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Consumption Malfunction - the original sin.

Kraft, Cheeses Packing Darkies over Racist Cheese, Coon, in More Strife

September 28th 2008 00:02
Kraft Cheese, the tyrannical manufacturers of vegetableless Vegemite and cheese Coon, is in trouble with the Jews after the release of its new line of sliced ham called Kosher.

"A pig is a dirty animal," Muslims facing Maccas, who are distributing the new and delicious product, prayed as Jews, working behind the scenes, as always, conspired to rob me.

The delicious pig-based ham, nearly 5% pure ham, has hit rivals for sex with a complete stranger with muscles in their thighs like you wouldn't believe and breasts made of milk.

"You don't say SPAM, you say shit," better rivals told their accountant, probably a Jew, as they rolled around in their filth while cutting off the lips and anus of a crucified porker.

The delicious lips and anus, 5% lips and anus, from the lips and anus of a pig have many groups up in arms, but it's the Kosher name that has Jews calling for all babies to be killed.

"It's not Kosher," a gentile told his terrible infant's kindergarten teacher, Mrs. Goldberg, as she took the suckling morsel off to the laughterhouse for a spot of sentenceless murder.

Kraft Cheese spokespeople, slippery customers, have told their customers, slippery, to slip their hands, slippery, into their pockets to feel around for their own lips and anuses, in response.

"We're asking people not to look at the label," they said in a statement, as they processed some food the way God intended, when he sent his first born down to the shops.




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9 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Lady Henrietta Muddling

September 28th 2008 00:16
I'll say it again.

Your writing is getting better and better. This is seriously funny shit.

Comment by Norm

September 28th 2008 00:28
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I've got to watch Wapner. And I'm an excellent driver. You're too intelligent for words. You should go into pictures.

Comment by Lady Henrietta Muddling

September 28th 2008 01:30
If I've told you once? I've told you ...

before?

Comment by Morgan Bell

September 28th 2008 10:15
when i was a kid we used to go swimming in a channel to a coastal lake and there was a vegetated sandbar we would wade out to called Coon Island . . . they must have really liked their cheese there!

Comment by Norm

September 28th 2008 21:33
Dave, if I've been told once, I can never remember if I've been told before - so don't tell me, I'll guess.
Morgs, a vegetated sandbar? sounds like Kraft have been developing more products. Their sense of irony knows no pounds.

Comment by Jayne Kearney

September 28th 2008 23:26
Can you believe I just Googled 'Kraft Kosher Ham' to find out if this fabulous piece of absurdity was based on a real story?

You would make a great propagandist, Norm. I'm ready to believe anything that spills forth from your keyboard!

Comment by Norm

September 29th 2008 00:36
If only I could find a government I approved of. It would have to be a Socialist-Anarchist-Democratic type thingo. Not easy to constitutionalise or institutionalise that kind of thing. Don't, believe me I've tried. Don't believe me, I've tried. And look out for the Kraft Vegetated Sandbar, because it's coming to a shipping centre near you. Cheers

Comment by Cibbuano

September 29th 2008 03:05
I wouldn't be so offended by Coon cheese if it just tasted better.



Comment by Norm

September 29th 2008 22:23

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