Rupert Murdoch's Battle With Crack
November 9th 2009 21:20
Murdoch does yet another deal
Impotent sack of flaps Rupert Murdoch was last night quoted as saying: "Don't quote me on that," in the middle of a heated debate over the theft of his intellectually bereft property.
It is believed Murdoch, having some trouble with his pipes, was in talks with a plumber at the time, who it is understood, was mumbling so much it made it hard to understand a word he was saying.
"He asked me to come around and have a look at his pipes," the plumber, who wished for a new bike when he was eight, said, "but I couldn't find them. Who keeps their pipes at home anyway?"
Murdoch, addicted to crack, is believed to keep his pipes in the back of his ute like most people in the trade, and merely forgot himself at a time when he could sorely do with a hit to the brain.
"Anyway," the plumber said, inhaling a pie with sauce, "I eventually found a couple of pipes under his undies." It was then that he called Murdoch to inform him that he found a pair of ladies' knickers.
"I said to him," the plumber told his mate Bazza, "Can I quote you on your knickers? I'll give you a fair price. I didn't have to dig too hard. I'll tell you what you can do if you don't like it."
It is believed that it was at this point that the plumber wrote the words which Murdoch, visibly wearing ladies' undies, was so adamant he should not, and on his favourite knickers.
'SUE'.
The final irony, not lost on Murdoch, was that his knickers, another name for a bunch of briefed journalists, have been enjoying the high-life in Rupert's massive amounts of crack for yonks.
"For people who want to grab my stuff," Murdoch said, selling his junk on the street, "they'll see what my knickers have to say about grabbing bits that don't belong to them. They're talking about a stain on my good name."
Rupert often goes by 'Sue' on the street. His knickers can talk.
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