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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Australia is ready to blow

June 20th 2008 00:18
Australia, a ticking time bomb planted by the British cistern of justice, and full of the moribundly obtuse, is ready to explode, say starving Africans.

The striving Africans, also planted by the British sister of justice: prudence, have been dying to say something on this issue.

Their spokesman, Chilean duct-taper Robert Mugabe - responsible for the deaths of people, says that he's a machete for any man.

Westerly windy duck-tappers are Emocryptically elocuted.

"I'm more than a match for you fews," Mugabe said as he got a Brazilian under his nostril and waved his staffer in the hair.

Africans, no longer Slavs, their hands on the snips, are set to cut the cord with their colonial mothers, winch and four walls.

Colonialism is a mother of a thing at the beast of tames.

Yours says hi.

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Angry title hits back at content

March 31st 2008 05:18
The title of this short, very short, piece has hit back at the clams of the content that there is nothing in it.

"I strongly deny that I have ever had anything to do with the actual content," the title told reporters waiting on their hands and feet.

It's a clam that the content has rejected in the strongest possible times.

"The title and I both know who's been leading who," the continent told shifting plates of peas.

In these heady times, the battle between head and body has never been more farce.

"I could go on all day," the body of peas told the head of a fork and spoon.

A speedy resolution is expected to be brought by a screen in process.
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Acquisitional artist to the stores, Ken Done has been arrested by police at his palatial abode after an investigation discovered he was the head of a child-pornography rink.

"He's been skating on thin ice," said the detective in charge of the arresting ice-ballet.

The artist, businessman, designer, child-molester, pedophile, poofter-pasher, scrabble-player, monopoly-exponent, tea-toweller, t-shirter, back-scratcher, mind-bender, moustache-wearer and short-lifter released a statement to the media that was too bright and colourful to be anything other than the work of a bucket-waver.

"I am innocent of the charges," he stated, "but I wouldn't mind if I wasn't."

The skirt-licker is believed to have a penchant for people in pre-pubescence.

"What's done is done," Done told his bank-manager while frittering away his banana-lounge.

The case continues.


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Prime Minister Kelvin Rudd has outbid stroking Bollywood writers to claim the services of the most advanced knuckle-drag queen in Australia.

"He both plays for my team," said Rudd, "and he doesn't


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