Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Poached Sour Rocky - Consumption Malfunction

Kevin Rudd orders Gerard Depardieu into Anger Management 2

June 12th 2008 00:47

Depardieu plays on the NSW right

Gay icon, patroniser of the arts, movie mongoose and hairdressing vigilante Kevin Rudd has ordered back-puncher Depardieu into the sequel of the smash hit after seeing her "sink the boots in."

"I always thought the French were a bunch of pedophiles," the smartly hair-cutted renaissance-man told his twelve-year old assistant.

"But when I saw Gerard playing soccer I thought to myself," the heavy thinking tee-totaller told best friend Mr. Baldy.

Mr. Baldy, AKA Johnny Howard, was in hiding today as the public toilets were set to be re-opened.

"I often find myself hiding behind a bush or two," the bald tenor told delegates.

Depardieu, fluent in the internationl language of soccer, also speaks fluent hooliganism.

"These boots were made for talking and one of these days..." she said before reporters sufferred mild percussion.

Instruments.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: True Stories, Poached, Sour, Rocky

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Thousands hail diggers in dawn services

April 25th 2008 00:15

An angry mop, high on the intoxicating velour of war, has hurled rocks at sheep who thought that fighting for God and Country really meant that.

War, believed by many to be fertile, has to be seen to be bereaved.

"Cerebrating war does my head in," terminal head-case Norm said while getting stoned.

"We abhor those who sacrifice their lives," except when they're one of us.

There is a fundamentalist difference between sacrificing your life and the antics of a suicide bumbler.

The stoned diggers, we're sour well-meaning and good-fearing, are in no way advocates of peas.

Not the ones you get in a can, anyway.

"We don't advocate the blank-armband view of history," former kettle-prodders told the abhorred.

Except on this verily specious occasion.

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Posted By: Norm - Category: Games, Poached, Sour, Rocky

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Ray Martin to host World Youth Day

March 29th 2008 00:35

The devils wank among us

Archbishop Pell has hired Ray Martin to host World Youth Day that will culminate in the Pope's mass at Randwick racecourse.

"He's covered many diverse and wonderful occasions such as those evil Paxtons who never attended Church," a delighted Pell told Today Tonight.

Martin will come out of the retirement closet, dust off his hairpiece and fill his deep throat with the minced suasages of the rich and corrupt, for a nice change.

"It's a great event that will shower Australia's face to the world," the gutteral journalist told the angels, "And they pay cash, so I don't get taxed at all, which is great," the amphetamine addict told elephant-riders of Sri Lanka.

Pell, the face of the church in this cuntry, will juggle the Pope's balls to kick off the celebration of youth and vitality to be hosted by old farts.

"It's going to be a gas," holocaust survivors who were ignored by the church told cameras.

The event will show Australia's farce to the world.