Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

People Poached - Consumption Malfunction

Madame Tussaud does Kevin Rudd

April 11th 2008 23:43

Rudd looks shorter in the flesh

The famous waxmadame has unwrapped her latest wax-sculpture to enthralled young people who were attending a function as part of Rudd's 20/20 extravaganza.

"Young people have a lot of unbelievable ideas," a spokesperson said as she rode her wind-powered bicycle round and round in circus.

The sculpture, even waxier than the real thing and larger than life, will be used as a coat rack by patrons of the establishment run by the madame.

Kevin Rudd, more than one-quarter Chinese, told the madame: "I am very grateful at this time to have such a honour. I have an erection coming up very soon."

The sculpture will be the centrepiece at the 20/20 summit to be hoisted by disgraced primate Andy Symonds.

Roy has been having it off with Angela's bishop for some time.

"Mate, I'm the farce among equals," he told his fashion rod.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: People, Poached, Spicy, Corny

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Nice one, Norm

April 3rd 2008 23:54

Celebrity reporter, ad authority, and peas advocado, Norm has jumped on a pair of man-eating crocodile skin loafers that threatened to belong to his girlfriend.

"I saw them first," the man's man told the store manager as his better-half broke in two.

"I just had to have them," the impoversihed clogger said to his devastated curlfriend.

It is believed that Norm has the snatching handbag and just needed the shoes to go with his outfit.

"Now all I need is the pants," he said as he floated off down the river.

When asked where he'd wear such fabulous attire, the retiring bogger told us: "Out shopping."

Nothing can stop the shopaholic's rampage as croc's across the river hang on to their hats.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: People, Poached, Sweet, Nutty

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Ray Martin to host World Youth Day

March 29th 2008 00:35

The devils wank among us

Archbishop Pell has hired Ray Martin to host World Youth Day that will culminate in the Pope's mass at Randwick racecourse.

"He's covered many diverse and wonderful occasions such as those evil Paxtons who never attended Church," a delighted Pell told Today Tonight.

Martin will come out of the retirement closet, dust off his hairpiece and fill his deep throat with the minced suasages of the rich and corrupt, for a nice change.

"It's a great event that will shower Australia's face to the world," the gutteral journalist told the angels, "And they pay cash, so I don't get taxed at all, which is great," the amphetamine addict told elephant-riders of Sri Lanka.

Pell, the face of the church in this cuntry, will juggle the Pope's balls to kick off the celebration of youth and vitality to be hosted by old farts.

"It's going to be a gas," holocaust survivors who were ignored by the church told cameras.

The event will show Australia's farce to the world.