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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

lara bingle's raunchy pic
Lara tells sinners where to go

The luscious lady of Lucifer, Lara Bingle has asked the damned, "So where the bloody hell are you?" today as they filed in their nails one by one.

Sinners, the entire human racing industry, are appalled that Lucifer's leading lady should lead such a lascivious (after)life.

"Christ almighty, when they said she had a great rack, this isn't quite what I had in mind," said one recently deceased Anglican minister when he saw Bingle's instruments of torture.

It is understood by pilgrims that Lucifer, fallen star John Wayne, is Satan's "partner".

"It'll be a cold day in hell when we get air con," Lucifer told Bingle's havenly nipples.

Soap stars have told tabloids of their desires to sing songs for Satan's saucy slut.

Many residents of hell can't wait for the soap-stars to be dropped by God.



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