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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Norm, nature-laugher, florist extraordinaire, bong-head, simpleton, Marxist reanimator, dope-thinker, papal-pleaser, stay-at-home dud, fart-laugher, and kiddy-art crayoner is too much of a laugher to think that nature doesn't have the answers.

"I'm too conceited to admit that I am conceited," the willing masturbator, crass-dresser and master of conceit told waiting ear-holes.

Words, insane, inane, human creations, are barely of our own making, anyway, he said whittling his pencil into a sharp point.

That we think they are the masters of reality is a sham, the increasingly erotic wordsloth told the mastery that is the world we try and hopelessly master.

Particularly when they're so hard to muster, anyway, the authoritarian farce of reason said as he stacked a pile of words to create offence he was building to keep the pests out.

Dearth, waiting in the wings like a flea on a pigeon, is too plentiful to believe in our supremacy, the increasingly rabid dag told fellow laughers.

It's unfortunate that pride comes before a fool, the foolish philanthropist told himself as someone paraded a float of big words down the river.

Words, water off a dick's blog, are not reality; reality is hard like my fart.

Nature beats book for truth, I'm silly.



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Fat Tony: Corby is the Big Cheese

June 24th 2008 02:11
Body-hoarding gimp, ruglord, mister of disguise and indecent until proven quilty man Tony Mokbel has pointed the thinger squarely at the woman he described as "bossy-britches" in stunning revelations to be aired soon.

"She looks like a regular person," Fat Tony told Jenny Craig as he sat down to a calorie contorted regime.

"But inside beats the heart of person with clogged arteries," the overwrought Mokbel snorted while slipping on a Diet Coke.

Mokbel claims that he was merely a poppet for Corby, who he also describes as "about 75kgs".

"That puts her street value off the graph!" he muttered to inquiring soap-makers.

The claims are refuted strangely by Corby's mother, who has reason to believe that Corby, on the run in leotards, has lost weight recently.

"I'm sending a convoy of obese Australians over to see Mokbel," she confessed to her father, for she had sunned, herself.

"The whole thing is going to blow up in his face!" she exclimbed, downering a hymnburger with the lit.

Salt and sugar are not drugs.

Lord, no!



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Those unwilling victims who unfortunately succumbed to the irresistible charms of kiddie-pornographer, terrorist sympathiser and drug boss, Bill "Mad Dog" Henson now tell of their years of torment in front of his vaselined apparatus.

"He used to really smear it on," said one recently formed adolescent with a fanny gate.

The victims were assembled by harmless community leaders who were licking for some action of their own.

"Unfortunately these kids are no longer kids at all," one federal policeman said as his download finished.

"It's thanks to these disgusting images of the human body that we should all fear the human body," a crusader for the righteousness of their own egocentric altruism stated.

Bill Henson, himself now undead, probably wishes he was.








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Henson asks Bickle to pull his finger

Vigilant tax dodger, kiddie-porn proponent, bearded claimant and reclusive happy snipper Bill Henson has been fatally shot by taxi driver Travis Bickle.

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Norm, the wanking headline behind so many outrageous sandals worn with socks, has revealed his wedgie to a Medea throng in retaliation to the hounding he has sniffelled at their hinds.

"I'm sick of reading about my life," the media magnet told refigerators


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Norm hits back at critics

April 8th 2008 04:04
Embattled boogler Norm has slammed his critics for calling him a lazy parasite after he couldn't be bothered finishing

"I always finish my sentences," the errant spiller told his pet pug


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Twins Ruin JLo's Cunning Stunt

March 21st 2008 22:15
Corn-lover, chimp-magnet, and dog-skinner, Jennifer Lopez has been upstaged in a special ceremony to honour the charitable work of her crab-catcher.

The mangey oyster, responsible for more head-trauma than her larynx, will never be the sane again after delivering two bouncing baby bangers onto a plate of mash


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In a coup for wealthy arts-holes, striving artists have increased the size of the pool in the Archibald lottery.

"We've had to dig around in the dirt for years," said one blood-shot-eyed loser in a dtch


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