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Family Nutty - Consumption Malfunction

Bush Texas Wedding Spectacular

May 12th 2008 00:08

Held in the labyrinthial dungeons of the Whitehouse, US Presidenture George W. Bush married his daughter of twenty or so ears in a lavish musical conducted by the reanimated corpse of Nazi synthesizer Herbert Von Karajan.

"I was very happy to give away my daughter," Bush said under his breathmint.

"She's no oil painting. I couldn't give her away," he revealed, giving himself away.

His other daughter, no less of a thing unlike an oil painting than the other who's not one either, is up for auction on Ebay.

"The highest bid so far is $2.78, but I'm not going to give her away," Bush told bargain haunters.

Condoleeza Rice, clearly inflatulated with Georgey, heartbroken at losing the olive of her martini is still holding out hopelessly for another shot at the title.

"I'm not going to throw myself at him," Rice said as she threw herself over the hippy couple.

Marriage is a holy unction between a man and woe.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Family, Poached, Sour, Nutty

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Women face redundancy as pregnancies sweep the male population

April 1st 2008 00:32

Transmen across Mother Earth are falling pregnant thanks to the latest craze that is weeping the floor: tears.

"Women have been stealing our jobs for years," one heavily fertile transman told his hairdresser.

Transmanians say they feel incredible to be able to finally deliver something that isn't a crying sham out their passages.

"Babies grow faster in the bowel," one screamed in pains that proved to be a false Islam.

"I was only shitting," the Transman wrote on the bowl.

The trend that has made women obsolete is helping men get in touch with their feminine asides.

"I always wanted a Ute," one transman said as he drove off to a day of labour.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Family, Baked, Bitter, Nutty

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Twins Ruin JLo's Cunning Stunt

March 21st 2008 22:15

Corn-lover, chimp-magnet, and dog-skinner, Jennifer Lopez has been upstaged in a special ceremony to honour the charitable work of her crab-catcher.

The mangey oyster, responsible for more head-trauma than her larynx, will never be the sane again after delivering two bouncing baby bangers onto a plate of mash.

The pair of sausages, mostly lips and anuses, stunningly responsible for upstaging Lopez's stunner of a stunt, are avoiding the media for fear of a squint of sauce.

Lopez strenuosly denies reports that her monkey-maker will never wink quite as well as before.

"These little ones of mine," JLo told her bank-roller, "didn't even touch the sides."

"I've still got my own lips and anus anyway," a furious JLo said while scoffing down a sausage.

Lopez is set to jump her motormouth over her grand canyon in the coming weeks.