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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

The fallen angel, suspected terrorist, keeper of souls, habitual masturbator, pro-Chaucer and Democrat has aggrieved to appear on the ballot with long-time friend, business associate and fellow mister of deceit Barack Obama.

"A vote for Obama is a vote for me" Satan himself said wearing a grin from oar to oar.

The two Satanists, in the same boat, believe that killing children is the American way and running with scissors on wet tails.

God, strangely silent for the last few centuries, is a vocal campaigner for the innocent.

"I'll do everything in my power to save the lives of children," the all mighty one told scribes who had smoked the burning bush as Japanese Vealers remembered Hiroshima.

The two camps, Good and Evil, are, for the first time, to go head to horny head in a vote that will at last bring Armageddon.

"We can't wait," a cured foetus told the pus-driveller on the way to school.

God, tired, is on the record as vowing to send his son, conceived through unconsentual sex and out of wedlock to another man's wiff, to sort out the white from the wrong.

"Jesus, that's me!" he said, wanking up late one day.

We're all adults here.


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The King has gone underground

The 'funny-man', caked in around about three feet of make-up, was unable to comment on the affair that had him in a roundabout of stitches.

"It's no laughing matter to be split in two," the slightly paranoid schizophrenic told secret agents disguised as bus-drivers.

The affair has set virtual tongues wanking.

"All I'll say is that when Hollywood writers and Hollywood producers put a make-up on you can see they're prostitutes." wrote one blogger trying to harness their pitiful skills for some nonsense.

The Cosmetics King refused to go on the record, but sources close to him have told us: "He's more of a Queen."

Watch this space.

































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