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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Poached Nutty - Consumption Malfunction

Threat of air strikes during Pope visit

June 22nd 2008 02:24
The Jews are poised to attack sinful city of sunny Sydney as the Pope takes off to launch attacks on World Youth Day.

"These measures are our preferred course of action," said one money-grubber as he awaits a messiah who has already left.

The train doesn't carry anyone, unhardly.

The Pope, chosen by God to represent his interests - financial and strategic - here on Earth, has asked God forgiveness for "not whipping them out when I had the chance."

We underpantstand he was stalking about a very naughty boy.

Sydney, a citadel on the rocks, is hoisting the unction - World Youth Day, to spread the weird.

The massage is the medium.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Games, Poached, Sour, Nutty
   


I was Diana's sex toy: Keating

June 15th 2008 23:14
Hated in the UK for his fondlingness of Her Mingesty but loved in Great Britain for his treatment at the hinds of Phil the Greek, former Australian Prime Monster Paul Keating has revealed all to no one.

"Yes, she loved me. Yes, she adored me." the one time lover of Princess Diana told Elton Johnians.

The revelations come as no surprise to the maniac himself as he, Elton himself, told hairdressers: "There's going to be hell's toupee!" as he watched Keating's hairline.

The Greek Phil, former fish and chopperer to the stars, has told Keating to keep his grubby hands of my wife.

I'm not even married.

"Only I can be her tampon," Phil told Keating in a heated car driven through Dianas's tunnel by the one-time buttlover.

Keating is staying in a cell as the whole thong combs over.

"This isn't quite what we meant by padded," Phil told consumers of his fish sticks.

Watch this spice.
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Posted By: Norm - Category: Love, Poached, Spicy, Nutty
   


Bush Texas Wedding Spectacular

May 12th 2008 00:08
Held in the labyrinthial dungeons of the Whitehouse, US Presidenture George W. Bush married his daughter of twenty or so ears in a lavish musical conducted by the reanimated corpse of Nazi synthesizer Herbert Von Karajan.

"I was very happy to give away my daughter," Bush said under his breathmint.

"She's no oil painting. I couldn't give her away," he revealed, giving himself away.

His other daughter, no less of a thing unlike an oil painting than the other who's not one either, is up for auction on Ebay.

"The highest bid so far is $2.78, but I'm not going to give her away," Bush told bargain haunters.

Condoleeza Rice, clearly inflatulated with Georgey, heartbroken at losing the olive of her martini is still holding out hopelessly for another shot at the title.

"I'm not going to throw myself at him," Rice said as she threw herself over the hippy couple.

Marriage is a holy unction between a man and woe.
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Posted By: Norm - Category: Family, Poached, Sour, Nutty
   


Talk about Apartheid bash

May 10th 2008 00:41
For he's a golly good fellow

One time terrorist and hero of the West, Nelson Mandela has revealed the guest list of his bathday bash exclusively to CM as part of his community service.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Games, Poached, Sour, Nutty
   


Computer keyboards 'filthier than toilet seats'

May 2nd 2008 00:43
In a shock to many floorgrowers of computer keyboards, top expats have discovered that we'd be safer if we ate dinner in the dunny and wrote and read wiping up afterwords.

"This is a slap in the face to the computer literati," said one well-gnome internet ulcer as he took to his missus with a rolling pin


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Posted By: Norm - Category: Health, Poached, Sour, Nutty
   


Nice one, Norm

April 3rd 2008 23:54
Celebrity reporter, ad authority, and peas advocado, Norm has jumped on a pair of man-eating crocodile skin loafers that threatened to belong to his girlfriend.

"I saw them first," the man's man told the store manager as his better-half broke in two


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Posted By: Norm - Category: People, Poached, Sweet, Nutty
   


Kidman Bodyguard Smacks Her Snapper

March 16th 2008 23:43
Nicole's bodyguard isn't kidding about the redness or rawness

Nicole Kidman's bodyguard, a man with a razor-whip and keen eyesores, has hit the headlines after allegedly, supposedly, possibly, whacking Kidman's snapper.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Love, Poached, Spicy, Nutty
   




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