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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

The human heart, a large pump-action shit-gun, a bloody miss, a vital organiser, is on the left, say sinister individuals involved in the removal of my property from my person.

My property, the things that make me happy, is mine, and you can't have it, say grown-ups praying in the sinned pit, while paddling in their pants.

The sinister individuals, clutching their breasts erratically, have tried to get their red-hands on my hard-earned since day dotty, say those who are always correct.

It's probably why so many people are right-handed, say guessers on gameshows designed to soothe the human heart by endowing their owners with new things.

Things, as they stand, are bound to fall down. It's only right that the heart, on the left as it pimps blood through the vain, bleeds, say breeding hearts.

The discovery is at odds with conventional thinking that has the heart, squirely in the muddle of the chest, an instrument used for keeping the brains, say Zombies.

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Fat Tony: Corby is the Big Cheese

June 24th 2008 02:11
Body-hoarding gimp, ruglord, mister of disguise and indecent until proven quilty man Tony Mokbel has pointed the thinger squarely at the woman he described as "bossy-britches" in stunning revelations to be aired soon.

"She looks like a regular person," Fat Tony told Jenny Craig as he sat down to a calorie contorted regime.

"But inside beats the heart of person with clogged arteries," the overwrought Mokbel snorted while slipping on a Diet Coke.

Mokbel claims that he was merely a poppet for Corby, who he also describes as "about 75kgs".

"That puts her street value off the graph!" he muttered to inquiring soap-makers.

The claims are refuted strangely by Corby's mother, who has reason to believe that Corby, on the run in leotards, has lost weight recently.

"I'm sending a convoy of obese Australians over to see Mokbel," she confessed to her father, for she had sunned, herself.

"The whole thing is going to blow up in his face!" she exclimbed, downering a hymnburger with the lit.

Salt and sugar are not drugs.

Lord, no!



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Henson asks Bickle to pull his finger

Vigilant tax dodger, kiddie-porn proponent, bearded claimant and reclusive happy snipper Bill Henson has been fatally shot by taxi driver Travis Bickle.

"I wasn't even talking to him," Henson told Saint Peter before being sown the door to Inferno.

It is underpants Cupids, generally thought not to be between the ages of 10 and 16, had earlier attempted to unite Henson and his subject Jodie Foster in a "sexual way".

"Cupids don't carry guns," Bickle told the dithering parents of Foster as he let Henson have it.

"He told me where to go - nobody tells this taxi driver where to go. Nobody!" he whispered while watching a porno with the ageing couple.

Crusaders against art have lauded the movie.

"Anything without children in it is wholesome," a campaigner said while wearing shoes made by children in China.

"These shoes for another instance!" she said after dropping her kids off at McDonalds.

Henson's body will be chemically castrated with Saddam's secret recipe in a private ceremony.



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