Norm Rejects Praise in Favour of Kraft Mayonnaise
October 29th 2008 23:27
Norm, the hot little sex-machine-operator behind so many sandwiches, has put his weight behind Kraft Mayonnaise and, at the same time, in a delicious piece of ironical simultaneity, slammed Praise.
"I often find myself saying one thing and doing another," he said, as he pictured doing another, a blunt spreader, who was busying herself spreading something shocking on a bed of something, shocking.
"Praise is just one thing that I see get spread around too often," Norm, his hand on a second-hand book, told his blissfully unaware spreader, and read the reviews on the disposal piece of literature.
"Kraft is always getting better. It just is!" Norm, shouting at the top of his voice, ever so slightly taken by the rave reviews, went to the counter and asked: "the things worth Praise are shit, yes?"
"Do you want Praise?" the disposable literature seller asked Norm, beside himself with his latest purchase. "Give me Kraft or give me nothing," he mumbled as he walked and talked out the door.
Norm, a self-satisfied sandwich eater and lover of fine spreads everywhere and man of lettuce, tripped on the step, fell face-first into his book and the egg-based spread, praiseworthy, went all over his mouth.
"I often find myself saying one thing and doing another," he said, as he pictured doing another, a blunt spreader, who was busying herself spreading something shocking on a bed of something, shocking.
"Praise is just one thing that I see get spread around too often," Norm, his hand on a second-hand book, told his blissfully unaware spreader, and read the reviews on the disposal piece of literature.
"I couldn't put it down. I think the printers put too much glue in the binding."
"It's quite simply the greatest thing that has ever been made out of arranging characters in a certain order to make words that are arranged in a certain order that, it has been arranged, has been duplicated, numerous times, on someone's orders. "
Bryce Courtenay
"It's quite simply the greatest thing that has ever been made out of arranging characters in a certain order to make words that are arranged in a certain order that, it has been arranged, has been duplicated, numerous times, on someone's orders. "
Tim Winton
"Kraft is always getting better. It just is!" Norm, shouting at the top of his voice, ever so slightly taken by the rave reviews, went to the counter and asked: "the things worth Praise are shit, yes?"
"Do you want Praise?" the disposable literature seller asked Norm, beside himself with his latest purchase. "Give me Kraft or give me nothing," he mumbled as he walked and talked out the door.
Norm, a self-satisfied sandwich eater and lover of fine spreads everywhere and man of lettuce, tripped on the step, fell face-first into his book and the egg-based spread, praiseworthy, went all over his mouth.
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Comment by Lady Henrietta Muddling
Potter in a Harry
Be back when I've read the post.
Comment by Lady Henrietta Muddling
Potter in a Harry
Bryce Courtney
Save that one for your first novel. That's priceless.
Comment by Norm
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Here's what the Age said about it:
Comment by Norm
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Comment by Lady Henrietta Muddling
Potter in a Harry
Comment by Chris Champion
Vyoos
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Characters (no spaces): 625
Characters (with spaces): 760
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Consumption Malfunction
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Comment by Chris Champion
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Zoomies
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Cherry Ripes: 0
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Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
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Movie Train
rubber suit?
now hang on a darn second, i was of the impression that you were some kind of eunuch!
or was that a unicorn?
either way im not impressed . . . well maybe slightly impressed, but only enough to make that impression
i think unicorns have one too many corns, to be cornless would be something deserving of praise . . . an acorn perhaps?
Comment by D. Armenta
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Comment by Norm
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D, you can't beat mayonnaise. You could. But that would just be silly.
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
L.A.M.P.
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by D. Armenta
The Florida Keys and Everglades
The Black Sheep Chronicles
What constitutes bad manners?
The male mystique
Debate Fan
L.A.M.P.
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power