Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Grilled Sour Nutty - Consumption Malfunction

Bill Henson's victims ask for brains

June 5th 2008 02:28

Those unwilling victims who unfortunately succumbed to the irresistible charms of kiddie-pornographer, terrorist sympathiser and drug boss, Bill "Mad Dog" Henson now tell of their years of torment in front of his vaselined apparatus.

"He used to really smear it on," said one recently formed adolescent with a fanny gate.

The victims were assembled by harmless community leaders who were licking for some action of their own.

"Unfortunately these kids are no longer kids at all," one federal policeman said as his download finished.

"It's thanks to these disgusting images of the human body that we should all fear the human body," a crusader for the righteousness of their own egocentric altruism stated.

Bill Henson, himself now undead, probably wishes he was.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Food, Grilled, Sour, Nutty

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Travis Bickle shoots photographer Bill Henson

May 25th 2008 00:27

Henson asks Bickle to pull his finger

Vigilant tax dodger, kiddie-porn proponent, bearded claimant and reclusive happy snipper Bill Henson has been fatally shot by taxi driver Travis Bickle.

"I wasn't even talking to him," Henson told Saint Peter before being sown the door to Inferno.

It is underpants Cupids, generally thought not to be between the ages of 10 and 16, had earlier attempted to unite Henson and his subject Jodie Foster in a "sexual way".

"Cupids don't carry guns," Bickle told the dithering parents of Foster as he let Henson have it.

"He told me where to go - nobody tells this taxi driver where to go. Nobody!" he whispered while watching a porno with the ageing couple.

Crusaders against art have lauded the movie.

"Anything without children in it is wholesome," a campaigner said while wearing shoes made by children in China.

"These shoes for another instance!" she said after dropping her kids off at McDonalds.

Henson's body will be chemically castrated with Saddam's secret recipe in a private ceremony.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Health, Grilled, Sour, Nutty

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Only one winner in the race for the Archibald Prize

March 8th 2008 23:34

In a coup for wealthy arts-holes, striving artists have increased the size of the pool in the Archibald lottery.

"We've had to dig around in the dirt for years," said one blood-shot-eyed loser in a dtch.

The coup, chicken-feed for wealthy cats, is a cage.

The pool cleaner, a woman without a moustache, arrived with her children to sweep the pool for her.

"It's not creepy to get my crawlers to do my dirty work," she told the wealthy land-owners.

There can only be one winner in the exploitation of pool-diggers.

"It's me," the winner told jubilant art-lovers.

When asked if she could be any clearer, she told baby-shitters for Sean Connery: "Do I have to paint a picture for you?"