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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Perez Hilton: I Am The One And Only Norm

June 30th 2009 01:59
Perez Hilton has shocked middle-aged, middle-managers and crack-licking, double-dealing dopes with the shocking news that he is a finger-licking arsehole and closet-opener.

"It was me all along," he said, sniffing a pinky. "I just have one question for you," he told a chick with a mouth like you wouldn't believe. "How do you feel about holes in the head?"

The chick in question, so full of herself she's overflowing, seemed at a loss to answer what she called "the poofter's poser", but did promise not to shoot off her big mouth again.

"I have a mouth like you wouldn't believe," she told a disbelieving Hilton. "I just have one question for you," she said, playing with his vibrator. "How do you get this thing to work?"

Hilton, a card-carrying, door-to-door sex-aid salesman, needn't have answered the question for reasons that are obvious to anybody with a knowledge of the business at hand.

"I have to get this thing to work," Hilton said, carrying a case of the things. "If I came to your door," he explained, going around the back, "you'd find me with my hand on the buzzer."

The chick in question, a self-satisfied customer, was nursing a hole for a mouth after she accidentally shot it off, forcing her to open up an account of the accident with her lawyer.

"My client is innocent," the chick's mouthpiece told the judge. "She is a victim of this bloody dildo," he said, wobbling his head in circles. "She shot her mouth off in self-defence."

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3 Comments. [ Add A Comment ]

Comment by Morgan Bell

June 30th 2009 18:40

Comment by Norm

June 30th 2009 22:50

Comment by Morgan Bell

July 1st 2009 14:45
youve gone too far, cause you know it dont matter anyway

you can rely on the old mans money

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