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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

The word's greatest spiller, kiddy porn controversy denier, humble pie manufacturer, bigot squasher, argumentative tail-chaser, ignored and vilified martyr, tea-slipper, Kamahl enthusiast, heroic saviour of the maniacal and depressed, donkey-wielder, robot-inventor, carrot-catcher and man with a pair of sucks down his pants, has scoffed at claims he can't spell Karl Marx.

"Put it in a sentence," he said adjusting his larger-than-life sized image of himself emblazoned on his jockeys.

Lay off the whip, for pity's ache.

"Karl Marx was someone who sat around while working robots went about their lives," the master of the unceremonious replied.

It was at this point that the champion smeller, a champion in every sentence of words, fluffed his pants.

"There's not a word I know, and I know them all, that I don't know the meaning of, let alone know how to smell," he said, sitting around while working people went about other peoples' businesses.

"C-A-R-L," he spelled Karl.

I'm sensing this isn't how to conduct yourself in public.

I hate to sound like a smarty pants.

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Man loves the sound of his own hand clapping

Man, the greatest thinker since sliced head, has refused to bow to his own mater after he was caught tossing off.

"I don't bow to anyone," Man said as he sat on the verge of wiping out his old fella.

"I don't want to fuck my mother," Man said, chopping his Father, Time, into little books.

"I already have," the supreme conquerer told his alien ancestors as he played to God.

Mother Nature is not sure of her son's understanding of his place within her.

"He's an animal in the sack," she said as she put him in a sack and threw him into the abyss.

"He's not the messiah," she said looking at the true Sun.

He's a boy.

"A boy's best friend is his mother," Man had earlier said, cleaning the bath.

Mother Nature, an endless source of riches for Man, is on her last logs.

"I used to be flat here," she said of her Middle Ages.

Time, the Father of Man, is running out for some smokes.



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Naked Girl Goes on the Attack

July 7th 2008 23:54
Decent folk round up the naked girl

The naked girl at the centre of a controversial photograph has leapt to the defence of pedophiles everywhere with a stunning attack on key targets.

"How would you like it if I dropped a bomb on your house?" she asked one as she tucked into her aborted foetus.

Rhetorical.

The bombshell, an absolute stunner for her age and for all ages, then dropped the "F" bomb on an infantry of intellectual infants.

"For photography's sake!" she said proudly as she took off her burning kitten while wankers watched on.

And on.

The bomb, from the mouth of this absolute babe, missed its muck.

"We're going to teach her the meaning of the word misguided," a survivor said stroking his missile.

The pedophiles are in hiding.

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Laws, the inky thinks written on white paper, are, and always will be, the best means of protecting people, say leading psychics.

"Society has always been shot," said one, hand on her crystal heart


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Stephen Hawking Walks Again!

July 5th 2008 01:44
Stephen Hawking Walks!
Hawking jumps, piddles. Everything.

Hawking has renewed his vows to his buxom waif and super-mong, Jennifer in a slavish ceremony waited on.

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Mugabe receives award
God would like to thank Mugabe for this award

Sir Robert Mugabe, rickety-livered black man, well-endowed knight, suit-wearer, Pims sniffer, house-nagger, and world reader responsible for killing people, has welcomed the praise of his people for making them rich.

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These ruminating mothers are safe from the Japanese Vealers

The Japanese Vealers have been met at the gate. Buy Australian Veal. Even after buying all our land, we still won the War. So there!

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Depardieu plays on the NSW right

Gay icon, patroniser of the arts, movie mongoose and hairdressing vigilante Kevin Rudd has ordered back-puncher Depardieu into the sequel of the smash hit after seeing her "sink the boots in."

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The bland, leading the bland, have met with their one true mister - a one-eyed wizard with one hand down his pants and the other down yours.

"I mean you no harm," he said stroking a severed head of letters


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A convention of leading scientists has descended into a lascivious and quite unnatural gay orgy when an irate homosexual denied his very existence.

"The facts are that I find other men very arousing," the fridge-picker told his closet before the affair turned heated and avuncular


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Churchman cometh Pope Ratsinger has praised Henson's reanimated corpse for its Christ-like resurrection.

"I wouldn't leave him alone with my own children," Ratsinger told his cronies as he dressed up in garb consistent with the humility one would associate with being in awe of the all matey


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The knotted scientist and wizard of us, noted for his bad spills and pantfalls, has achieved spiritual and intellectual perfunction through eaing his own words.

"It's psycho Delphic, baby!" the wizardly scientist said with great flailing, inspite, humourility and encompassion, as pink elephants chaired him off to his rightful palace


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Norm: sorry for sorry sorry

May 8th 2008 23:53
Apologetic ineffectual and cerebral acuity sufferer Norm has told pseudo-sufferers that he's sorry that his 'sorry' was so verily sorry.

"Sorry, this sorry sorry is a sorry sorry from a very sorry soul," said a true ineffectual, explert in all, moister of nuns, teacher of the pimples and ha and matey elephant ridder


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Clone rocks Delta

May 7th 2008 00:53
The clone that rocks the Delta
The good news is there is no bad

A terrifying clone off Delta has destroyed the laughs of thousands in the low flying reaches of a duck's arse.

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