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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Norm, nature-laugher, florist extraordinaire, bong-head, simpleton, Marxist reanimator, dope-thinker, papal-pleaser, stay-at-home dud, fart-laugher, and kiddy-art crayoner is too much of a laugher to think that nature doesn't have the answers.

"I'm too conceited to admit that I am conceited," the willing masturbator, crass-dresser and master of conceit told waiting ear-holes.

Words, insane, inane, human creations, are barely of our own making, anyway, he said whittling his pencil into a sharp point.

That we think they are the masters of reality is a sham, the increasingly erotic wordsloth told the mastery that is the world we try and hopelessly master.

Particularly when they're so hard to muster, anyway, the authoritarian farce of reason said as he stacked a pile of words to create offence he was building to keep the pests out.

Dearth, waiting in the wings like a flea on a pigeon, is too plentiful to believe in our supremacy, the increasingly rabid dag told fellow laughers.

It's unfortunate that pride comes before a fool, the foolish philanthropist told himself as someone paraded a float of big words down the river.

Words, water off a dick's blog, are not reality; reality is hard like my fart.

Nature beats book for truth, I'm silly.



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Norm hits back at critics

April 8th 2008 04:04
Embattled boogler Norm has slammed his critics for calling him a lazy parasite after he couldn't be bothered finishing

"I always finish my sentences," the errant spiller told his pet pug.

It's a climb that is strongly refuted by irrefutable accidence brought forward by his enemies.

"We know how to organise information into legible sentences," the sensible citizens in an insensible world told authorities.

It is understood that sensible sentences are in accord with a world perceived through reliable senses.

"Sentences should reflect the secure handle we have on things," the rabidly slipping information-gatherings told sadvertisers.

The sentence is due to be handled down tomorrow.
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Twins Ruin JLo's Cunning Stunt

March 21st 2008 22:15
Corn-lover, chimp-magnet, and dog-skinner, Jennifer Lopez has been upstaged in a special ceremony to honour the charitable work of her crab-catcher.

The mangey oyster, responsible for more head-trauma than her larynx, will never be the sane again after delivering two bouncing baby bangers onto a plate of mash.

The pair of sausages, mostly lips and anuses, stunningly responsible for upstaging Lopez's stunner of a stunt, are avoiding the media for fear of a squint of sauce.

Lopez strenuosly denies reports that her monkey-maker will never wink quite as well as before.

"These little ones of mine," JLo told her bank-roller, "didn't even touch the sides."

"I've still got my own lips and anus anyway," a furious JLo said while scoffing down a sausage.

Lopez is set to jump her motormouth over her grand canyon in the coming weeks.
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