Norm's Birthday Celebrations Just Days Away as Jon Tells of Teething Problems
November 9th 2008 22:34
Not yet a terrible two year-old, but only days off turning two years-old, Norm has told his ever watchful father Jon that he does indeed need to change after having yet another accident.
"I'm always crying, yes, it's true. It's only because I always feel like I need to change," the toothless idiot told his well-educated, handsome, delightfully witty, and erudite and intelligent father, Dr. Jon.
"I think I may have done something that I wish I hadn't all the time," the crawling infantile said as he rattled around in his cage, where he is being housed while Jon works out what to do with his accidents.
"I just can't seem to sit still. I think I may have ants in my pants," Norm, squirming around and sucking on a thumbtack, told Jon, the provider for many and adult capable of dangling a carrot, who just couldn't bear to watch.
"Hang on a sec. I think it must be worms. I am getting thinner by the day," Norm, unable to speak in any meaningful way, communicated not in so many words to the giver of virtual life to so many.
"No wait. I know what it is! I think I may need a change, again," Norm, brawling his eyes out and emitting an unrelenting ardour, told Jon, his eyes beginning to roll around the room, as they counted the cost of non-non-creative writing.
"It costs me shit-loads!" Dr. Jon, unusually Frankenstein, said. "Why can't you just place products in your shit?" he continued. "I'm the one who has to clean up the mess. Get your shit together," the apparent scatologist demanded.
Norm, unwilling to change, yet in constant need of change, has, according to Dr. Jon's professional opinion, crapped on long enough about nothing in particular for at least his whole life.
"I'm always crying, yes, it's true. It's only because I always feel like I need to change," the toothless idiot told his well-educated, handsome, delightfully witty, and erudite and intelligent father, Dr. Jon.
"I think I may have done something that I wish I hadn't all the time," the crawling infantile said as he rattled around in his cage, where he is being housed while Jon works out what to do with his accidents.
"I just can't seem to sit still. I think I may have ants in my pants," Norm, squirming around and sucking on a thumbtack, told Jon, the provider for many and adult capable of dangling a carrot, who just couldn't bear to watch.
"Hang on a sec. I think it must be worms. I am getting thinner by the day," Norm, unable to speak in any meaningful way, communicated not in so many words to the giver of virtual life to so many.
"No wait. I know what it is! I think I may need a change, again," Norm, brawling his eyes out and emitting an unrelenting ardour, told Jon, his eyes beginning to roll around the room, as they counted the cost of non-non-creative writing.
"It costs me shit-loads!" Dr. Jon, unusually Frankenstein, said. "Why can't you just place products in your shit?" he continued. "I'm the one who has to clean up the mess. Get your shit together," the apparent scatologist demanded.
Norm, unwilling to change, yet in constant need of change, has, according to Dr. Jon's professional opinion, crapped on long enough about nothing in particular for at least his whole life.
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Comment by Chris Champion
Vyoos
Zoomies
Bloggercises
The Blog of Lists
Newly Old
Money Whither
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by Chris Champion
Vyoos
Zoomies
Bloggercises
The Blog of Lists
Newly Old
Money Whither
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by David Edwards
So, what are you going to do with your shit now? I personally am finding that products are popping up in my shit every second day, much to my lack of acquiescence.
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
As for our collective and united father, he has that distant and unapproachable air that marks all the fathers in my life. Did I say air, I meant heir. No offence, dads. I'm grateful that you gave me someone to kill so I can sleep with mumsy. "Remember me?" I'll never forget you. Fatherhood is so unenviable. Ungrateful little so and sos. Patricidal little bastards.
The funny thing about things popping up is that once they do they can be hard to keep down. The next turn you might see is one for the worse
The idea of writing unofficial autobiographies has me looking ahead, though. I'll be following whatever plants in my mind. Something big is just around the bend
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
Comment by David Edwards
You are not just placing products in your shit, but shit products too.
Comment by Lilla
From The Home Front
Enviro Warrior
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
I have no idea what this post is about, but Happy Birthday, it takes a fair bit of *grit* to remain on roble for two years!
Here I got these for you.
Fleecy lined for those cold winds.
Cheers.
Lilla ...
Comment by Lady Henrietta Muddling
Potter in a Harry
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Sport, I remember the last time they found a volvo in my nappy. It's my long-term memory that is a worry.
Lill, I have to confess that I am run by a major pharmaceutical company. I can't say which one. We can rule out Pfizer because they're a name you can trust. Pfizer.
Dave, it's pretty obvious to me. It was the moment the carrot was dangled
Cheers
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Happy Birthday.
Mich
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power