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Consumption Malfunction - On the face of it...

NORM: OBSESSED BY HIS OWN SELF-IMAGE

November 12th 2012 01:33
Mild-mannered megalomaniac and outlandish old no-hoper Norm has everything in readiness for celebrations to mark his sixth time around the sun in as many years.

"Waking up at the start of the end of the world," general rock 'n' roller Rob Thomas said with his pants around his ankle and his hand on it, "but it's feeling like every other morning before."

He was lauded as the greatest soldier-scholar of his generation, a highly decorated general who was as at home negotiating the intrigues of Washington as the trenches of Iraq and Afghanistan.

"Now I wonder what my life is going to mean if it's gone," he said, thumbing through a magazine for a better picture, "but that is why I wanted to be a general in the first place."

Norm, responding to repeated requests to "see how far we've come", measured the distance he has come in a six year period to be equal to having gone nowhere at all.



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