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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

There's no I in KGB: FBI

August 4th 2008 01:07
The Bachelor reads you his rights

The FBI, a benevolent organisation run by vacuum-cleaning magnate Ed Hoover, is furious that it has been likened to the KGB, a malevolent organisation run by bereft-leaning idealogues.

"When we want to get rid of someone," a spokesperson for the burning-cross-dressing clan told the free and the brave, "we just kill them."

It is understood that the KGB, a secret harm of the now dismantled Columnist's block, was happier to see its revolters sent to prison.

"We're not against that as such," the spokesperson said, putting a pillow-case on a pensioner's head.

"If we find someone revolting we usually just close our eyes," they said, chaining freedom to poor people and throwing away the key.

"The key is acquiring property and wealth," they said, putting a few paupers behind bars as white killer criminals escape our conceit of justice.

Ed Hoover, a mouth like an unctious cup, frigger-head for the wheels of the just, the poppy-master for millions of addicts, homo for the free and the manlady of the craven, is wearing pretty thin.

"I look like an emancipated Negro," his corpse moaned from deep below the surface, frying chicken.

"I was always way ahead of my time," the obese, secretly serviced, Mephisto told Liberace, praying with his keys.




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The fallen angel, suspected terrorist, keeper of souls, habitual masturbator, pro-Chaucer and Democrat has aggrieved to appear on the ballot with long-time friend, business associate and fellow mister of deceit Barack Obama.

"A vote for Obama is a vote for me" Satan himself said wearing a grin from oar to oar.

The two Satanists, in the same boat, believe that killing children is the American way and running with scissors on wet tails.

God, strangely silent for the last few centuries, is a vocal campaigner for the innocent.

"I'll do everything in my power to save the lives of children," the all mighty one told scribes who had smoked the burning bush as Japanese Vealers remembered Hiroshima.

The two camps, Good and Evil, are, for the first time, to go head to horny head in a vote that will at last bring Armageddon.

"We can't wait," a cured foetus told the pus-driveller on the way to school.

God, tired, is on the record as vowing to send his son, conceived through unconsentual sex and out of wedlock to another man's wiff, to sort out the white from the wrong.

"Jesus, that's me!" he said, wanking up late one day.

We're all adults here.


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Fat Tony: Corby is the Big Cheese

June 24th 2008 02:11
Body-hoarding gimp, ruglord, mister of disguise and indecent until proven quilty man Tony Mokbel has pointed the thinger squarely at the woman he described as "bossy-britches" in stunning revelations to be aired soon.

"She looks like a regular person," Fat Tony told Jenny Craig as he sat down to a calorie contorted regime.

"But inside beats the heart of person with clogged arteries," the overwrought Mokbel snorted while slipping on a Diet Coke.

Mokbel claims that he was merely a poppet for Corby, who he also describes as "about 75kgs".

"That puts her street value off the graph!" he muttered to inquiring soap-makers.

The claims are refuted strangely by Corby's mother, who has reason to believe that Corby, on the run in leotards, has lost weight recently.

"I'm sending a convoy of obese Australians over to see Mokbel," she confessed to her father, for she had sunned, herself.

"The whole thing is going to blow up in his face!" she exclimbed, downering a hymnburger with the lit.

Salt and sugar are not drugs.

Lord, no!



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The bland, leading the bland, have met with their one true mister - a one-eyed wizard with one hand down his pants and the other down yours.

"I mean you no harm," he said stroking a severed head of letters


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Norm, the wanking headline behind so many outrageous sandals worn with socks, has revealed his wedgie to a Medea throng in retaliation to the hounding he has sniffelled at their hinds.

"I'm sick of reading about my life," the media magnet told refigerators


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Jews now have a very definite feature

The surgical procedure, which lasted over three days, saw Gibson MD rewire the mandibles of the multi-globular award whining detractor, and blithering yidiot, Spielberg OBE.

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