Robert Pattinson Picked Up By Police For Imitating an Actor
October 29th 2009 01:11
Pattinson Snapped After Eating Some Dead Horse
Twilight heart-throb Robert Pattinson has been arrested and charged for impersonating an actor while shooting his mouth off on the set of stilts he borrowed from me. And is yet to return.
The net is closing on his co-star, what's-her-face, after it was leaked that Pattinson is set to cough up the name of what's-her-face. Fashion police are also keen to question me about my apparent lack of underpants. Crack sniffer dogs have baulked at the job.
The very stilted Pattinson, as sick and boring as he is tall and annoying, has pulled off the greatest performance of his life in his portrayal of a competent actor, which is set to land him a private jet.
For my part, I was asked to play that man in the background who is just minding his own small-business. The hardest part was pretending I wasn't being shot out of a cannon. I looked down the barrel once, if you watch closely.
Mostly I found Pattinson to be in the cafeteria eating pies and getting into the dead horse. I did at one point ask him if he wouldn't mind leaving some of the best parts for the rest of us. He just acted all tall and stupid.
His co-star, what's-her-face, kept forgetting my name. I found that so irritating, but I concealed my feelings superbly, as all actors are trained to do. She hardly noticed that one occasion when I broke a bottle over her head. She had overdosed in my caravan. Annoying.
The worst part about all of this is that I had to tell police, under heavy questioning, that I didn't know they weren't actors. They seemed to be so self-involved and prone to abusing substances.
It's all just a really bad joke. I'll never forget when my dad sat me down on his knee, and said to me that mum was coming and I had better get off. It was only yesterday. Before that my mind is a total blank.
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Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
he sure is handsome . . . and tall
what is that picture youve got going on?
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
The picure, on the other hand, is from a most excellent source...
I'm like lower intestine. I turn good thing into big load of crap.
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
and theres nothing wrong with Bundy rum . . . or a good glassing
Comment by Norm
Consumption Malfunction
Equal and Opposite
Arses and Elbows
Footy Power
I should be so lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky.
Put down your glasses, I've had Bundy. It's all it's cracked up to be. A lethal cocktail in a can.