Read + Write + Report
Home | Start a blog | About Orble | FAQ | Sites | Writers | Advertise | My Orble | Login

Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

These ruminating mothers are safe from the Japanese Vealers

The Japanese Vealers have been met at the gate. Buy Australian Veal. Even after buying all our land, we still won the War. So there!

Holding up signs which read: "We are conducting cullinary tests", the Vealers were met by protesting mothers wearing lather jackets and slurping tea with their fluffy scorns, jammed.

Cows, responsible for Global Warming, are earmucked to be slaughtered in record numbers and their calves taken into State care, or summarily executed also.

"The only way to solve their embarrassing omissions is to stamp them and their offspring out, totally," legendary rugger Peter Garrett told his wailing martyr.

The Japanese are only too happy to help pout.

"It's a wink-wink situation," Garrett winked as he looked back at Molly Meldrum, who was sprouting a hat at the time.

Lather, of course.
28
Vote
Shared on
   


Australia is ready to blow

June 20th 2008 00:18
Australia, a ticking time bomb planted by the British cistern of justice, and full of the moribundly obtuse, is ready to explode, say starving Africans.

The striving Africans, also planted by the British sister of justice: prudence, have been dying to say something on this issue.

Their spokesman, Chilean duct-taper Robert Mugabe - responsible for the deaths of people, says that he's a machete for any man.

Westerly windy duck-tappers are Emocryptically elocuted.

"I'm more than a match for you fews," Mugabe said as he got a Brazilian under his nostril and waved his staffer in the hair.

Africans, no longer Slavs, their hands on the snips, are set to cut the cord with their colonial mothers, winch and four walls.

Colonialism is a mother of a thing at the beast of tames.

Yours says hi.

48
Vote
Shared on
   


Those unwilling victims who unfortunately succumbed to the irresistible charms of kiddie-pornographer, terrorist sympathiser and drug boss, Bill "Mad Dog" Henson now tell of their years of torment in front of his vaselined apparatus.

"He used to really smear it on," said one recently formed adolescent with a fanny gate.

The victims were assembled by harmless community leaders who were licking for some action of their own.

"Unfortunately these kids are no longer kids at all," one federal policeman said as his download finished.

"It's thanks to these disgusting images of the human body that we should all fear the human body," a crusader for the righteousness of their own egocentric altruism stated.

Bill Henson, himself now undead, probably wishes he was.








41
Vote
   


A university educated butcher and pillow of the community has put down his wife's cleavage after witnessing the wholesale laughter of animals in his neighbour's boudoir.

"They were laughing at their plight," the bloody butcher told patrons of the arts, "It made me rethink how much suffering I really cause


[ Click here to read more ]
70
Vote
   


delicious spread made from lard-arse
I can't believe it's not a butterball

The "fat sucker", as she's known on the streets, claims she's made herself the toast(spread) of the town by losing all her pounds on the track.

[ Click here to read more ]
58
Vote
   


Boomerangs and booze, our worst fears

January 20th 2008 23:49
Australians are fed up with baby formula, an exclusive surveyor reveals.

The surveyor, a man with a funny shaped implement, has told us that massive new homes should go everywhere


[ Click here to read more ]
31
Vote
   


Govt to apologise for sauce mix-up

January 15th 2008 22:58
Things last night turned nippy at a wild party organised by a blubbering teenager with Greek fans being sprayed with garlic sauce.

Fans grasped for hair as the Greeks raised their arms above their heads


[ Click here to read more ]
36
Vote
   


Curries, the Source of Trouble

January 5th 2008 23:17
Rug-heads from around the shit-hole of Central Asia and those manning taxis from inside Australian borders are a bunch of monkey throwers, according to leading walkers.

The curry-munchers, nothing more than peculiar smelling and incomprehensible, will have to eat humble curry-pie when they feel the might of a nation of beaters


[ Click here to read more ]
59
Vote
   


The debilitating stroke that has left Hollywood a dribbling vegetable has left Australia a shrivelled carrot.

The dehydrated vegetable was found by watching television


[ Click here to read more ]
45
Vote
   


An "excessively overweight' man from Canberra, dissatisfied with the size of his meal, has consumed "sushi" in protest.

The man, simply known as Mrs. Howard, has also complained about skinny people "disagreeing with my constitution


[ Click here to read more ]
28
Vote
   


Michael Jackson Chucks Spears

November 24th 2007 00:29
Michael Jackson
The Spears-chucker(seated left)


A top American head-fucker has told a crowd of emotionally ingrown toe-nail clippings that Michael Jackson has been the "ass model" for popped princess Britney "Asparagus" Spears


[ Click here to read more ]
33
Vote
   


Al Gore boils his girlfriend's flesh

October 12th 2007 23:13
gorepreparesoprah
Gore gets a fat one

Al Gore has celebrated his induction into Tennis Hall of Fame by boiling the prime flesh of former girlfriend Oprah Winfrey


[ Click here to read more ]
42
Vote
   


Delta Goodrem, who believes in life but not wife, is what locals call "jerky"

Fresh from the release of her latest hit album "Bigger Than A River System", humble pianola grinder and vocal torture-artist Delta "Spit-roast" Goodrem has landed herself at the table of the whacky Bali bombadiers


[ Click here to read more ]
42
Vote
   


Moderated by Norm
Copyright © 2006 2007 2008 On Topic Media PTY LTD. All Rights Reserved. Design by Vimu.com.
On Topic Media ZPages: Sydney |  Melbourne |  Brisbane |  London |  Birmingham |  Leeds     [ Advertise ] [ Contact Us ] [ Privacy Policy ]