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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Resort manager, and infidel tangent, Castro is a silly old bugger with a dodgy knee-jerk reaction and feathery trigger thinger, according to resort-goers.

"We used to treat Cuba like a holiday spot," said wretched businessmen in a chorus.

"Now they have sovereignty, it's as if they've never even heard of the word Liberty," a disgruntled liberator told fleeting pleasants.

Liberty, the right to impose yourself on others, has never been a stranger danger to the weak and mild.

Gastro, who'll go through you like a knife through batter, never shat himself over all these ears.

"You have to hand it to him," proponents of capitalism told call-girls when the subject of head came up.

The electric chair is a testament to thou shalt not kill.

Old people are resorting to a quicker end though.
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Naked Girl Goes on the Attack

July 7th 2008 23:54
Decent folk round up the naked girl

The naked girl at the centre of a controversial photograph has leapt to the defence of pedophiles everywhere with a stunning attack on key targets.

"How would you like it if I dropped a bomb on your house?" she asked one as she tucked into her aborted foetus.

Rhetorical.

The bombshell, an absolute stunner for her age and for all ages, then dropped the "F" bomb on an infantry of intellectual infants.

"For photography's sake!" she said proudly as she took off her burning kitten while wankers watched on.

And on.

The bomb, from the mouth of this absolute babe, missed its muck.

"We're going to teach her the meaning of the word misguided," a survivor said stroking his missile.

The pedophiles are in hiding.

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Stephen Hawking Walks Again!

July 5th 2008 01:44
Stephen Hawking Walks!
Hawking jumps, piddles. Everything.

Hawking has renewed his vows to his buxom waif and super-mong, Jennifer in a slavish ceremony waited on.

"My bottom gets very itchy at night, Stephen," Hawking moaned as she said, "I do".

It is understood.

Hawking, a veterinarian of the cattlewalk, stood at the top of the aisle in his wheelchair when a sudden realisation adorned on him.

"If time travel is possible, this, the present (the past in the future) would be visited by the future," he moaned, wetting himself as his wife got digital.

"This, the present, is actually the past," the suddenly walking and dancing unit vowed, planting one on his wriggling waif.

"You're a machine!" she cried, strapping herself in for a bit of slip and tackle.

Now and then, we all need help.
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Tax office pursuing Norm: report

July 3rd 2008 23:41
norm also enjoys a beer
He also enjoys a beer

Norm, the brains behind his doubting eyes, and biro-hater, upskirt photographer, downtop licker, finger sniffer and unsociable pervert, is being chased by the government deportment over undisclosed earings.

[ Click here to read more ]
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The Jews are poised to attack sinful city of sunny Sydney as the Pope takes off to launch attacks on World Youth Day.

"These measures are our preferred course of action," said one money-grubber as he awaits a messiah who has already left


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I was Diana's sex toy: Keating

June 15th 2008 23:14
Hated in the UK for his fondlingness of Her Mingesty but loved in Great Britain for his treatment at the hinds of Phil the Greek, former Australian Prime Monster Paul Keating has revealed all to no one.

"Yes, she loved me. Yes, she adored me." the one time lover of Princess Diana told Elton Johnians


[ Click here to read more ]
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Depardieu plays on the NSW right

Gay icon, patroniser of the arts, movie mongoose and hairdressing vigilante Kevin Rudd has ordered back-puncher Depardieu into the sequel of the smash hit after seeing her "sink the boots in."

[ Click here to read more ]
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Gone with the Marathon Man

June 1st 2008 01:18
“Is it safe?”
“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn!”
“Is it safe?”

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Bush Texas Wedding Spectacular

May 12th 2008 00:08
Held in the labyrinthial dungeons of the Whitehouse, US Presidenture George W. Bush married his daughter of twenty or so ears in a lavish musical conducted by the reanimated corpse of Nazi synthesizer Herbert Von Karajan.

"I was very happy to give away my daughter," Bush said under his breathmint


[ Click here to read more ]
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Talk about Apartheid bash

May 10th 2008 00:41
For he's a golly good fellow

One time terrorist and hero of the West, Nelson Mandela has revealed the guest list of his bathday bash exclusively to CM as part of his community service.

[ Click here to read more ]
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Overwhelmingly, Australian market economists are expecting the Reserve Bank of Australia to wear frilly undies while taking a wooden spoon on the buttocks this week. The impending rate rise is in response to severe tropical weather figures for the fifth quarter. And so, with another interesting rake hike to deal with, here are ten ways you can scrounge up some extra cash each month to meet your mortgage repayments and keep that smiling face on your head you've grown so very accustomed to over the eons:

1. Go troppo in the queue at the supermarket. Analysts believe that psychotic individuals are 5 times more likely to have free meals than ordinary nuerotics


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In a shock to many floorgrowers of computer keyboards, top expats have discovered that we'd be safer if we ate dinner in the dunny and wrote and read wiping up afterwords.

"This is a slap in the face to the computer literati," said one well-gnome internet ulcer as he took to his missus with a rolling pin


[ Click here to read more ]
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An angry mop, high on the intoxicating velour of war, has hurled rocks at sheep who thought that fighting for God and Country really meant that.

War, believed by many to be fertile, has to be seen to be bereaved


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Madame Tussaud does Kevin Rudd

April 11th 2008 23:43
Rudd looks shorter in the flesh

The famous waxmadame has unwrapped her latest wax-sculpture to enthralled young people who were attending a function as part of Rudd's 20/20 extravaganza.

[ Click here to read more ]
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