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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Poached Rocky - Consumption Malfunction

Naked Girl Goes on the Attack

July 7th 2008 23:54

Decent folk round up the naked girl

The naked girl at the centre of a controversial photograph has leapt to the defence of pedophiles everywhere with a stunning attack on key targets.

"How would you like it if I dropped a bomb on your house?" she asked one as she tucked into her aborted foetus.

Rhetorical.

The bombshell, an absolute stunner for her age and for all ages, then dropped the "F" bomb on an infantry of intellectual infants.

"For photography's sake!" she said proudly as she took off her burning kitten while wankers watched on.

And on.

The bomb, from the mouth of this absolute babe, missed its muck.

"We're going to teach her the meaning of the word misguided," a survivor said stroking his missile.

The pedophiles are in hiding.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Health, Poached, Bitter, Rocky

   

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Stephen Hawking Walks Again!

July 5th 2008 01:44

Hawking jumps, piddles. Everything.

Hawking has renewed his vows to his buxom waif and super-mong, Jennifer in a slavish ceremony waited on.

"My bottom gets very itchy at night, Stephen," Hawking moaned as she said, "I do".

It is understood.

Hawking, a veterinarian of the cattlewalk, stood at the top of the aisle in his wheelchair when a sudden realisation adorned on him.

"If time travel is possible, this, the present (the past in the future) would be visited by the future," he moaned, wetting himself as his wife got digital.

"This, the present, is actually the past," the suddenly walking and dancing unit vowed, planting one on his wriggling waif.

"You're a machine!" she cried, strapping herself in for a bit of slip and tackle.

Now and then, we all need help.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Health, Poached, Spicy, Rocky

   

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Kevin Rudd orders Gerard Depardieu into Anger Management 2

June 12th 2008 00:47

Depardieu plays on the NSW right

Gay icon, patroniser of the arts, movie mongoose and hairdressing vigilante Kevin Rudd has ordered back-puncher Depardieu into the sequel of the smash hit after seeing her "sink the boots in."

"I always thought the French were a bunch of pedophiles," the smartly hair-cutted renaissance-man told his twelve-year old assistant.

"But when I saw Gerard playing soccer I thought to myself," the heavy thinking tee-totaller told best friend Mr. Baldy.

Mr. Baldy, AKA Johnny Howard, was in hiding today as the public toilets were set to be re-opened.

"I often find myself hiding behind a bush or two," the bald tenor told delegates.

Depardieu, fluent in the internationl language of soccer, also speaks fluent hooliganism.

"These boots were made for talking and one of these days..." she said before reporters sufferred mild percussion.

Instruments.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: True Stories, Poached, Sour, Rocky

   

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Thousands hail diggers in dawn services

April 25th 2008 00:15

An angry mop, high on the intoxicating velour of war, has hurled rocks at sheep who thought that fighting for God and Country really meant that.

War, believed by many to be fertile, has to be seen to be bereaved.

"Cerebrating war does my head in," terminal head-case Norm said while getting stoned.

"We abhor those who sacrifice their lives," except when they're one of us.

There is a fundamentalist difference between sacrificing your life and the antics of a suicide bumbler.

The stoned diggers, we're sour well-meaning and good-fearing, are in no way advocates of peas.

Not the ones you get in a can, anyway.

"We don't advocate the blank-armband view of history," former kettle-prodders told the abhorred.

Except on this verily specious occasion.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Games, Poached, Sour, Rocky

   

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Ray Martin to host World Youth Day

March 29th 2008 00:35

The devils wank among us

Archbishop Pell has hired Ray Martin to host World Youth Day that will culminate in the Pope's mass at Randwick racecourse.

"He's covered many diverse and wonderful occasions such as those evil Paxtons who never attended Church," a delighted Pell told Today Tonight.

Martin will come out of the retirement closet, dust off his hairpiece and fill his deep throat with the minced suasages of the rich and corrupt, for a nice change.

"It's a great event that will shower Australia's face to the world," the gutteral journalist told the angels, "And they pay cash, so I don't get taxed at all, which is great," the amphetamine addict told elephant-riders of Sri Lanka.

Pell, the face of the church in this cuntry, will juggle the Pope's balls to kick off the celebration of youth and vitality to be hosted by old farts.

"It's going to be a gas," holocaust survivors who were ignored by the church told cameras.

The event will show Australia's farce to the world.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: People, Poached, Sour, Rocky

   

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Court orders teen who kicked goth to death to meet with Brian McFadden

March 27th 2008 23:47

The Goodrems witness a goth getting squashed

The soon to be Mr. Goodrem said that he is shocked and alarmed that a judge has made a ruling that will see him kicked to death by a music critic.

The ruling was handed down in the light of the slivery moon where McFadden looks ever so inviting to steel-caps.

"I have a personality where I jump at things," McFadden told the court when he saw a mouse scurry across the floor.

It was in part due to this and his duet with the soon to be Mrs. Goodrem that the judge handed out such a lenient penalty for manipulating money away from the vacuously clean.

The judge told McFadden that he had systematically massaged his image with a vaseline-camera "and for that we will all pay a heavy price."

McFadden is due to meet his massacre in the coming whacks.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Entertainment, Poached, Bitter, Rocky

   

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