Pope Benedict can't understand why God chose him
May 31st 2009 00:45
POPE Benedict says he still has difficulty understanding why God had chosen him to lead the Catholic Church worldwide, recalling his isolated upbringing in a rural community of southern Germany.
"I'm like every other man out there," the Pope said, taking off his pants two legs at a time, "I realised what a wank wanking is," he said, having a wank.
"God, we all know that there's no such thing as God," an exasperated Pope said, fiddling with himself, "There is such a thing as this," he said producing his old fella.
"If you piled up all the things in the world, one on top of the other," the Pope said, "You still wouldn't touch God," he said touching himself, "There is no such thing."
God says he still has difficulty understanding why the Devil chose Pope Benedict to lead the Catholic Church worldwide, recalling his powerlessness to interfere with the Devil's work.
"God, I'm so sick of Christians," God said, talking to himself, "They think they know me," he said, showing signs of Alzheimer's, "They wouldn't know me from Adam."
"I'm sure they'd like to think that being literate is enough," God said, burning a pile of bibles, "But that's not how I roll," he said, playing Yahtzee with the other hand.
"God, I've got the whole world in my hands," God said, "That makes it pretty hard for me to have a wank," he said, calling on his children to help him with his load.
"I'm like every other man out there," the Pope said, taking off his pants two legs at a time, "I realised what a wank wanking is," he said, having a wank.
"God, we all know that there's no such thing as God," an exasperated Pope said, fiddling with himself, "There is such a thing as this," he said producing his old fella.
"If you piled up all the things in the world, one on top of the other," the Pope said, "You still wouldn't touch God," he said touching himself, "There is no such thing."
God says he still has difficulty understanding why the Devil chose Pope Benedict to lead the Catholic Church worldwide, recalling his powerlessness to interfere with the Devil's work.
"God, I'm so sick of Christians," God said, talking to himself, "They think they know me," he said, showing signs of Alzheimer's, "They wouldn't know me from Adam."
"I'm sure they'd like to think that being literate is enough," God said, burning a pile of bibles, "But that's not how I roll," he said, playing Yahtzee with the other hand.
"God, I've got the whole world in my hands," God said, "That makes it pretty hard for me to have a wank," he said, calling on his children to help him with his load.
| 41 |
| Vote |
Comment by Morgan Bell
Science News
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
what a weirdo
i vote Ewan McGregor for Pope, if only that sort of thing were open to majority rule
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
A Scottish Pope in these tough economic times could be just what we as Catholics need.
I hear our current Pope goes through two pairs of undies a week.
He didn't get to wear the papal panties by being a soft-cock, pilgrim.
Comment by Morgan Bell
Science News
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by Morgan Bell
Science News
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
Comment by Morgan Bell
Science News
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power