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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Twins Ruin JLo's Cunning Stunt

March 21st 2008 22:15
Corn-lover, chimp-magnet, and dog-skinner, Jennifer Lopez has been upstaged in a special ceremony to honour the charitable work of her crab-catcher.

The mangey oyster, responsible for more head-trauma than her larynx, will never be the sane again after delivering two bouncing baby bangers onto a plate of mash.

The pair of sausages, mostly lips and anuses, stunningly responsible for upstaging Lopez's stunner of a stunt, are avoiding the media for fear of a squint of sauce.

Lopez strenuosly denies reports that her monkey-maker will never wink quite as well as before.

"These little ones of mine," JLo told her bank-roller, "didn't even touch the sides."

"I've still got my own lips and anus anyway," a furious JLo said while scoffing down a sausage.

Lopez is set to jump her motormouth over her grand canyon in the coming weeks.
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