Receive an e-mail notification of new posts on this site:

Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Poached Spicy - Consumption Malfunction

Stephen Hawking Walks Again!

July 5th 2008 01:44

Hawking jumps, piddles. Everything.

Hawking has renewed his vows to his buxom waif and super-mong, Jennifer in a slavish ceremony waited on.

"My bottom gets very itchy at night, Stephen," Hawking moaned as she said, "I do".

It is understood.

Hawking, a veterinarian of the cattlewalk, stood at the top of the aisle in his wheelchair when a sudden realisation adorned on him.

"If time travel is possible, this, the present (the past in the future) would be visited by the future," he moaned, wetting himself as his wife got digital.

"This, the present, is actually the past," the suddenly walking and dancing unit vowed, planting one on his wriggling waif.

"You're a machine!" she cried, strapping herself in for a bit of slip and tackle.

Now and then, we all need help.

68

Vote

Comments (6) Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Norm - Category: Health, Poached, Spicy, Rocky

   

Email this Post to a Friend 

Tax office pursuing Norm: report

July 3rd 2008 23:41

He also enjoys a beer

Norm, the brains behind his doubting eyes, and biro-hater, upskirt photographer, downtop licker, finger sniffer and unsociable pervert, is being chased by the government deportment over undisclosed earings.

"He looks good in a string bikini," twanged Tax officer Benny Hill as he chased Norm, half-knackered, around his desk.

"But those chandelier earings leave nothing to the imagination," Hill said as Norm stuffed a testicle back into his panties.

Norm, who's earings topped himself by jumping for joy, has rejected the inquiries of Hill, who he had earlier described as: "a very considerate lover."

"He gave me a box of chocolate pudding," he bespoke, gingerly evading the clutches of the authorities' inquiring eye teeth.

"I look amazing in a bikini," the half-Brazilian super mogul waxed prosaically, screaming with pain.

"But these earings really set off my knackers," the buxom wrench said, pussing a nut.

Norm's Google accountant, a firmer lover and pencil enthusiast, released a statement on Norm's behalf that read:

My client, Norm, is one of the most highly esteemed mick-rakers we have in my stable. His reputation for accurate reporting extends to well below his genitalia, which is fortunate for he is hung like a hearse. We will be flighting these charges, vicariously. Thank you.

The earings stay.

95

Vote

Comments (10) Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Norm - Category: Money, Poached, Spicy, Corny

   

Email this Post to a Friend 

I was Diana's sex toy: Keating

June 15th 2008 23:14

Hated in the UK for his fondlingness of Her Mingesty but loved in Great Britain for his treatment at the hinds of Phil the Greek, former Australian Prime Monster Paul Keating has revealed all to no one.

"Yes, she loved me. Yes, she adored me." the one time lover of Princess Diana told Elton Johnians.

The revelations come as no surprise to the maniac himself as he, Elton himself, told hairdressers: "There's going to be hell's toupee!" as he watched Keating's hairline.

The Greek Phil, former fish and chopperer to the stars, has told Keating to keep his grubby hands of my wife.

I'm not even married.

"Only I can be her tampon," Phil told Keating in a heated car driven through Dianas's tunnel by the one-time buttlover.

Keating is staying in a cell as the whole thong combs over.

"This isn't quite what we meant by padded," Phil told consumers of his fish sticks.

Watch this spice.

84

Vote

Comments (2) Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Norm - Category: Love, Poached, Spicy, Nutty

   

Email this Post to a Friend 

Madame Tussaud does Kevin Rudd

April 11th 2008 23:43

Rudd looks shorter in the flesh

The famous waxmadame has unwrapped her latest wax-sculpture to enthralled young people who were attending a function as part of Rudd's 20/20 extravaganza.

"Young people have a lot of unbelievable ideas," a spokesperson said as she rode her wind-powered bicycle round and round in circus.

The sculpture, even waxier than the real thing and larger than life, will be used as a coat rack by patrons of the establishment run by the madame.

Kevin Rudd, more than one-quarter Chinese, told the madame: "I am very grateful at this time to have such a honour. I have an erection coming up very soon."

The sculpture will be the centrepiece at the 20/20 summit to be hoisted by disgraced primate Andy Symonds.

Roy has been having it off with Angela's bishop for some time.

"Mate, I'm the farce among equals," he told his fashion rod.

75

Vote

Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Norm - Category: People, Poached, Spicy, Corny

   

Email this Post to a Friend 

Kidman Bodyguard Smacks Her Snapper

March 16th 2008 23:43

Nicole's bodyguard isn't kidding about the redness or rawness

Nicole Kidman's bodyguard, a man with a razor-whip and keen eyesores, has hit the headlines after allegedly, supposedly, possibly, whacking Kidman's snapper.

The snapper, red and raw, smelling like seafood except more slippery than an eel, was caught slipping out of Kidman's petticoat while she was out hooking.

The wafer-thin waif, a wily veteran of the wharf, was working at the time.

Her bodyguard, when pressed about his involvement with the fishy business, could only say that he was only after some fish-fingers and didn't really want to dive in the ocean.

"I went to the bottom and found her starfish," he explained, "I never douched her snapper."

Whether he did or he didn't, the smelly object was as clean as if he didn't.

"Snappers are made to be battered," he said with his mouth full.

73

Vote

Comments (2) Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Norm - Category: Love, Poached, Spicy, Nutty

   

Email this Post to a Friend 

LIPOSUCKER TURNS LARD-ARSE INTO DELICIOUS SPREAD

February 27th 2008 01:12

I can't believe it's not a butterball

The "fat sucker", as she's known on the streets, claims she's made herself the toast(spread) of the town by losing all her pounds on the track.

"I've lost track of my arsehole," the deaf vegetable spread told toasters, so many times has she had it penetrated.

Toasters raised their glasses to a running bath, before being pushed in by waiters.

The butterball's husband, Becks, told cooking toasters: "When I need someone to spread, I'll call my wife."

The posh spread, spicy, doesn't have a great rack.

86

Vote

Comments (2) Add Comments

[ Link ]

Posted By: Norm - Category: Food, Poached, Spicy, Corny

   

Email this Post to a Friend 

[ Consumption Malfunction Home ] [ Create A New Post ]