop the bleeding," she went on, as someone from the other side got on her wicker basket.

Laws, things pissed by men and, equally, women in suits, written on bits of paper mache and enfarced by men and, thankfully, women in uniforms, carrying guns, welding sticks, wearing hats, taking brides, and questioning everythink, have always healed the hurt.

I feel.

Society, a bullet-riddled riddle, is always looking out for the little guy and, equally, girl.

"Especially when they have no clothes on," said one leading downloader.

"Some," kids one, "are so poor they can't afford clothes."

I feel sick in the cuts.
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The vertically challenged giant of America has suffered a mild concussion after the roof fell in on her when she tried to change a lightbulb on the chandelier.

"How many women does it take to change a lightbulb on a chandelier?" paralegals asked her to test the veracity of her concussion.

Her answer, believed to be incorrect, was: "What's being a woman go to do with changing anything?"

The heftily concussed former thirsty lady, believed to be intoxicated, denied claims she was changing anything.

"Hang on," she had earlier told husband Bill as he clutched her legs.

He denied that he had been bad lick for the former farced lady.

"She's worked like a slave for change but they've gone for a slave for a change," Bill said, off on a tangerine.









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Transmen across Mother Earth are falling pregnant thanks to the latest craze that is weeping the floor: tears.

"Women have been stealing our jobs for years," one heavily fertile transman told his hairdresser.

Transmanians say they feel incredible to be able to finally deliver something that isn't a crying sham out their passages.

"Babies grow faster in the bowel," one screamed in pains that proved to be a false Islam.

"I was only shitting," the Transman wrote on the bowl.

The trend that has made women obsolete is helping men get in touch with their feminine asides.

"I always wanted a Ute," one transman said as he drove off to a day of labour.






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That old mother Hubbard embarks on another business vulture, Orble

"Orble and Scientology are totally different. On the one hand Scientology makes promises it can't keep, and Orble..." L. Ron Hubbard told his old girl.

His mother, who went to the cupboard to fetch her dog and bone, wasn't taking calls.

The baby, a scavenger, found the body.

"It was yummy," the infantile said.

Scientologists have distanced themselves from claims they are related to Orblers.

"Is Alpha-Centauri distant enough?", Orble chief Tom Cruise told tiny specks.

The insignificant specks continue to mar spaceships.

"Blogging mars the craft," said one waiter with his hands full of himself.

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Britney's Grandmother Opens Up

February 8th 2008 01:32
Britney's mothers admit to fathering themselves

"As soon as I gave birth to her, I hit the wall," the ageing matriarch told parasites ticking off Britney, "because I was running a marathon."

Britney's 'mothers' have released explosive pictures of the scabby labour.

"I still had my brothers waiting in line for eggs," she told things attached to themselves.

The nervous ticks feeding on others have stuck together a community of writhers from the scabs.

"We have nothing new to say and no new way to say it," one leading exponent of the parasitical arts told fleeing villages, "but we certainly think highly of ourselves."

The scabs have wound up eating away.
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America's first baglady Britney Spears has surrendered to the undeniable charms of Presidential aspirin and father-figurine Clinton.

"I have showered her in my love." Clinton said aloft a wonky shopping trolley.

Spears has denied claims that she's a reflection of the undeniable talentlessness of music consumers with more money than sins.

"I am the undeniable product of the women's lip-operation movement."

Teenage girls grow into women.

The world is a better place now than it was in the past.

"I believe in prozac." Spears told herself before drifting off.

Clinton denied that she's ever played volleyball or served a spike.

"I did not have sexual relations with that man - Mr Clinton." Clinton said before the mirror as she shaved this morning.

On her way out, the door shut.

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Rags to riches vibrating human Britney Spears has come clean about her on again off again dildo.

The dildo, who she has affectionately dubbed with the voice of Jodie Foster, is a contraption Spears has claimed has helped her reach those high notes.

"I've never liked digitally enhanced sessions", she told barrackers.

The lilac-larynxed pop idle told Jodie Foster to get on her bike and meet her at a secret location for some upholstery appreciation.

Foster, a known Communist and star of such films as Butch and the Sundance Kid, told Spears "don't stop".

The case continues.
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