Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Health Sweet - Consumption Malfunction

The human heart is on the left: new discovery

August 2nd 2008 01:06

The human heart, a large pump-action shit-gun, a bloody miss, a vital organiser, is on the left, say sinister individuals involved in the removal of my property from my person.

My property, the things that make me happy, is mine, and you can't have it, say grown-ups praying in the sinned pit, while paddling in their pants.

The sinister individuals, clutching their breasts erratically, have tried to get their red-hands on my hard-earned since day dotty, say those who are always correct.

It's probably why so many people are right-handed, say guessers on gameshows designed to soothe the human heart by endowing their owners with new things.

Things, as they stand, are bound to fall down. It's only right that the heart, on the left as it pimps blood through the vain, bleeds, say breeding hearts.

The discovery is at odds with conventional thinking that has the heart, squirely in the muddle of the chest, an instrument used for keeping the brains, say Zombies.

Vote

Shared on

Consumption Malfunction

Norm Friends

Comments (6)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Norm - Category: Health, Grilled, Sweet, Corny

Email this Post to a Friend

Alternative medicine practitioner captured after living in disguise as a murderous thug

July 23rd 2008 01:32

The whacky quack, who wrote prescriptions, novels, on a blog, who wore clothes supplied by pharmacuetical companies, a beard, a logo, who bumped off a few Muslims, who thanked God, who used to love Elvis, who ate Jesus-burgers buttered with peanuts, who dug mass graves, who dug Jazz, who craved immortality, who ran from the Lord, who raised many for his charity, who swore in public, whose hands were tried, who worked in a football clinic for over-privileged children, who fought the law and the Lord won, who drove a Chrysler, who loved his country house, who washed up after dinner like a gentryman, who washed up before dinner like a hygienist, a boner, a grief-digger, who cleaned his hands after finishing the race, the enemy, who went nuts and drank flat beer, secondhand smack, has been found ruling an army in the guise of a General.

Stylists for the Doctor are pleased with his new look, his new smell, his new ardour, his new apparel, his new gunsmith, his new shovel, his new sallow crave, his tickling time bum, his sense of stale, and have praised his manners, his ettiquette, his practice, his posture, his hymning voice, his advice, his orders, and have laughed off calls he was ever a doctor, a medicinal practitioner, an educated manager of disease.

"Hahaha," they said, smiling, waving, bending over backwards, trying on a new hat, new undies, new Coke, new car, new stereo, new microwave, new TV, new baby.

"We're not happy about our bodies," the dysmorphic dead have whispered in the rear of the perceptive, the recepticals, the holier-than-hell, the morbidly obtuse, the trendy and inwardly mobile.

"Do I look like a New Age guy?" the brutal SNAG mused, wondered, pondered, all the while brushing his bushy beard, fiddling, playing, with his celloist, his conductor, his nurse, his assistant, losing his patience, his virtue, his vice, his hammer, his suckle.

You be the judge.

I'll just be trying.

Vote

Shared on

Consumption Malfunction

Norm Friends

Comments (3)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Norm - Category: Health, Scrambled, Sweet, Muddy

Email this Post to a Friend

Norm: I'm not a paranoid narcissist

April 9th 2008 23:40

Spanking from in front of his kitchen sink, and transfixed by his rancid reflux, the bogging heftyweight told his innumerable persecutors that everybody is out to get me.

"That hardly anybody has even heard of him doesn't seem to worry him," an unundied man said sifting through Norm's rubbish.

Unable or unwilling to be plagiarised away from his kitchen sick, Norm remains adamant that he is neither in laugh with himself or suffering failings of persecution.

"These things are real," Norm said of a troop of avenging pink elephants at his door.

The saga is believed to stem from his inability to accept his own flailings.

Norm remains cooped up with his pen as this goes to print.

Vote

Comments (2)

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Norm - Category: Health, Baked, Sweet, Nutty

Email this Post to a Friend

Britney Spears Hospitalized With A Break In Her Finger

March 16th 2008 04:40

The buxom beauty behind so many of our favourite ballads has gone ballistic at the break in her bony beaver-burrower.

"It smells fishy to me," undies-nostrillers told themselves while whacking their walnuts

[ Click here to read more ]

Vote