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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

The USA, perhaps the greatest country in the world, probably the greatest country on earth, easily the greatest country in history, internet provider, cradler of civilization, and timeless monolith, is the greatest place I've ever read about.

It has rolling hills, not rolling heads, skies of blue, democracy in abundance. In fact the taps run red with the blood of patriots and defenders of freedom who dried tomatoes for the good of everyone else.

The land is the home of educated and it also has immigrants who floundered the land in 1776 when they stumbled out of their boat. By chance, they were English-Spanish. Colon cancer was rife at the time.

The native Indians, eating curry and wearing funny hats, gladly accept the customs of the Mexicans who gladly gave over California in 10 BC. At the time, President Ronald Reagan was still riding his grandmother's hearse.

If you should ever, and you only will if you have a natural resource they covet, cross the US of A be sure to go nicely. They hate to use the big stick but live only for the love of life. You're not yellow, are you?

The USA: Go there, girlfriends! Before it comes to you.
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Tax office pursuing Norm: report

July 3rd 2008 23:41
norm also enjoys a beer
He also enjoys a beer

Norm, the brains behind his doubting eyes, and biro-hater, upskirt photographer, downtop licker, finger sniffer and unsociable pervert, is being chased by the government deportment over undisclosed earings.

"He looks good in a string bikini," twanged Tax officer Benny Hill as he chased Norm, half-knackered, around his desk.

"But those chandelier earings leave nothing to the imagination," Hill said as Norm stuffed a testicle back into his panties.

Norm, who's earings topped himself by jumping for joy, has rejected the inquiries of Hill, who he had earlier described as: "a very considerate lover."

"He gave me a box of chocolate pudding," he bespoke, gingerly evading the clutches of the authorities' inquiring eye teeth.

"I look amazing in a bikini," the half-Brazilian super mogul waxed prosaically, screaming with pain.

"But these earings really set off my knackers," the buxom wrench said, pussing a nut.

Norm's Google accountant, a firmer lover and pencil enthusiast, released a statement on Norm's behalf that read:

My client, Norm, is one of the most highly esteemed mick-rakers we have in my stable. His reputation for accurate reporting extends to well below his genitalia, which is fortunate for he is hung like a hearse. We will be flighting these charges, vicariously. Thank you.

The earings stay.
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Mugabe receives award
God would like to thank Mugabe for this award

Sir Robert Mugabe, rickety-livered black man, well-endowed knight, suit-wearer, Pims sniffer, house-nagger, and world reader responsible for killing people, has welcomed the praise of his people for making them rich.

"I make billions every year," said one very lucky little African handing over her hardly earned as she showered her leader in Poise panty-whiners.

Africa, once an untroubled outpost of our interests but now strife-stricken and in need of a spank on the bottom, has never really recovered from its past mistake of not going willingly.

"At least our Dictators don't hide behind the fallacy of Democracy," said a mouthpiss for Mugabe's best suit as the Queen handed back her golden gifts.

"These are very testing times for our incontinence," said another billioniare Zimbabwean as he wet himself at the prospect of our torturous methods of justice.

Killing is wrong, and I'd go to war to prove it.

Mugabe, a pall-bearer at Sadam Hussein's funeral, delivered a solemn service to the West after the occasion.

Yes, Sir, Master.

Yes, Sir.
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Overwhelmingly, Australian market economists are expecting the Reserve Bank of Australia to wear frilly undies while taking a wooden spoon on the buttocks this week. The impending rate rise is in response to severe tropical weather figures for the fifth quarter. And so, with another interesting rake hike to deal with, here are ten ways you can scrounge up some extra cash each month to meet your mortgage repayments and keep that smiling face on your head you've grown so very accustomed to over the eons:

1. Go troppo in the queue at the supermarket. Analysts believe that psychotic individuals are 5 times more likely to have free meals than ordinary nuerotics


[ Click here to read more ]
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Mills, the Imelda Marcos of marital AIDS, has been hailed by stellar pornographers after stoning her hubbie.

"This wouldn't happen in a Muslim country," said one leading clerk


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Mills(pictured) counts the cost

"I've got a lot of time now," the hopping mad mother told jurists as she whittled her husband's leg into a sharp point.

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Self-imploding film critics have taken aim at anyone able to make money from an industry without making any meaningless contribution.

When a film critic takes aim it is snot without them having their hands on it


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Miami Vice's Carey
Wayne Carey in profile


The screenplay, penned by Hollywood scab David Hicks to the tune of a million beans, is set to gross out a lot of bums on seats


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Midgets Shun Giants

December 27th 2007 02:02
Literary midgets today called for the shortening of pastry in a bid to find spiritual nourishment over the fasting season.

The midgets, many of whom are prone to short and curlies, are believed to be looking for a pot of gold at the end of a flyblown carcass


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A discrimination case being brought against a Sydney bordello by working-girls will hear the grunts and groans of a blokey culture.

Blogs around the world are set to join in the fight against prostitution with leading blogs calling for writing about particular topics in order to satisfy the demands of search engines, increase traffic and increase revenue


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UK's richest 'has' the biggest booty

October 27th 2007 00:00
bigbooty
The Williams sisters play without rackets at Wimbledon

The Duke of Westminster remains the wealthiest used carpet salesman in Britain, despite the rise of souffles


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Man critical after city shooting

October 14th 2007 01:39
A man shot by photographers in the city has become critical of the internet after it was revealed that popularity is not synonymous with quality.

"All my life I've thought that the things people bought had value. Now I know that it's the things people don't want that are rare. People want everything. It's what they don't want that is rare. What is rare is what becomes valuable. I can't work it out


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