Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

People Sweet - Consumption Malfunction

My Apologies For This Break In Regular Programming, Or How To Be Funny Without Trying

January 19th 2010 23:50

A teenage mother has received a visit from the police in a perverse sort of way. Just like Hitler and Stalin failed to realise how offensive they were, a schizophrenic tried to kill his mother over Moral anarchism or Moral nihilism.

Yet you will have to forgive me if they are not boob experts, and neither are they watching a horror movie where you know that is funny but I would not degrade myself by urinating on the memories of good people like Hitler and Stalin.

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Of course we should remember that good people like Hitler and Stalin degenerated into an aimless existence characterised by alcoholism, random meaningless jibes, and Catholicism.

Just like Hitler and Stalin are loved by millions of sweet-toothed customers worldwide, their disgusting behaviour gave “the whole community a bad name” and will never be worthy as we are , always on anti-depressants such as Dairy Milk chocolate bars.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: People, Entertainment, Sweet

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He's not the messiah, he's a heavenly body

July 24th 2008 05:28

Religion is the personification of Nature, believe leading trippers.

"The Sun, that great child of the sky, is none other than the Son of God," claims one, high on the acuity of his vision.

The Twelve Disciples, none other than the twelve moons that go around a year, have refused to be drawn on the claims.

No body can hold a torch to the moons, except the blazing star of our belief system.

The twelve months without the Sun would be in rather desparate need of saving, that's for sure.

"We wouldn't piss on Jesus if he was on fire," said Judas, possibly referring to an eclipse.

That would be sacrilege.

He's already on fire.

The heavens' brightest star, from where we are.

It's human nature to personalise that which isn't in affront to understanding.

Particularly that which is so essential to our daily lives.

And nothing is more daily than the fiery baptist above our heads.

We are what we are but how we are who we are remains in the shade, I said basking in the warmth of the winterless Sun.

The untilled Earth, a veritable Virgin, delivered one day, not unlike today, the energetic child.

What with the thunderbolts and the clouds and the heavens, the Sky is God and the rest is salience.

We can only hope to end up a twinkle in the heavens, I said tinkling the ovaries.

The Sky sent the Sun so that we could live; we should be thankful.

God, Foxy Loxy, is falling, say trippers on their own feats.

It's getting hot in here, so take off all your loathes.

When the Sun does return to us we will all be in hell.

It won't be the end of the world.

It's only a revelation.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: People, Grilled, Sweet, Corny

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Norm hits back at critics

April 8th 2008 04:04

Embattled boogler Norm has slammed his critics for calling him a lazy parasite after he couldn't be bothered finishing

"I always finish my sentences," the errant spiller told his pet pug.

It's a climb that is strongly refuted by irrefutable accidence brought forward by his enemies.

"We know how to organise information into legible sentences," the sensible citizens in an insensible world told authorities.

It is understood that sensible sentences are in accord with a world perceived through reliable senses.

"Sentences should reflect the secure handle we have on things," the rabidly slipping information-gatherings told sadvertisers.

The sentence is due to be handled down tomorrow.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: People, Grilled, Sweet, Nutty

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Nice one, Norm

April 3rd 2008 23:54

Celebrity reporter, ad authority, and peas advocado, Norm has jumped on a pair of man-eating crocodile skin loafers that threatened to belong to his girlfriend.

"I saw them first," the man's man told the store manager as his better-half broke in two.

"I just had to have them," the impoversihed clogger said to his devastated curlfriend.

It is believed that Norm has the snatching handbag and just needed the shoes to go with his outfit.

"Now all I need is the pants," he said as he floated off down the river.

When asked where he'd wear such fabulous attire, the retiring bogger told us: "Out shopping."

Nothing can stop the shopaholic's rampage as croc's across the river hang on to their hats.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: People, Poached, Sweet, Nutty

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