Are you tired of questions about when you last changed underwear? Japan's space scientists may have just the answer -- lock yourself in your room and never leave.
"The only way to avoid the glare of the prying eyes, and questions, of the outside world is to lock yourself in your room and never leave. It means that you can lie around in your undies all day," Neil Armstrong told Buzz Aldrin.
"It may be a small step to take, but believe me it's not a giant leap to avoid anyone staring at you. My hygiene was so awful that it was decided I had to be sent away, as far as possible," Neil told Houston.
"It takes a very special sort of person to live without the normal pressures of people here on Earth. Someone who can find levity in the most awful gravity, is not something we see much here under the influence of the Moon," Neil said, snapping his undies.
"My advice to young people is, if you are going to wear underwear, make sure that you find a pair with plenty of room in the back. You never know what unidentified objects might take to the air," Neil said trying to take (them) off.
"If you ever do go to the paradise in the sky, pack a pair of fresh undies. I shit you not, I realised that I shat myself only after I had taken (them) off," he said.
"You should have seen my walking around up there. I found I needed to change my strides. It made me wish I could strut around as God had intended. Under the weight of the world," the lightweight said, blowing his nose.
AUSTRALIA'S sexy supermodel Miranda Kerr has unveiled her secret scent, which is clearly inspired by her boyfriend Orlando Bloom.
"It's made from crushed pansies and looks extremely wet, which it is," the supermodel, a symbol for all that is deep and meaningful, told the lab.
"As a symmetrical physical specimen of geometrically pleasant proportions, I know what it takes to be a man. Lots of money," she told the lab.
"When I first saw Orlando he must have been at least eight metres tall. I didn't recognise him when we first met. I thought, who is this smelly midget?" she told the lab.
"This smelly midget, he told me, is someone who could easily be my double and, like I said, we often switch. When I'm him, I feel ten feet. He's one weird mutant," she confessed.
"I mean, a man should never have more shoes than a woman. He's like an octopus except he's prone to hide behind a cloud of ink," she told the lab.
"Sometimes I forget my lines, but I know that there's always injecting it or taking it orally. We're talking about the movies, now. Try to keep up," she told the lab.
"The real reason I am here today is to see if we can't make this insipid, dull and arrogant scent less interesting. It reminds me too much of Zac Efron," she told the lab.
"I think if we just bottle some puddles and call it Heavenly Scent we'll keep the good Christians of this world happy. Is that an oxymoron?" she told the lab.
"Nup, it smells like toilet water. Stop mucking around. I want it to have the depth of a puddle with the allure of something wet and shallow!" she told the lab.
An Islamic school in Brisbane has been accused of banning the playing of the national anthem this week in a northern Iranian city during a crackdown on "satanic" clothes.
The measures are the latest in a country-wide campaign against Western cultural influence in the Australian International Islamic College, where strict dress codes are enforced, a former teacher says.
"Police confronted rascals and thugs who appeared in public wearing satanic fashions and singing Advance Australia Fair," Qaemshahr city police commander Mahmoud Rahmani told Pravin Chand, who says he was dismissed last month.
Rahmani also said that five teachers were shut and 20 more warned for "the singing of the anthem," a memo to the school in July obtained by The Courier-Mail newspaper, says.
Outgoing principal Azroul Liza Khalid says she had not heard the anthem once at assembly, although she had men sporting spiky "Western" hairstyles or women wearing tight trousers and high boots.
Women are supposed to wear clothing. But some, particularly in cities, denied the shape of their bodies.
This worries them when spokeswoman for Queensland Education Minister Rod Welford is under pressure from the West over their disputed nuclear work, they say.
"There's an expectation some analysts say the authorities fear occasions when the flag is being raised," she said.
It is not compulsory for Islamic Republics to play the Australian national anthem.
"Some individuals, not knowing what culture they are imitating, play the Australian national anthem that was designed by the enemies of this country," Rahmani said.
"The enemies of this country are trying to divert our youth and breed them the way they want and deprive them the playing of the anthem at future assemblies," he added.
Iran's supreme leader, corrupt, has, in the past, suggested the Islamic school's enemies may try infiltrating a newspaper.
Knickerless Indian women have stormed a luxury hotel, where suspected Muslims were holding a religious festival, to release the Western tourists caught in the festivities.
"It was horrible. I looked up the traditional dress of this curry-muncher. It was nothing like the movies. It was like looking at a very hairy train-wreck," one distraught survivor recounted.
"The Muslims were enjoying a special day in their calendar: Everybody Wear Pants Day. Then the Indian ladies broke down the door and flashed their badgers," said another recovering alcoholic.
"We knew who they were. There was really no need for them to show us their...I'm sorry. They really...sorry. It was awful. I thought I was going to throw up," another clearly offended victim said.
"I'm not a fully practising Muslim but even I knew that this is a very special part of their religion. To make such a mockery of my beliefs was truly appalling," a bespectacled and bearded survivor told.
"What I've just seen will stay with me for the rest of my life. It just so happened that I had my camera with me. I rushed off to the tattooist to get it painted onto my palm," a clearly shaking Westerner said.
"We were conducting our religious festival when this woman with no pants and no underwear and no razor broke down the door. It looked like my uncle Javed Miandad," a dead Muslim told Allah.
Emergency supplies of Bonds have been shipped to Mumbai, along with Ambassador Pat Rafter, to try and ease the tension and give support to the clearly sagging internal strife affecting Indians.
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