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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Games - Consumption Malfunction

Threat of air strikes during Pope visit

June 22nd 2008 02:24
The Jews are poised to attack sinful city of sunny Sydney as the Pope takes off to launch attacks on World Youth Day.

"These measures are our preferred course of action," said one money-grubber as he awaits a messiah who has already left.

The train doesn't carry anyone, unhardly.

The Pope, chosen by God to represent his interests - financial and strategic - here on Earth, has asked God forgiveness for "not whipping them out when I had the chance."

We underpantstand he was stalking about a very naughty boy.

Sydney, a citadel on the rocks, is hoisting the unction - World Youth Day, to spread the weird.

The massage is the medium.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Games, Poached, Sour, Nutty
   


Jury finds defendant Guilty after reading horoscope

June 12th 2008 03:02
The jury found the defendant 7 Across Not innocent because Libra The scales will be tipped against someone with good reason.

The judge, a manager with a funny wig and a smashing hammer, was at a loss to describe the justice cistern.

"I can't believe people would believe their astrological reading was accurate," the judge said as a Jehovah's witness swore on the Bible.

"I swear by it," the witness told unwitting householders.

They had to be invited in for a battered scone.

The guilty man, undeniably so, faces a lengthy sentence.

"I hope it's not too long," said the head juror, cryptically.

"I get bored if they're too long," he noted vertically.

Tattslotto will be drawn tonight.







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Posted By: Norm - Category: Games, Baked, Sweet, Corny
   


Talk about Apartheid bash

May 10th 2008 00:41
For he's a golly good fellow

One time terrorist and hero of the West, Nelson Mandela has revealed the guest list of his bathday bash exclusively to CM as part of his community service.

"When I was rotting in prison nobody wanted to know about me because I was a socialite, and then the Wall came down and suddenly the threat of a large black nation of socialites didn't worry the West any more, so they let me out of prison where I was sent for, of all things, being a terrorist," the Alzheimerish Mandela told the families of a host of dead black prisoners from the good old days.

Osama bin Laden, teleterrorist and concave-dweller, will, it is a secret so don't tell anyone, jump out of the cake and sing a rousing and extraordinary rendition.

Mandela's Molotov cocktail party will also feature pass the ticking parcel and pin the crime on the monkey.

The threat posed by whoreloads of Muslims is nothing like akin to that once poised by the same of enchanted apartheid sufferers.

"It's going to be a blast!" Osama shouted as the lighters went up.
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Posted By: Norm - Category: Games, Poached, Sour, Nutty
   


Thousands hail diggers in dawn services

April 25th 2008 00:15
An angry mop, high on the intoxicating velour of war, has hurled rocks at sheep who thought that fighting for God and Country really meant that.

War, believed by many to be fertile, has to be seen to be bereaved


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Posted By: Norm - Category: Games, Poached, Sour, Rocky
   


Norm embroiled in bitter feud over grammatical pomposity

April 13th 2008 00:45
Embittered boggler Norm has spoken up about the looming crisis farcing the anklish languages in the wake of the dearth of indecent waiters.

"I'm a real nut-picker when it comes to waiters dotting their toes and crossing their eyes," the cross-eyed madman told his anal cyst


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Norm's friends irate at his shopping antics

April 4th 2008 23:49
Ahmed(left) at an award ceremony held by Brenton(right)

Bogger to the stares and all-around could guy, Norm is reportedly devastated that his chums have talked to the Medea.

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Angry title hits back at content

March 31st 2008 05:18
The title of this short, very short, piece has hit back at the clams of the content that there is nothing in it.

"I strongly deny that I have ever had anything to do with the actual content," the title told reporters waiting on their hands and feet


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Posted By: Norm - Category: Games, Scrambled, Sour, Muddy
   


Bec Cartwright Has It Off With Horse

February 26th 2008 23:42
In a bonanza for the paparazzi, home and away the best racketeer in the electrical circus, Bec Cartwright has told her father: "Gee, Pa."

After pondering her predicament, hot and heavy with a horse, Hewitt (nee Cartwright) needed to sit down in an esky full of ice


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Posted By: Norm - Category: Games, Baked, Spicy, Nutty
   


Andrew Symonds Felches Millions of Pounds For Rudd's 20/20 Cricket Summit

February 26th 2008 04:37
Prime Minister Kelvin Rudd has outbid stroking Bollywood writers to claim the services of the most advanced knuckle-drag queen in Australia.

"He both plays for my team," said Rudd, "and he doesn't


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Posted By: Norm - Category: Games, Scrambled, Sour, Muddy
   


China 'Imports' 'Hated MIlls' to kill 'Master Terrorist'

February 14th 2008 01:22
Chinese officials have called a halt to the crippling writers' stroke to import the female Special Olympian they believe is the reincarnation of Chairperson Mao.

"We bereave very much because of her," one bureaucrat told his duck


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Posted By: Norm - Category: Games
   


Evil genius Roger Federer admits to creating winning-machine monster

January 26th 2008 12:36
The diabolical brain behind the single-handed bandit has told opponents to beware of his latest creation ahead of electrical activity that has him remembering dismembered patients from his past.

The evil Doctor Federer, who has whipped many lazy rackets over the net, has admitted that his latest diabolical invention is his most self-destructive


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Hewitt to Ponting: You're Not Arrogant Enough.

January 8th 2008 22:08
Former sports champion Lleyton Hewitt, the son of the late Princess Diana, has appealed to the Australian cricket team to "make it hotter for those curries".

Citing the non-violent protests of the renegade spinner Gandhi as a precedent, Hewitt believes that "These retards are just a pack of retards. C'mon, I should know. I have a double-handed backhand


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Posted By: Norm - Category: Games
   


Australians Go Ape

January 4th 2008 23:19
The banana shortage that has led to an increase in racism has caused commentators to slip and fall as diabolical Australian hypocrisy goes, "Oooh, oooh. Aaaah. Aaaah".

The shortage that has seen luminaries from all manner of paddocks picking fleas of each others' backs has seen embattled Australians labelled "embattled


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Posted By: Norm - Category: Games
   


Spare Bombers from Church

January 2nd 2008 22:17
A grass-roots campaign to save spontaneously combusting people from the onerous duty of attending church has sprung up in front lawns across the road.

The campaign that was triggered by a timely sprinkling system has hosed down speculation of a smelly horse


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