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Consumption Malfunction - reader's indigestion

Resort manager, and infidel tangent, Castro is a silly old bugger with a dodgy knee-jerk reaction and feathery trigger thinger, according to resort-goers.

"We used to treat Cuba like a holiday spot," said wretched businessmen in a chorus.

"Now they have sovereignty, it's as if they've never even heard of the word Liberty," a disgruntled liberator told fleeting pleasants.

Liberty, the right to impose yourself on others, has never been a stranger danger to the weak and mild.

Gastro, who'll go through you like a knife through batter, never shat himself over all these ears.

"You have to hand it to him," proponents of capitalism told call-girls when the subject of head came up.

The electric chair is a testament to thou shalt not kill.

Old people are resorting to a quicker end though.
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Laws, the inky thinks written on white paper, are, and always will be, the best means of protecting people, say leading psychics.

"Society has always been shot," said one, hand on her crystal heart.

"These band-aids should stop the bleeding," she went on, as someone from the other side got on her wicker basket.

Laws, things pissed by men and, equally, women in suits, written on bits of paper mache and enfarced by men and, thankfully, women in uniforms, carrying guns, welding sticks, wearing hats, taking brides, and questioning everythink, have always healed the hurt.

I feel.

Society, a bullet-riddled riddle, is always looking out for the little guy and, equally, girl.

"Especially when they have no clothes on," said one leading downloader.

"Some," kids one, "are so poor they can't afford clothes."

I feel sick in the cuts.
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The Jews are poised to attack sinful city of sunny Sydney as the Pope takes off to launch attacks on World Youth Day.

"These measures are our preferred course of action," said one money-grubber as he awaits a messiah who has already left.

The train doesn't carry anyone, unhardly.

The Pope, chosen by God to represent his interests - financial and strategic - here on Earth, has asked God forgiveness for "not whipping them out when I had the chance."

We underpantstand he was stalking about a very naughty boy.

Sydney, a citadel on the rocks, is hoisting the unction - World Youth Day, to spread the weird.

The massage is the medium.

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Australia is ready to blow

June 20th 2008 00:18
Australia, a ticking time bomb planted by the British cistern of justice, and full of the moribundly obtuse, is ready to explode, say starving Africans.

The striving Africans, also planted by the British sister of justice: prudence, have been dying to say something on this issue


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Depardieu plays on the NSW right

Gay icon, patroniser of the arts, movie mongoose and hairdressing vigilante Kevin Rudd has ordered back-puncher Depardieu into the sequel of the smash hit after seeing her "sink the boots in."

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Those unwilling victims who unfortunately succumbed to the irresistible charms of kiddie-pornographer, terrorist sympathiser and drug boss, Bill "Mad Dog" Henson now tell of their years of torment in front of his vaselined apparatus.

"He used to really smear it on," said one recently formed adolescent with a fanny gate


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Granny award whining focalist Mariah Carey's charred body has been discovered by an obese fan.

"I found her in my fireplace," the fried chicken magnet told reparters


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Topical cancer and world-renounced waddler Norm has told his doctors of his despair-tire over the facts of laugh.

"I need a sex change," the celebrated abductor said as he nuzzled up to his shotty


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Henson asks Bickle to pull his finger

Vigilant tax dodger, kiddie-porn proponent, bearded claimant and reclusive happy snipper Bill Henson has been fatally shot by taxi driver Travis Bickle.

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The new vehicle, descried by executives as the latest in the ever-decreasing gap between desitiny and home, is descried by environmentalists as a car that shits all over anything else on the road.

Utilising cheap immigrant workers under the floor of the vehicle, where they live with their children and grandchildren, the Commoder wipes up after it's off


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Bush Texas Wedding Spectacular

May 12th 2008 00:08
Held in the labyrinthial dungeons of the Whitehouse, US Presidenture George W. Bush married his daughter of twenty or so ears in a lavish musical conducted by the reanimated corpse of Nazi synthesizer Herbert Von Karajan.

"I was very happy to give away my daughter," Bush said under his breathmint


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Talk about Apartheid bash

May 10th 2008 00:41
For he's a golly good fellow

One time terrorist and hero of the West, Nelson Mandela has revealed the guest list of his bathday bash exclusively to CM as part of his community service.

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The knotted scientist and wizard of us, noted for his bad spills and pantfalls, has achieved spiritual and intellectual perfunction through eaing his own words.

"It's psycho Delphic, baby!" the wizardly scientist said with great flailing, inspite, humourility and encompassion, as pink elephants chaired him off to his rightful palace


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Norm: sorry for sorry sorry

May 8th 2008 23:53
Apologetic ineffectual and cerebral acuity sufferer Norm has told pseudo-sufferers that he's sorry that his 'sorry' was so verily sorry.

"Sorry, this sorry sorry is a sorry sorry from a very sorry soul," said a true ineffectual, explert in all, moister of nuns, teacher of the pimples and ha and matey elephant ridder


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