Read + Write + Report
Home | Start a blog | About Orble | FAQ | Sites | Writers | Advertise | My Orble | Login

Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Resort manager, and infidel tangent, Castro is a silly old bugger with a dodgy knee-jerk reaction and feathery trigger thinger, according to resort-goers.

"We used to treat Cuba like a holiday spot," said wretched businessmen in a chorus.

"Now they have sovereignty, it's as if they've never even heard of the word Liberty," a disgruntled liberator told fleeting pleasants.

Liberty, the right to impose yourself on others, has never been a stranger danger to the weak and mild.

Gastro, who'll go through you like a knife through batter, never shat himself over all these ears.

"You have to hand it to him," proponents of capitalism told call-girls when the subject of head came up.

The electric chair is a testament to thou shalt not kill.

Old people are resorting to a quicker end though.
48
Vote
Shared on
   


Tax office pursuing Norm: report

July 3rd 2008 23:41
norm also enjoys a beer
He also enjoys a beer

Norm, the brains behind his doubting eyes, and biro-hater, upskirt photographer, downtop licker, finger sniffer and unsociable pervert, is being chased by the government deportment over undisclosed earings.

"He looks good in a string bikini," twanged Tax officer Benny Hill as he chased Norm, half-knackered, around his desk.

"But those chandelier earings leave nothing to the imagination," Hill said as Norm stuffed a testicle back into his panties.

Norm, who's earings topped himself by jumping for joy, has rejected the inquiries of Hill, who he had earlier described as: "a very considerate lover."

"He gave me a box of chocolate pudding," he bespoke, gingerly evading the clutches of the authorities' inquiring eye teeth.

"I look amazing in a bikini," the half-Brazilian super mogul waxed prosaically, screaming with pain.

"But these earings really set off my knackers," the buxom wrench said, pussing a nut.

Norm's Google accountant, a firmer lover and pencil enthusiast, released a statement on Norm's behalf that read:

My client, Norm, is one of the most highly esteemed mick-rakers we have in my stable. His reputation for accurate reporting extends to well below his genitalia, which is fortunate for he is hung like a hearse. We will be flighting these charges, vicariously. Thank you.

The earings stay.
63
Vote
Shared on
   


Gone with the Marathon Man

June 1st 2008 01:18
“Is it safe?”
“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn!”
“Is it safe?”
“Is it safe?”
“Is it safe?”
“Is what safe?”
“Is it safe?”
“What?”
“Is it safe?”
“Like a house.”
“So it is safe then, that’s a relief. I was very worried there for a moment.”
“Me too, but now I know it’s safe, I can relax.”
“Frankly, is it safe?”
“I don’t give a damn!”
“Is it safe?”
“Exceedingly!”
“Very well.”
“Very!”
“Well, I don’t even know any more.”
“It is safe.”
“Is it?”
“Yes, yes. Very safe. Very, very safe.”
“I’m not so sure.”
“If it wasn’t, would I say it was?”
“I don’t know you that well.”
“Well, I do.”
“Knowing you, I’d say not.”
“Yes, but you don’t.”
“All I want to know is if it’s safe.”
“I keep telling you that it is.”
“What?”
“It!”
“It’s safe to say it’s not safe then.”
“It is safe.”
“Is it safe, is it? Is it really?”
“Really, really safe!”
41
Vote
   


Overwhelmingly, Australian market economists are expecting the Reserve Bank of Australia to wear frilly undies while taking a wooden spoon on the buttocks this week. The impending rate rise is in response to severe tropical weather figures for the fifth quarter. And so, with another interesting rake hike to deal with, here are ten ways you can scrounge up some extra cash each month to meet your mortgage repayments and keep that smiling face on your head you've grown so very accustomed to over the eons:

1. Go troppo in the queue at the supermarket. Analysts believe that psychotic individuals are 5 times more likely to have free meals than ordinary nuerotics


[ Click here to read more ]
34
Vote
   


Madame Tussaud does Kevin Rudd

April 11th 2008 23:43
Rudd looks shorter in the flesh

The famous waxmadame has unwrapped her latest wax-sculpture to enthralled young people who were attending a function as part of Rudd's 20/20 extravaganza.

[ Click here to read more ]
47
Vote
   


Ahmed(left) at an award ceremony held by Brenton(right)

Bogger to the stares and all-around could guy, Norm is reportedly devastated that his chums have talked to the Medea.

[ Click here to read more ]
55
Vote
   


Norman Bates Holds Slide Night

March 13th 2008 02:44
Mum's the word

The convicted felon took bored guests through photographs of his travails throughout poor countries in an evening of showering and sandwiches.

[ Click here to read more ]
67
Vote
   


Sting ends chase for Pumpkin's dad

March 1st 2008 00:57
The Chinese Police is torture to dissidents

The former Police chief, Sting, has told told a Pumpkin's dad that he's never been so in love with someone who wasn't himself, after the vegetable's father vowed to weld him.

[ Click here to read more ]
39
Vote
   


delicious spread made from lard-arse
I can't believe it's not a butterball

The "fat sucker", as she's known on the streets, claims she's made herself the toast(spread) of the town by losing all her pounds on the track.

[ Click here to read more ]
59
Vote
   


Moderated by Norm
Copyright © 2006 2007 2008 On Topic Media PTY LTD. All Rights Reserved. Design by Vimu.com.
On Topic Media ZPages: Sydney |  Melbourne |  Brisbane |  London |  Birmingham |  Leeds     [ Advertise ] [ Contact Us ] [ Privacy Policy ]